what the fuck am i supposed to do with this now you fucking wank stain?!

[fuckingfuckingbastard]

so angry - name changed

DP has been working away, I went to visit him last weekend- we stayed in a hotel and had a lovely time. I came home and he suddenly started to act weird.

I came back on Sunday and that evening he was going out for dinner with his bosses, on the company- how nice thought i...

Tonight he has been really really off with me, saying weird stuff like how much he likes being away and wants to stay there- "coming home every once and a while to see the family"... WTF?!

Anyway, i was clearly pissed off with this and was asking what the hell he was going on about and what the hell had got in to him?!

It aroused my suspicsions so much- just knew something was off so I checked inline banking and there was a payment to slug and lettuce on sunday- he told me he went somewhere else with the bosses- however payment is not enough to be for dinnner, couple of drinks, makes me think he went there after the meal with ??? - he did not mention doing this.

I then checked the online account on t-mobile and I can see loads of texts to a number I don't know- you guessed it, since sunday night.....

I tried to ring the number but got voicemail.

Don't know what the fuck to do. We are supposed to be getting married in a matter of weeks. We have a beautiful dd, 19 months old :(

Perhaps HE should be offering to reimburse your parents, not you?

Maybe keep the ring for a while and see how you feel. You can always get it reset.

(((((((((((((((((((Hugs HUGE Hugs))))

I'm do sorry. Tge only good thing is he has told you rather than string it out/lie. Do not be forced into any decisions by him. He is a fool to think that because tge wedding is organised you will forgive him. You have no reason to feel back about cancelling any of it. Maybe he should be doing that?

Do something relaxing whilst dd is out. Take care of yourself. It is only normal for your mum to say these things, wouldn't you of it happened to your dd?

So very sorry :( Your mum, I suspect, has gone into Tiger Mum mode, wanting to protect her cub, the way you would if this were dd. So of course she wants to punch him - hell, I want to punch him too!

He's asked me to sleep on it/give it a few days

Whatever happens next, he does not get to set the terms for it. That is entirely your decision.

Personally I would sell the engagement ring; I suspect as time goes on you will not see it as something you want dd to have. But there is no need to make a decision right now, you could give it to someone else for safe-keeping.

Try not to feel guilty about your dd. Her home isn't broken, her home is still you and her dad. The pieces may be in different places, but they are all still there.

I'm so sorry, ffb :(

I know it's little comfort right now but it is a very good thing the truth came out so fast. And before the wedding. If you can, get all the practical stuff out the way as soon as possible. Maybe ask your mum to direct her energy into helping you with that? She could make the difficult phone calls etc?

Your DD won't be growing up in a 'broken home' - she will be growing up in a happy loving one with a mum who is not trodden down by a bad man, a mum who is an excellent role model by being so strong :)

Sorry you're having to deal with this .

The responsibility is on him to do any leg work and refunding re the wedding that has to be cancelled due to his unacceptable behaviour.

He needs to contact everyone and explain the situation.

Is it possible that you can go away with DD for a few weeks, and return at a date after the planned wedding day?

Honestly, you have enough to do in refocussing yourself now that he has caused such huge changes in your life.

Let him deal with the practical aspects relating to the cancelled marriage - he should have to deal with all the fall-out of his idiocy, and that involves having to man up and admit publicly what he's done.

Your feelings and needs are more important than his now, because you have done nothing wrong.

I know you still love him, and don't want to cause him any hurt, but neither should you have to make the repercussions of his infidelity any easier on him.

Let him sort out his own mess.

You and your DD will be fine. He, however, will no doubt be starting to realise the enormity of his mistake.

Stay strong and seek support whenever and wherever you need it - he does not deserve you.

I agree with pink

I wouldnt sell the ring now especially as you wont get its value back

It must be terrible now but fwiw I think you are courageous in facing this and not sweeping it under the carpet and going ahead with the wedding hoping for the best.

I am sorry you have all this to go through

I have to disagree - the responsiblity for the collapse of the wedding may be his, but for the love of God do not give him the responsibility for cancelling any of it, especially if he thinks you might change your mind!
If you want it done, you have to do it yourself to ensure that it IS done. If any money is lost (in lost deposits etc.) your parents can bill him for those losses.

Having said that, I did leave the ex to let his own friends know that the wedding wasn't happening - I didn't feel the need to do that. I told everyone else though.

Oh and two of those friends ended up phoning me a few weeks before the wedding wondering where their invitations were because of course he HADN'T contacted them

Thumb - nice. How mortifying for both you and them. :(

Exactly. It was so embarrassing for them, and upsetting for me - but pretty much what you might expect I suppose for someone who has moved on. As far as my ex was concerned, it was done and dusted for him - the wedding etc. simply didn't enter his head any longer.

I would talk to your parents about the money. Presumably they haven't spent more that they can afford so I suspect they will tell you not to worry about it but it's a good idea to talk about it and yes, actually I would bill him for some of it.

