Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 5

[CailinDana]

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

Those asylums turn my stomach dotty. A disgusting way to treat human beings.

Even worse is the last ones only closed in '96 my youngest was born in '95 rape victims where even sent there including young girls

96?? I had no idea it was that recent

My grandma wanted to send me to one of those in Italy. My mum wouldn't, not that she could have done anyway!

Dotty, I'm not going to read that just now, x

Mine was a mix of protestant and catholic.

So many priests who rape children are protected by the church, makes me sick and

Cailin, tbh I'd give it all up again and again, just because you're titled or rich doesn't mean you have rights over others. I have met other titled/rich people who are lovely so know I did the right thing. I would rather have a happy ds than allow him to go through all that.

Offred, so glad she didn't, not that you had it any easier, big hugs. Have you stopped self harming now?

They were shut by then, don't think she knew. I know my parents should have helped me, they didn't. I genuinely didn't achieve anything in that time either and they are both very much about achievement "what have you done to enrich the world with your presence?". I had good reason not to though. The world wasn't exactly kind to me back then. Feel much better today.

Mashed - I don't cut anymore. I wouldn't say I never self harm.

:( yep thats a hard habit to break

I'm not concerned about it. I don't see it as a problem, I'm not doing it very regularly, maybe twice a year and not in an obvious way (burn, bruise) just when I get overwhelmed with anxiety. I feel terrible and stupid and weak at the time then I think ah well, just one of those things. Not sure I'll ever be able to say I never do it.

MN looking into Bumbley still btw. Presumably reading the thread.

I self harm in a very small way, almost constantly, a bit like biting nails. Have done since I was a teenager.

Interesting about Bumbley Offred. I doubt much will be done.

Found out DD2 is hurting herself when she's stressed [guess who caused that] she told me when I took her out so she's started smoking cause it stops her not happy with either, Eldest ended up getting her first tattoos across her wrists to cover scars bad mother award goes to ------Dotty.

Not your fault dotty. Not my parent's fault I self harm. Not anyone's fault really, just how it is, we all do things to cope. ((hugs)) wonder how belle and tombli are...

She's talking to you and that's good.

and breathe...

She came, she tried, she failed

I ended up doing a mountain of ironing really slowly in the kitchen, heavily distracting myself from her witterings and nasty comments about my siblings (brother just recently landed a top job, all she could snigger was,'he just needs to find himself a nice girl' - my brother is closet gay, came out this yr to his siblings but not yet her, but i think she knows and is waiting for me or my sis to tell her, but i wont betray him)

stuck a pizza in oven and heated some lentil soup for dinner, wasnt going to stress myself cooking much for her, already I am loosening the ties in my own little ways

she said loads of shotty things, but I kept my focus to iron or to chat to DCs, interestingly, when she was trying to get eldest to hug her, he said, 'i only hug mummy'. He probably senses her weirdness, even he is just 5.

she was only here for 3 hrs, but it seemed like a life sentence

DH poor guy, she left, he came home had his pizza i fell asleep then chatting and somehow I blabbed to him, never told him before, about my father lifting sister hard against the wall when she was 14, and of the daily harshness that went on...he hugged me, said I had to let her go, let it go, it wasnt my fault

headwreck. now upstairs in bed, classic fm and trying to breathe

*shitty

well done belle. You have a lovely DH. ((big hug)) AND BREATHE! Hopefully your DH can help you let go. You could write a script putting her off next time she wants to come, call with him next to you and then hang up the phone maybe?

interesting posts from lots of you about birthdays not beijg celebrated, same here:

• 30th birthday, she bought a tiny frozen quiche, cooked it badly, slopped it on a plate with some awful frozen veg, said here you go...weird...why invite me for lunch then slop it all down. no gift from her, dad gave me a necklace which i've since 'lost' on purpose, she said, 'here, this is from your father'

• was never a big deal...even now I HATE my birthday, hate any fuss about me being made.

• also the money gift guilt money thing cailin - she recently gave me a sum of money to clear a debt, wants it paid back in instalments tho, and keeps a notebook of how much we each of her children owe her, so hard to know where i stand with that - grateful not to have the credit card people pestering me, but not 1001% ok with taking her money, even though she boasts of her huge savings fund. EUGH. making comments today when DCs playing shop at home, oh that will help them learn the value of money - tone of voice very weird

Today was her trying to give compliments, but not directly - so we had
-' oh DCs dont you have the best mummy in the world!' - so fake

• ' your father was saying what a great little homemaker you are' - EUGH

ie she is status obsessed, amd would rather i was doing anything but be a mum right now, but this is what makes me happy right now so she can get lost

sorry long posts she has just tested my levels today

she comes back tomorrow at 8pm so at least it will be late, so i can be asleep and leave DH to deal with her small talk shite :))

Well done Belle. How are you feeling?

i feel like i have dodged 1000 bullets cailin

thanks offred hugs needed and received with thanks!

told DH the only thing as i have said before is that our home is not and never will be like hers

i cannot imagine dd sitting on sofa after long day at school and a parent suddenly going for her

nasty fuckers

sorry swearing

i think i need to grounding techniques and get my head back on track again

so i think of how peaceful my home is right now

• dh downstairs calm and always optimistic
• sleeping kids who will have such a different adolescence than me
• new ways of thinking coming my way - hopefully bloody soon from all this therapy

she was so wrong, i must let that go, but she is such a stirrer

yes, and work on letting her go too. x

off to spend some time with dh. Night all. x