Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 5

[CailinDana]

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

My mother uses "helping" me out with money as a way to belittle me in being unable to manage/earn enough money, gives her too much power, as did screaming at her, she told everyone I was seriously deranged

She used to have my emergency set of house keys but kept coming round at 6am. I gave them to my older sister with instructions not to give them to her. One night I got home about 1am, to a dark house, went into the living room, switched the light on and crazy mother was stood there, in the fucking dark

That's scary Mashed! My parents give me money so that they can say I'm ungrateful if I complain about anything.

Offred, have you noticed the tax office love chasing you for money but are reluctant to give overpayments back :o I've had a few.

Dotty, Cailin oooh coffee, enjoy.

Belle, good luck, I agree it's time to carefully disengage from your mother, your kids will thank you, big hugs and no camping this weekend, I'm keeping myself safe from the rain :o

Crazy...

Cailin I won't have money from mine and my dad still explodes about how I'm bleeding him dry

To be fair to them that year they wanted £175 tax credits back and we never paid and it wasn't mentioned again had no money!

There's always some way they get their kicks Cailin.

Seriously would of felt like lamping her Mashed when we lived in the flat my parents knew spare key was kept in bin store just after DD1 was born my sister came up but they where through in his car me and sister was out with her eldest DS aged 15 months got home they'd been in took changing bag with all his spare clothes she couldn't change him or anything. H and I used to take DD1 swimming every Thursday to parents and tots session from 6 weeks onwards 9.30 so we'd leave at 9.15 they would turn up regularly at 9 am bear in mind they lived 45 minutes away anything to sabotage our family activities it was as they didn't approve.
As for our wedding apart from family we knew half a dozen people the rest were their friends we wanted to go away to Gretna but where stopped he also invited IT without my knowledge only reason they never came was because their boys weren't on the invitation.

Same with my 21st one and only time we asked them to babysit I wanted to go away overnight have a nice meal out etc but NO he took over had a party for 'his' friends to prove he was the 'big I am' I had 2 friends not including my best friend who's more of a sister because she wouldn't of come because of the way he treated me and the fact that when her dad died when she was 17 her mums brother [her uncle] was over from Ireland and he was comforting her down the street he went up to her and called her all sorts for it presuming it was another fella.

She also never came to my wedding because of him came to DS's and DD2's baptism because he was still in hospital after crashing his car. Mum was there as well don't think he ever knew she was there or that she was DS's god mother.

No kidding Offred, I know a few lone parents who've had overpayments they've cracked down hard on.

I've overpayed more often than they've overpayed, mind you £16 grand is my range of living so my tax isn't that high.

Taking the steps to disengage from crazy mothers is quite dangerous, I nearly pooped ma pants. I moved to get away from her and she still tracked me down, funny now though because she won't come and collect her belongings so I'm on count down to burning all the photos of stepfather.

Another thing H was working until about 7 night of my 21st so dad said he'd collect me ready for everyone coming DD1 was 5 months old he sent IT to collect me IT went to pick her up IT also thought I was going to sit up front with him yes right.

Thinking back neither of my parents ever gave a shit for my feelings did they I'd die for my children and also do time if anyone hurt them.

Yes, my friend was told she'd had an overpayment recently in a very bullying letter (lone parent) I don't think she even had but it might've been just that it was their fault. I helped her write a letter back explaining the law and they stopped pestering.

Dotty, :( I wasn't allowed an 18th or 21st

Can't actually believe that dotty, that's such a betrayal

Dotty, I'd slapped him, too

Offred, you sound like a brilliant friend :)

Thanks! Try to be... Happy to apply my trainee legal brain to probs for anyone anytime!!

Dotty, me too with mine

We where told we'd been overpaid the year after H had been awarded his Army pension before there was a cap on how much you had to pay back overpaid by about £800 lost £50 a week then discovered they shouldn't of took it into account by a knowledable advisor on the helpline whilst renewing the following year so got it all back in one go.

Mashed I didn't want one it was just to show off.

My ex, ds's father dumped me on my 18 and kicked us out a week later :o

I'm panicking about ds's 18th as he'll only have me as family. It's next year, I might just book a pub for him and his mates. I really don't know what to do though.

Does an 18 year old want a family type birthday mashed?

Scary that in 2 and a half weeks I'll have a 21 year old and in 5 and a half weeks an 18 year old.

Offred, I've no idea, seriously, I was a mum at that age.

Dotty, what are you planning?