what the fuck am i supposed to do with this now you fucking wank stain?!

[fuckingfuckingbastard]

so angry - name changed

DP has been working away, I went to visit him last weekend- we stayed in a hotel and had a lovely time. I came home and he suddenly started to act weird.

I came back on Sunday and that evening he was going out for dinner with his bosses, on the company- how nice thought i...

Tonight he has been really really off with me, saying weird stuff like how much he likes being away and wants to stay there- "coming home every once and a while to see the family"... WTF?!

Anyway, i was clearly pissed off with this and was asking what the hell he was going on about and what the hell had got in to him?!

It aroused my suspicsions so much- just knew something was off so I checked inline banking and there was a payment to slug and lettuce on sunday- he told me he went somewhere else with the bosses- however payment is not enough to be for dinnner, couple of drinks, makes me think he went there after the meal with ??? - he did not mention doing this.

I then checked the online account on t-mobile and I can see loads of texts to a number I don't know- you guessed it, since sunday night.....

I tried to ring the number but got voicemail.

Don't know what the fuck to do. We are supposed to be getting married in a matter of weeks. We have a beautiful dd, 19 months old :(

He's such a twat! In your situation FFB I'd go to the CSA. He's obviously trying to control/manipulate you using money, so call his bluff the selfish fucker . Yes, some non resident parents manage to use self employment to avoid paying the correct amount of child maintenance but there's no way of saying he'll be able to do that. Even if he did, it would be so much hassle for him, plus you could report him for 'lifestyle inconsistent with income' and get him reassessed. At least with the CSA you'd be getting something, regularly. From the way he's acting, I'd bet that if you had an informal arrangement between you, he'd withhold money if things didn't go his own way and use money to emotionally blackmail you. Let the CSA deal with it. However, you'll need to keep on top of it and call them regularly or your case will languish on someone's desk.

As for contact, I hate to be the voice of doom but I bet that if he moves down south 'every other weekend' will dwindle to once a month, then to when he can be arsed. I hope not though, for your DDs sake.

I'll look out for that hair colour, thanks .

Everything he said to you about maintenance is about power and control - not money.

Contact the CSA first thing tomorrow and do not discuss it with him any further. You kindly, (extremely so, under the circs) attempted to discuss this issue with him and his response was to seek your sympathy (mind game), then bully you.

Don't communicate with him again regarding maintenance - you are presenting him with tools to control you if so. Take the power back and make this all important move to liberate yourself from this aspect of his shite ;)

See a solicitor WRT contact, don't feel the need to commit to the plan he has presented in the full expectation that you will agree. This man needs to have boundaries put in place before he makes another attempt to gaslight you over your DD ...and this is how I view what he did after he sped off with your daughter. He immediately denied saying to you that he was 'taking' her to make you look a bit of a loon for your reaction to him actually doing so. I feel he was trying to discredit you and in turn justify his appalling behaviour towards you.

I'm sorry if my words seem harsh and it may not seem appropriate to you to do so but please consider limiting direct contact with him to nil, for now. It's horrible to think that he may have it in for you in any way shape or form, after the way in which he has already treated you but the most common response by any man (or woman) when it finally sinks in that they have well and truly fecked up, is to demonise the other party - find reason to hate them and in the face of no obvious reason, create some. ...and all because he can't quite cope with the glaring reality that you are bloody amazing - and he isn't!

Honey I'm afraid this is normal IME. If he plays the victim and tells everyone it's your fault (called wedding off, won't let him see DD, whatever) then he is the victim and people feel sorry for him. They wouldnt treat him that way if he owned up and admitted what he had done. He's not man enough to stand up and say I screwed up. So it's easier to play the victim and get the sympathy. After a little while he'll have actually have talked myself into believeing it, if he hasn't already! The thing to hang onto is that YOU know the truth, and one day so will your DD. The best revenge is living well - never forget it!

see, knew there would be someone who knew what to do.

I agree wit hoaf and weesa

You have done nothing wrong and if he cannot even provide for his daughter despite being an absolute fuckwit of a partner, then he isnt a good father either.

FFB, so sorry that he has turned out to be even more of a loser than it first seemed. As the others have said, you can pretty much work out now that he is not likely to be a regular fixture in your DD's life, neither as a visible dad nor as financial support.

CSA is the way to go - he may well decide to go self-employed again and try to cheat the system, but you can always get HMRC onto him if you think he is; and he won't pay you regularly anyway so it's all a bluff to get you to play it his way.

Sadly, I think your DD may be better off without the loser in her life - if he still blames you for "throwing it all away" (idiot that he is!) then you can see what kind of manipulative bully he is - you wouldn't want that for your DD.

Once again, so very pleased you found out what he was truly like before you got legshackled to him.

It seems to be the way of it OP that they treat you as though you are the pondscum in the relationship instead of them!!??

I also got the crap about the maintenance ... He wanted me to itemise the £39 per week he is paying and asked what would I be paying??? however he did back down when I said 'fine I will go to the CSA'

You will look back on this and be so glad you didn't marry the loser :)

Wow, did you have a lucky escape! This man is utter pondscum.