what the fuck am i supposed to do with this now you fucking wank stain?!

[fuckingfuckingbastard]

so angry - name changed

DP has been working away, I went to visit him last weekend- we stayed in a hotel and had a lovely time. I came home and he suddenly started to act weird.

I came back on Sunday and that evening he was going out for dinner with his bosses, on the company- how nice thought i...

Tonight he has been really really off with me, saying weird stuff like how much he likes being away and wants to stay there- "coming home every once and a while to see the family"... WTF?!

Anyway, i was clearly pissed off with this and was asking what the hell he was going on about and what the hell had got in to him?!

It aroused my suspicsions so much- just knew something was off so I checked inline banking and there was a payment to slug and lettuce on sunday- he told me he went somewhere else with the bosses- however payment is not enough to be for dinnner, couple of drinks, makes me think he went there after the meal with ??? - he did not mention doing this.

I then checked the online account on t-mobile and I can see loads of texts to a number I don't know- you guessed it, since sunday night.....

I tried to ring the number but got voicemail.

Don't know what the fuck to do. We are supposed to be getting married in a matter of weeks. We have a beautiful dd, 19 months old :(

if he wants things to be the same with his DD then he should have thought about that before fucking someone else.

im so sorry - ive just caught up with the thread. you must be reeling.

first thing Tuesday you need to make a solicitors appointment. I am amazed at the gall of the man tbh, being shitty with you, he has fucked this up, not you and he has no right to be anything with you!

You need decent legal advice asap - you need him out and you need set in stone arrangements for when he can see DD.

Really sorry this is happening to you but after that stupid stunt, he knew exactly how you would react, supervised contact is the only way to go until he can prove himself to be responsible and not act like a silly child.

Oh and the phone. Another wonderful picture painted of the real nature of the man you've had such a lucky escape from marrying!

As this is his 'approach', presumably you'll get lots more stuff like this happening. You're doing the right thing in ignoring, as he carries on I'd just smile breezily and say 'I have to thank you for this behaviour, it's really helping me see that I did the right thing in not giving a shitscrape like you a second chance. I'm so relieved that you showed your colours when you did, such a lucky escape for both me and DD.'

Oh and I'll assume then that if he's going to be scrupulously fair about who pays for what, he'll be reimbursing your parents for the cost of the wedding?

Hope this is helping you see that you're well rid.

Another one here that says instruct the planner/parents to communicate your decision to call it off. TELL anyone and everyone that asks that he cheated. If you leave it to him, he'll lie to make YOU out to be the bad guy.

Op I'm so sorry. I think he thought he could have his cake and eat it - the OW 4 hrs away, PLUS you and your dd to pop home to whenever he wanted. Now he's been found out, and will probably find out that the grass isn't always greener.

I can't imagine the panic you must have been in seeing him speed off with your dd like that. Using a child as a weapon against an ex is never ever acceptable - particularly in view of the fact you were being so calm and rational for the sake of your dd.

Remember that he caused this, not you. Definitely see a solicitor.

Oh dear god! Should've refreshed the page..

Get legal advice, register his threat to abduct and lock that fucker down.

Hell hath no fury and all that.. How dare he?!

I am in awe of you. You are strong, so strong, and you have done the right thing.

I would not allow unsupervised access at all now. He made a threat. You can't risk him taking you baby for real.

You must tell the truth when you, actually no, fuck that, HE has to call everyone and cancel the wedding unless you think he will lie? Maybe it would be better if you did it and said he had slept with someone twice and lied about it so the wedding is off.

Sell the ring. It was a promise of marriage and now there is no marriage it means nothing.

He Will Not Cancel Anything. There is no point expecting him to. Take control of it, ask your parents if you want to but do NOT expect him to do it, it won't happen.

So sorry he's been such an utter wankstaincuntingbastard with your DD (I know you didn't want to bitch about him, but really!)
Totally agree that you need to see a solicitor asap and get contact sorted out - he has behaved like an utter cock.

Holy crap!

No doubt this is going to be painted as you over-reacting but - WTF! In the middle of a difficult situation (to put it mildly), he takes your phone and then announces he is 'taking' dd and speeds off ... were you meant to sit at home all day just hoping he hadn't abducted her? He wanted you to panic so you'd be more compliant when he returned, I suspect. Well done on calling the police, this was the appropriate thing to do.

I would agree, contact now needs to be supervised, and it's going to be better all round for him to stay away for a few days, particularly if the police are still involved.

How utterly terrifying for you, OP :( Is your dd home and safe now?

I agree with everyone else.

Tuesday make an emergancey appointment with a lawyer.

