Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 5

[CailinDana]

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

Sorry your having a crap day Belle personally if she's coming to your home and snooping among your paperwork I think you should get a lock box for it no contact would be better though.

I have been busy since about 9 gutting DS's room and putting his new chest of dtawers together have an hour now so thinking of going to a nearby garden centre for coffee and cake what do you ladies reckon think I've earned it.

Yes you have definitely earned it dotty, but remember you don't have to earn it, you deserve it anyway.

wow dotty you have so earned that cake

building furniture? much respect

see, i really dont trust her with my kids. once when i went to a wedding with DH, she babysat DS he was just 17mths, and we got back from the wedding and she tutted ranted about his behaviour, how he just wouldnt sleep, she was there on our bed holding him while he slept...i thought she had a wealth of experience with kids? Anyhow, next day, DS said sthing alog the lines of granny hit hand

cross cross cross

do not trust her

i wouldnt leave a puppy dog with her, nevermind my kids

she still has an inner switch, i can see her get annoyed with them sometimes, and will try to use her 'teacher' voice with my daughter

dont want that

she just thinks she's invincible or sthing. and sooo patronising about my house things, or my choices in things, oh theyre only cheap spanish tiles in your kitchen Belle

sleeping is my only escape! thanks all, you are just great support, seriously, at least you all understand where I'm at with this

Dh in a meeting until 5, then home at 7, she will be gone by then, as somehow she can manage to stay in college accomodation for tonight, but not tomorrow night? dont understand her, but know full well she could just stay both nights there, but of course she wont

sorry to go on and on

she'll be here in the next hour, and wont just sit on the sofa and read a book, or play with DCs, she'll have to DO something, like clean my house, even though it's bloody spotless for once

meant when we got back from wedding, at 1am, she was sitting with dad on our bed, holding DS as he slept

??? weird

Belle if you don't trust her with your children then why are you maintaining a relationship with her? You're not doing it for their sake, because she's isn't good for them.

i have no idea Cailin. Years of conditioning perhaps. But that's no excuse for me.

To be honest I don't think it's a good idea to expose your children to a person like her. As they get older they will definitely pick up on her behaviour towards you and that is a horrible thing for a child to have to see. Plus, there is the huge danger that she will start in on them when they are old enough.

Yes, the children loving her means nothing. My dcs desperately love their dad, he is still toxic and currently reduced to 1 1/2 contact a week. I think there is a middle ground here. You need to do something, something achievable. Setting in place your boundaries bit by bit in a way you can cope with.

*hours

I grew up with her slagging off her mother every day on the phone to her sisters

every. single. day. she ranted and raved in front of us about our granny who we loved

i cant repeat how she behaved, so am going to aim for distance - and yes offred, boundaries being set up

starting with that it's prob best if you only call me on sundays, not every day letting phone ring 65 times as i wont answer anyhow!

It is something I'm exploring with them atm. Where the lines are when someone you love and who loves you is not capable of providing you with a safe and secure environment and/or healthy relationship. Sometimes love isn't enough and dcs are particularly vulnerable to toxic love, my dcs express an excessive kind of love for toxic xp that I think can only come from an EA relationship.

Belle - you are not your mother - repeat ad infinitum.

thanks offred & cailin

have to go now, dd wants a story

i will face the music with my visitor when she arrives

and try to dance (inside head) xx

Good luck Belle :)

Fruit scone and proper coffee rain pounding on the roof bliss.

Good luck, not much you can do about any of this for this visit. Hope it isn't too difficult, come back and rant x

Nice dotty. Maybe i'll have a celebratory cake this afternoon. Kids at MIL's. Got a tac rebate of £4k this morn but also that they took it in the first place!

Tax year 2010/11 DH earned 49k they took £16k in tax and have now given back £6k in total. No money for our overdraft costs or interest from them having it so long or even an apology even though completely their fault (DH notified them of a change 3 times) but at least we have it back and they say we've overpaid again so we should get another cheque soon.

Sounds lovely dotty. I just had some coffee and a massive wodge of fruitcake. Nice to get the tax rebate Offred - my parents sent a nice chunk of guilt money last week which will go a long way towards helping to refurbish the bathroom.

Really need it Caitlin, struggling to survive with me at uni and costs spiralling! Will just go to pay off overdrafts

*cailin!

What are you going to do to your bathroom?

That sounds tough going Offred. What are you studying at uni?

Our house was a wreck when we bought it, so we're slowly doing it up. The bathroom needs a complete redo - new floor, walls plastered and retiled, new suite, the whole shebang. We were worrying a bit about affording it but then the cheque arrived and solved our problems. I would still prefer to have actual parents but if I don't have that then the guilt money will do.

Yes, cailin, that's tough. Don't know how I'd feel about that. Had similar with my family over our wedding (wanted small private do we could pay for ourselves, parents messed it up in various ways).

Studying law, in second year with open uni. Got another four to go after this

My parents were shit about my wedding too Offred. Nothing major just small nasty things.