Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

what the fuck am i supposed to do with this now you fucking wank stain?!

333 replies

fuckingfuckingbastard · 03/05/2012 20:47

so angry - name changed

DP has been working away, I went to visit him last weekend- we stayed in a hotel and had a lovely time. I came home and he suddenly started to act weird.

I came back on Sunday and that evening he was going out for dinner with his bosses, on the company- how nice thought i...

Tonight he has been really really off with me, saying weird stuff like how much he likes being away and wants to stay there- "coming home every once and a while to see the family"... WTF?!

Anyway, i was clearly pissed off with this and was asking what the hell he was going on about and what the hell had got in to him?!

It aroused my suspicsions so much- just knew something was off so I checked inline banking and there was a payment to slug and lettuce on sunday- he told me he went somewhere else with the bosses- however payment is not enough to be for dinnner, couple of drinks, makes me think he went there after the meal with ??? - he did not mention doing this.

I then checked the online account on t-mobile and I can see loads of texts to a number I don't know- you guessed it, since sunday night.....

I tried to ring the number but got voicemail.

Don't know what the fuck to do. We are supposed to be getting married in a matter of weeks. We have a beautiful dd, 19 months old :(

OP posts:
crypes · 03/05/2012 20:50

Do you think his getting cold feet about the wedding? Sounds like his having a crisis. Talk to him about the wedding looming and what are his feelings. You dont want to get jilted. Sort it out now.

Hassled · 03/05/2012 20:50

I'm so sorry. Does he know you know?

Anniegetyourgun · 03/05/2012 20:53

Cold feet? Sounds like he's warming them somewhere else...

Original poster
fuckingfuckingbastard · 03/05/2012 20:57

No, he doesn't know I know yet- although he is clearly stupid as he knows I have access to both banking and phone accounts.

He isn't home until Sunday at the earliest and I don't want to confront him over the phone. I want a chance to look at his phone before he knows I know too- I'm sure he will delete any evidence but there might be something he overlooks...

Annie, great joke- thanks for that.

OP posts:
Olympia2012 · 03/05/2012 20:59

Ask him how he feels about the wedding...

Northernlurker · 03/05/2012 21:03

If he was chatting up somebody else - would that be a dealbreaker for you? If he's slept with someone else is that a dealbreaker? Is a full scale affair a dealbreaker? You need to think about what your bottom line is before you go any further I think.

Yes he is stupid btw. Unfortunately many men often are. JUst how stupid they themselves don't know till they've screwed up their relationship. I do know some women in this category too but overwhelmingkly it's populated by men.

Original poster
fuckingfuckingbastard · 03/05/2012 21:03

just called the number again- second time went to answerphone, third time they answered but didn't say anything. I don't know any blokes who would do that. Do you?

thing is, we are supposed to be going for a meeting with the wedding planner when he gets back, he was asking about the time etc before

OP posts:
Original poster
fuckingfuckingbastard · 03/05/2012 21:05

northern, that's what I'm trying to work out. I think i could get over silly flirting and texts but not shagging. How will I ever know though? I doubt very much he will be honest about it.

OP posts:
AThingInYourLife · 03/05/2012 21:09

"I doubt very much he will be honest about it."

Then don't marry him.

Northernlurker · 03/05/2012 21:10

Ah - well if you can't trust him to be honest with you about his mistakes then can you trust him enough to marry him? As an example - I trust my dh. I know that sometimes people are utter twits and make mistakes but I trust him enough to be honest about the mistakes. Do you see what I mean? If you feel you can ask him and honestly accept his answer - well good then. But if, as it sounds, you don't trust him to be honest with you then I think you may have a problem anyway - slug and lettuce issues aside.

Northernlurker · 03/05/2012 21:10

x posted - yes that's a much briefer summary of what I was trying to say!

SugarPasteHedgehog · 03/05/2012 21:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
fuckingfuckingbastard · 03/05/2012 21:12

I just think he'd think oh shit and try to cover his arse. maybe i'm wrong... don't know

how do i keep calm until he gets back?!

OP posts:
Olympia2012 · 03/05/2012 21:12

That's very telling.... You doubt he would tell the truth.

I second the 'don't marry him' comment. Sorry

tribpot · 03/05/2012 21:12

Did you speak when they answered the phone? (Presumably you must have done or it would have been a completely weird phone call!) - if you suddenly get a phone call from your DP I think you can begin to smell a rat.

I would also change the password on the T-mobile account.

Helltotheno · 03/05/2012 21:14

Steal his thunder OP. Just tell him he's dumped.

Triffiddealer · 03/05/2012 21:14

What are you supposed to do? How about ask yourself why you are considering getting married to this man?

Why would you want to plan a future with a man who behaves like this? He lies to you and carries on with another woman behind your back, but you still want to marry him? Let's just say it's 'silly flirting'? What sort of man does that? Can you imagine treating a man this way?

I understand that you have a child and that you are probably in shock - but nobody should be treated like this and the more you let him treat you like this, the less respect he will have for you (and he doesn't seem to have an awful lot).

SodThat · 03/05/2012 21:14

Can you go to where he is? Is it far away?

Original poster
fuckingfuckingbastard · 03/05/2012 21:15

ha, no i did not speak either so it was that weird! Blush

OP posts:
SugarPasteHedgehog · 03/05/2012 21:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
fuckingfuckingbastard · 03/05/2012 21:18

no, he's about 4 hours away so not really practical. am tempted though!

triffid, i know- the thing is if i can save things i do want to, just thinking about dd as well as the humiliation of cancelling a wedding a matter of weeks prior (not to mention the expense already incurred) makes me want to be sick.

OP posts:
SugarPasteHedgehog · 03/05/2012 21:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Shelby2010 · 03/05/2012 21:30

Work out a script & phone the number again (eg Is that Paula? I'm looking for a cleaner & I saw your ad in the newsagents). Make sure you block your number tho. At least find out if it's a woman's phone before you decide he's sleeping around.

chocoraisin · 03/05/2012 21:31

believe me, I would rather be embarrassed in the short term than degraded, ground down and humiliated by a husband who can't keep it in his pants long term. And I'm speaking as a pregnant woman with a toddler who just discovered her 'D'H was shagging around behind her back. You will be ok if that's what he's been doing. But if it is, and you know, you must look at the bigger picture and decide if calling off a wedding is worse than living with a man you can never trust? Resenting and being angry with him possibly for ever? That's not better for you, or your DD, than a swift and simple separation. Divorce is shit. IF you don't have to go there - don't. So sorry you have to make such a crappy decision though. x

Triffiddealer · 03/05/2012 21:43

I am sorry. It's horrible. But the truth is, it's not going to be much of a wedding day for you though, is it?

It's obvious he's playing away (in one way or another). And it's obvious that he doesn't care very much about you.

The ball is in your court. What would want your best friend/ daughter to do in that situation?