Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 5

[CailinDana]

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

It's strangely peculiar how many of us who went through abusive childhoods had parents who to the outside world ---Dr's, church ,school and community where upstanding but seemed to care little for their kids.

Mine care, my mum certainly anyway. They just had fucked up priorities.

That being kicked out because she couldn't live with someone who lied to the police was a classic example of breaking the rules stuff... She goaded me to share then cut me off when I did for a stupid moralistic reason.

I agree spotty. My mother is definitely someone who presents a good face to the world but is essentially two-dimensional. Once you get beyond the facade there's not much at all underneath, certainly no softness or kindness.

Hi everyone

just a quick post with this: parrishmiller.com/narcissists.html

the narcissistic mother - seems to tick a lot of boxes for me, offered me some validation, that I wasnt imagining how harsh and emotionally screwed up she is/was

maybe it will help some of you too?

it is very long article to read ( I just found it by googling narcissistic mothers, there is loads of other stuff online too, google is my other therapist)

parrishmiller.com/narcissists.html

That's an interesting article Belle. It sort of describes my mother, but it definitely describes my sister down to a tee. I pity her future children :(

Belle, me too with google. That's a funny thing though, I've researched why pedophiles do what they do, why sexual violence happens but I'm terrified of researching my mothers behaviour. And apart from anything else my family is quite classist and racist.

Argh am too tired so I'll bid goodnight to you lovely ladies, will be around tomorrow, again :o

Goodnight Mashed, hope you sleep well :)

Christ I've read the first few paragraphs of that link and it's my mother! She refused to loan me money for rent yet offered to pay for a holiday for me she knew I couldn't take!

Not reading the rest tonight as don't want nightmares. Am definately off now, x

Night mashed sleep well x

FWIW I don't think there is a reason apart from them being pure evil x

Hug for you Mashed, if you'd like one.

Hugs all

Sorry it was too long a link to send at this late hour, and yes I'll prob have not so great dreams after reading it too Mashed, sorry again

Dotty - well yes, no excuses for their behaviour

Sleep well all, am zonked x

Goodnight Belle, I should follow your example.

Skimmed through it but TBH was more like my darling father he demeaned everything we did remember when we got our first PC he walked in and said won the lottery would also come into my home and order me about and didn't like that we didn't allow him to have our children or tell them what to do picked up DD1 when heavily pregnant with DS and walked out after he slapped her for crying strange how I'm remembering these little things all these years later.

I've been a bit in denial still haven't I?

What do you mean Offred?

Well, I have realised the bullying I had at school is all part of this track of wrongness. A boy in my class, he used to touch me. That's abuse isn't it? It doesn't matter that he was my age.

If the touching was against your will, it was assault, it doesn't matter what age he was. Do you want to talk about what happened with him?

He used to grope me and stroke right up my leg in class in front of people and make fun of me for being frightened. I was quite an immature 12 year old and very sheltered. I was scared. Everyone picked on me, I had no friends. I eventually told the school, they did nothing. I had it from 12 to 14 until I started walking out of class when it happened. I used to get in trouble with the school. It made me feel it was my fault.

Morning,

Hugs Cailin, how are you this morning?

Offred, the different stages of denial just allow us to work through different things which have happened to us and is normal. If it feels like it was abuse, it probably was.

Belle, great link, was just too tired last night but bookmarked it, thankyou.

Spotty, makes me think of a strong fantastic leopard not a diddery auld lady Can I offer up a punchbag and gloves and cheer from the sidelines :o

Tombli, hope you're ok today.

I feel like I am imagining that, like I'm looking for things to be wrong. I thought I was "bad" at school because I was anti-establishment. Thought I hated the showers after sports because, well, I don't know. I hated them because he exposed me and my body to other people for ridicule and encouraged people to scrutinise and ridicule me. I don't feel entitled to own that feeling though.

xpost, yes Offred thats sexual assualt, big hugs.

That's nothing to do with being immature I don't know how old you are but I'm 41 and although lots of girls knew the basics it depended on your upbringing if I'd known at 12 that I wad havin sex I don't know if I could of said anything to anyone as it would of gone straight back to my parents and it would of been my fault. FWIW I'm glad that children get PSE/sex education from a very early age now it angers me whwn posters on here complain about it if it protects one child its good.

Yes, dotty I think it is best for all children too. I've spoken about it all the children's lives and they are only 7, 5 and 2 (twins).