Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 5

[CailinDana]

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

Thank you Cailin and Mashed. Between you all and me, I have applied to go on the voice. I would love to be able to able to sing all the pain out of my heart.

that's a bit random, sorry.

oooooo sooooo jealous, can't sing for my life and have avoided tv as much as possible, makes me feel so exposed. Anyway, we might have a superstar singer in our midst.

Do you do requests :o

Wow Tombli, that's brilliant! I really hope you get through :)

How are you feeling at the moment?

I feel like shit, but thought that if I didn't do it I would wonder for the rest of my life. Maybe I could get the whole of MN to vote for me if I get on tv. What sign should I give that it's me do you think?

I mostly do ballads and 'slit your wrist' type songs, predictably.
DH has just come back and been lovely. Of course I told him to piss off and leave me alone as is customary when I can't connect to my feelings.
DD is calling for me so I need to go down to her.

Wear Tombliboo Trousers?

...mind you, I didn't say I could sing! ;)

:o tombliboo troos

Sing survivor!

Hope the wee ones ok.

Today I've learnt how not to avoid the bank manager, cheeky sods. My bank card stopped working so I had to go in, never put two bank cards next to each other in your purse. I came out with a new card ordered and an appointment for new home/life insurance :o

Thanks Cailin, that made me laugh! Maybe yellow with pink spots! I'll let you all know if I get further than the auditions x

I know someone who didn't even get to audition for xfactor, it's tough.

Seriously, can you sing? good luck anyway, will be rooting for you.

Good luck for it IIRC from the one peron I knew who went there was 2 or 3 auditions before the judges and she had an amazing voice, if they only took good singers they wouldn't have a tv programme though would they. x

:o thats true, you've got to have the right kind of madness!

Can we form a survivor band? Tombli in boo troos, Dotty in spots, Offred in red, Belle in flowers, Cailin in telephones, Karma in oranges, me in mashed potatoe :o sorry if I forgot anyone but feel free to add yourself. including any lurkers

Well, I've been trying to get hold of people to give me a serious appraisal of my ability so I don't make an idiot of myself and they say I should go for it. Going to get some lessons and just see what happens. I like to sing 'Hello' by Evanescence alot but need to sort out my technique. We'll see.

Dd was lovely tonight. Couldn't help thinking how vulnerable she was though, running around in the noddy after her bath. I had a feeling that it wouldn't have been safe for me to do that at her age but, that's just it, it's just feelings nothing more.

I don't know, maybe I can't sing a bloody note. I have no faith in myself.

Funny how when their little daft things make you think even a few months ago I put a towel around my self and got an image in my head of him watching me in front of the fire with mum drying me as a child just because of the way I put towel around myself so pathetic it was but not sure if it was a flashback? as it wasn't connected to the actual abuse.

I think I know what you mean dotty. Things can come up in the most benign circumstances.

Tombli, have more faith, you sound like you're taking it seriously so go for it, enjoy it and express yourself, it really does sound amazing and it is a once in a lifetime thing.

I never let my ds run round naked as a wee one :( so it's good you do and aren't giving her hang ups.

Dotty, everyone has flashbacks to some degree so it probably was a flashback, wether abusive or not.

I won a personal award today, out of the blue and something I did in a group for a competition got a recommendation

Sorry, it's just hitting me now and I don't have anyone to tell. I don't know where to hang it, is hanging it narcissistic? I was just so surprised I'd like to remember it often. It's part of what's got me through the worst of my breakdown and will be part of my future so I think I'd like to put it somewhere, so front hall, living room or landing? thanks :)

Evening all, over the hill. Children all in bed, in the bath, now just got to spend the evening all alone I'll have to look out for you tombli although don't watch much tv atm. How's everyone? Off to catch up. Still feeling wobbly, slightly worse than this morn but overall much better. Getting waves of freaking out.

I'd put it right next to my bed so I saw it every morning mashed!

:o never thought of that, would be highly relevant to photo I have there.

Those waves aren't good, happy cheesy dvd, snuggly blanket, plenty of and us lot :o Theres a programme about prince william I'm really not royalist honest but like the princes and kate on in a bit.

About to build Billy bookcase for dvd's wish me luck x

Good luck dotty, you're a braver woman than I!

Well done on the award Mashed :)

Good luck dotty! Might have a small booze... Undecided...