Dont let him see dd until the court order for supervisied access is sorted.

Get a friend or ur mum to cancel wedding. Write a cancel note on compiter to send to guess so you only have to do it once.

Pack all his things and ask his dad to pick it up from you so you dont have to see him again.

Change pin on all your cards and change all passwords.

Contact tax credits to tell them you are single.

Go see cab for info about benrfits you can claim or.look for a job and sort childcard.

Contact csa to get him to pay maintinance.

Take one thing at a time. Ask for help when you need it. Tell your mum that you are not ready to talk about it with her right now. You need time to process and get sorted and then to heal.

You will get to a good place again and you will be happy again. Stay strong and take care of yourself and your dd xx

Oh, and just to add, given the way he has reacted today, I would bet that he will now say anything, make up any lies as to why you are the bad guy in the relationship. But just remember that you aren't - he is the guilty party.

Stay strong.

You sound amazing, OP. Your DD is very very lucky to have such a loving, principled and strong mother.

I am so so sorry for you, but you will be happier without him.

I can only second all the advice to see a good solicitor. And also, even if he won't cancel all the wedding arrangements etc, it is up to HIM to tell everyone why it's off. If anyone asks you, just direct them to him.

Oh my gosh! I have just seen this thread. I am so, so sorry that you are going through this. But thank goodness you have seen his true colours before marrying him

Thank you all for your kind words. Dd is now safe at home and I have my phone back(!)

Just feel so sad. I still can't believe this had happened to me, it's like a story out of a trashy magazine or something...

Im so sorry for what you are going through, but its now time to get strong and dont let him walk all over you.

Sounds like your only priority for the rest of today at least is to have a happy day with your DD, stroking your phone occasionally as well so it doesn't feel left out , and changing any PINs and passwords.

The one positive that you can get from this is that he's shown his true colours now not 10 years down the line when he's ground you and DCs into the dust.
As well as solicitor consider changing the locks as he's shown he's a danger to dd and seek out an occupation order if necessary.
Get angry and be focused but you probably need to grieve too even though it will be for a reality which he sold to you under false pretences.

At least you didnt marry him.

Well done for calling the police, it doesnt look good for him in court that he did that at all.

What a bastard.

Aww what an awful situation FFB, big big hugs to you. Best you find out now what the cheating lying arse is capable of than when you got married- cliche I know, but true.
It's awful what he has done with you DD and you need to get that part sorted quickly. It happened with one of my sisters when she split from her Ex- exact same thing he picked DD up one day and refused to bring her back so police, solicitors and court got involved until he proved he could be trusted to have unsupervised access. Maybe as you have acted quickly today he won't try it again.
Good luck xxx

Oh dear he really is being silly isn't he. Another example op of tge close call you had.

ffb, you are an amazing person.

I have no personal experience of this but wanted to add my voice to the many here who are supporting you.

As many have said you need to accept that he will not take responsibility for anything. He took none prior to this and showed this when he cheated. Enlist as much help as you can/need/want and get cancelling. A huge post out sounds a good idea and I would add the words "ask shitforbrains why this is happening".

He appears to be behaving true to type now: bluster and bravado. Trying to bully and intimidate you and using any available weapon at his disposal. Taking your DD!!! Taking back your phone - twat.

Get on to a solicitor first thing on Tuesday. Be careful of any accounts that are held jointly - don't get left high and dry because he has emptied the bank account. Don't allow him access to your DD yet - his behaviour there is frightening.

I suppose all the above is nothing others haven't said. I just wanted to give my support. I am sorry that you are dealing with this.

Hate to say this OP but think about having an STI test too soon. He is an absolute scumbag.

Sorry it came to this, especially the awful incident with dd.

Definitely do what the others have advised, and as soon as you can. Protect yourself and your child.

OP sorry to hear you are having such a rough time, just wanted to say i am 6months out of finding out 19 month old DDs dad was a lying arse and now things have never been better. It is unbelievably horrible when it all goes wrong but i promise you will wake up one day when it is just you and her and realise it is ok, better than ok, it is great and you will feel the relief that you did not put up with the lying and cheating. Stay strong, you are doing great. You are being the example you want for you kid.

Thanks again to everyone saying I'm strong etc. I really don't feel it.

Especially today. I spoke to him earlier and he was so cock-sure that I would be taking him back. Actually said "come on, you're not going to throw your wedding away are you" ..... Well no, I'm being forced to let it go because you are a disgusting slut.

Just feel so sad. And I know I'm on the cusp of everyone knowing which makes it really happening.

Also, this is daft but I can't quite bring myself to take off my ring. Another symbol of the finality of it all.