what the fuck am i supposed to do with this now you fucking wank stain?!

[fuckingfuckingbastard]

so angry - name changed

DP has been working away, I went to visit him last weekend- we stayed in a hotel and had a lovely time. I came home and he suddenly started to act weird.

I came back on Sunday and that evening he was going out for dinner with his bosses, on the company- how nice thought i...

Tonight he has been really really off with me, saying weird stuff like how much he likes being away and wants to stay there- "coming home every once and a while to see the family"... WTF?!

Anyway, i was clearly pissed off with this and was asking what the hell he was going on about and what the hell had got in to him?!

It aroused my suspicsions so much- just knew something was off so I checked inline banking and there was a payment to slug and lettuce on sunday- he told me he went somewhere else with the bosses- however payment is not enough to be for dinnner, couple of drinks, makes me think he went there after the meal with ??? - he did not mention doing this.

I then checked the online account on t-mobile and I can see loads of texts to a number I don't know- you guessed it, since sunday night.....

I tried to ring the number but got voicemail.

Don't know what the fuck to do. We are supposed to be getting married in a matter of weeks. We have a beautiful dd, 19 months old :(

Also, if there is any doubt in the relationship then it is a warning sign for commitment.

well if he deletes the evidence, he will certainly be in a pickle because I have told him i want to see every message and that i will cross-reference it with the bill- he has said this is fine so we shall see...

perfectpins, i hope things work out for you, thanks for your positive vibes x

this time tomorrow i will know either way ........

Good luck FFB.

If he has anything to hide, I bet he 'loses' his phone! :(

I can see a phone crash coming up

Regardless of wether he's shagging the world and his wife he has told you he only wants to be with you part time LISTEN to what he is telling you.

So. The wedding is off.

He actually to my surprise confessed that yes, the number was a girl and he had slept with her. Twice. For some reason it makes it so much worse in my head that he went back for more....

It's horrible and I'm obviously devastated but on top of that I'm just dreading all the questions and pity and logistics that go with cancelling a wedding :(

The other thing is, although yes I am heart-broken and livid that he has done this to us, I actually don't want to sit bitching about him, nor listen to other people do so, I just think it's tacky and he is still dd's dad... This has started already with my mum- asking loads of questions about details, saying she would like to give him a good punch, how I'm better off without him. This is just stuff I don't want to hear.

I think he may actually believe that I might forgive him. I can't. Especially as I can't send a message to my gorgeous little darling dd that this sort of relationship is ok.

I am most sad when I think of dd, having a part-time dad and now growing up from a "broken home" :( Every morning while he has been away she has asked for him when I've gone in to get her up, she will do it tomorrow for sure as she has seen him today :(

That's awful. I'm so sorry FFB.

You deserve so much better than this. See if you can get people to help you with the work involved in the cancellation of the wedding. Don't try to do too much. I hope there are people around you you can lean on.

xx

So sorry

So sorry to hear this. Followed your thread, just wanted to say how sorry I am that you're going through this.

You and your dd will be fine. You'll get over this, you'll be happy just the two of you. You'll have dignity and self respect. In time you might meet someone that deserves you.

Good luck with it all. You've done the right thing.

I am so sorry. Big hugs. Try and keep calm around dd- I know it's hard. I know you love him but please be strong for your own long term sanity. xxx

Gutted for you

Instincts...

While I am very sorry for you that he has turned out to be a lying cheating shit, at least you found out now before the wedding. From experience, I would say that most people are quite nice about it (not all - our venue were bastards but hey) and you may be able to get some refunds on some things. You might not want to explain why the wedding is off but it might benefit you to do so - just tell them that he's left you for another woman (as was the case for me as well) and most people have enough sympathy not to be too hardline about it, IME.

I also understand your position about not wanting to bitch about him yet - you still love him, he's still your DD's dad, and quite possibly you're still in a semi-numb state about it. When you get really angry, this may change - your mum doesn't love him like you do so she's gone straight to angry (my Dad wanted to shoot my ex! He didn't though.)

Stay strong and I hope that he remains civilised and still visits your DD when he should.

Oh, and again IME the people I had to phone to cancel the arrangements didn't want long explanations - just the simple "He's left me for another woman" was enough for them to immediately go "Gosh I'm so sorry of course we'll cancel it, no problems" no questions asked. Slightly different with some of the guests but if you prefer you could just send them a cancellation notice in the post/email - saves you repeating yourself ad nauseam.
(((hugs))) - it is bloody hard but do it all as quickly as you can, like ripping a plaster off - gets it out of the way.

Has he left for good?

So sorry ffb but you knew, deep in your heart, that he was playing away, didn't you?

Please take care of yourself - lucky you found out before you married him!

Best wishes, x (If you were my daughter, I would feel exactly the same as your mother!)

Thanks :)

I've been crying so much my head is now pounding. I will put on a brave face for dd though- I am quite the actor you know!

I am wondering whether I should sell my engagement ring to a) reimburse my parents what they've already paid out and b) have some savings for me and dd on our new adventure...

It really is such a beautiful ring and in normal circumstances I would want dd to have it one day. Now I don't know whether it is bad luck?

I did, I knew. Still is horrible to be right though.

I know sad, I'm sure I would feel the same if anyone did this to dd... I actually said to him "what would you think if this happened to dd?"

He has just gone to stay at his mate's overnight but coming back in the morning to collect some stuff and take dd out for the day before he goes back to work (and her?) He's asked me to sleep on it/give it a few days. I told him I didn't want to raise his hopes.

Definitely sell it. It sounds like you can do good with the proceeds, and it symbolises something sad.

Sell the ring and take a trip with your DD.

Bastard.

So sorry OP.

Just to warn you re. the engagement ring - I still have mine because I was told I would only get 1/3 of its value (i.e. what was paid for it). If you don't know how much was paid for it, then you won't mind so much - but I did, and I was quite cross at how little I could get for it in comparison with its face/insurance value.

I still have plans to sell it but not sure when. I certainly never wore it again.