The ring - I would see what you can get for it and then decide if selling it seems right.

So sorry that you're dealing with this painful situation. It's hard on you and dd but it would have been a hell of a lot harder if you'd found this out in 10 years.

So sorry for you, but there is a brighter future honestly and it will come when you are ready.
I don't know how traditional your wedding arrangements were, but you could contact his parents and best man. Explain the situation in a businesslike way and ask them to sort it out and definitely get your mum to get her anger out on sorting.
Given his behaviour your ex, doesn't deserve much sympathy just to understand who he has lied to and the wider family and friends he has let down.
As well as being a complete and utter ..... (words fail me) he has caused friends and family all sorts of lesser but no doubt also expensive problems - clothes and presents bought/hotels booked.
where is the little pile of poo emoticon to send to your ex?

Oh FFB, what a mess he's made of this.

I think the best course of action is to get your Mum or a close friend to start the ringing round and cancelling the wedding. They may well be able to salvage some of what you've paid out anyway.

Give yourself some time before you make any other decisions, whether that's to give him another chance, sell your ring or whatever. You've had a shocking, upsetting week and you need time to process what's happened. Make looking after yourself a priority for now, rest when you can, eat what you fancy and have lots of cuddles and time with DD. Everything else can wait until you begin to feel and think like yourself again.

'Sleep on it/ give it a few days' WTF?!

A few days to do what? Make it not have happened?

Maybe point out to him - the decision has been MADE. By him. It isn't a case of you reaching any conclusion. You would have chosen for this not to happen, if you'd been put in charge of deciding, but you weren't. So it isn't a case of you not jumping to any hasty decisions. They've been made already, when he decided to trash his family. It's done.

Poor man, really. Poor stupid man. But not so much poor you. You're lucky. Your DD is lucky. Broken home? No, a broken home would be one with this weak link in the chain still in it. You knew that at some level, as soon as your suspicions were raised.

Your DD will have a BETTER home life than she would have done, had you married this stupid, deceitful, not up to scratch partner.

"Give it a few days?" What, so in a few days you won't mind anymore about him having shagged someone else?
Give me strength!

Oh, and when he returns to collect his things, tell him you'll be in touch to discuss maintenance for his daughter, as well as re-imbursement to your parents for the wedding. You know, just in case he was thinking it was going to be OK to swan off back to his OW without being out of pocket at all.

I cancelled my wedding to my ex. I recommend just typing out a letter telling people it has been cancelled due to unforeseen events, sign it and post. Don't feel you need to go into detail, do not accept any responsibility. This was his choice, he made it. When you feel ready, contact a solicitor.

I am glad that he told you though, too many men try to cover their tracks and string it out.

Ask him. And then think about what you need to do. You might be overreacting and he might be getting cold feet. Just talk. And all might be well. Good luck.

so, he came back, packed up his things and got dd ready to take her out for the day. then decided HE was going to be totally shitty with ME, took my mobile phone seeing as it's his because he pays for it. then i went outside to wave bye to dd (i was keeping really calm, not being reeled in to anything etc) and he wound down the window to say "i'm taking dd" and sped off- obviously meaning taking her away from me, forever?

then ensued a frantic wild goose chase, called the police to report abduction etc etc. calling his family to see what they knew, told them it had been reported to police. his dad said he would ring him. HE then rang asking why we had called police etc, etc.... and turned out to all be a bluff and they were just up the road, will be back within the hour.

he has used dd as a weapon, something i cannot abide parents doing and swore i would never do myself.

what do i do now???

See a solicitor straight away. And only arrange for supervised contact.

You're going to have to stop thinking you have to be nice to him for your dd's sake. In fact you're going to have to stand up to him and get angry for her sake.

If he gave a shit about her or your family he wouldn't have done this in the first place. He's the one who has deprived her of a family with her dad as part of it.

I'm sorry for everything that's happening right now. That was a despicable thing for him to do . I can imagine you're absolutely furious! I have no experience however I would definitely in future (for the time being) only allow supervised contact with him and dd. do you have someone you can trust who could help you with that? Take care

He is a very nasty piece of work. Please see a solicitor as soon as possible.

He sped off? Make sure you underline that fact with the solicitor.

Solicitor straight away, residence order, supervised contact only (assume DD Iis back with you?). If not as soon as she is, that's it. See you in court.

No more being nice. What a stupid little toddler he is - this will be about him feeling guilty and furious because he has fucked up his life. Wanting to blame you (for not ignoring it and letting him carry on as usual, presumably) but knowing he actually can't, so he just acts out to you. And in doing so he's ensured that he's made himself an abduction risk for his own daughter and will end up seeing her supervised only.

Cold fury from now on. Make sure his family/friends know what the score is- Mr. TwatBrain is sulking and stropping because he's discovered that actions have consequences. He's started on your daughter, undermining her safety and security.

I hope everyone involved right now knows by now what has happened and why he is behaving like this.