what the fuck am i supposed to do with this now you fucking wank stain?!

[fuckingfuckingbastard]

so angry - name changed

DP has been working away, I went to visit him last weekend- we stayed in a hotel and had a lovely time. I came home and he suddenly started to act weird.

I came back on Sunday and that evening he was going out for dinner with his bosses, on the company- how nice thought i...

Tonight he has been really really off with me, saying weird stuff like how much he likes being away and wants to stay there- "coming home every once and a while to see the family"... WTF?!

Anyway, i was clearly pissed off with this and was asking what the hell he was going on about and what the hell had got in to him?!

It aroused my suspicsions so much- just knew something was off so I checked inline banking and there was a payment to slug and lettuce on sunday- he told me he went somewhere else with the bosses- however payment is not enough to be for dinnner, couple of drinks, makes me think he went there after the meal with ??? - he did not mention doing this.

I then checked the online account on t-mobile and I can see loads of texts to a number I don't know- you guessed it, since sunday night.....

I tried to ring the number but got voicemail.

Don't know what the fuck to do. We are supposed to be getting married in a matter of weeks. We have a beautiful dd, 19 months old :(

Whether or not he has breached monogamy, it sounds as though he is unsure about getting married, so you need a serious talk. If he is having second thoughts, he needs to tell you, and if he does tell you for goodness sake, postpone the wedding immediately rather than trying to persuade him to go through with it. A cancelled wedding is always better than a divorce. It's also better than a married life full of 'Well you wanted to get married so you can't complain about me now' every time the two of you disagree.

OP, when you rang the phone did you call from your own phone? Did you withold your number? If she has your number she may show it to DH who will recognise it. Chances are though that she doesn't even know he's taken. He's probably told her he's single.

Have you checked his previous bills to see whether this is a new person he's just met?

Have you googled the number?

Speaking as someone who has been cheated on for a long time by my DH - if he really is having an affair then you should confront him and get out as soon as you can. It's horrible to be married to someone you can't trust! Agree with Choco, getting out will be much harder when you're married, have more DCs etc.

What I would say though is, if you can, wait to confront him until you have hard evidence. My DH did exactly what you think your DP would do, denied any wrong-doing, claimed she was just a friend - only admitted what I could prove. Plus, in order for you to know how you feel about what is going on, you need to know what is going on. My gut instinct was always right by the way, it just took some time to get real evidence.

I am really sorry - I know how horrible it is to go through what you're going through.

Oh what a horrible situation (and for you too Choco)?

I agree with the other posters. My wedding was called off 6 years ago now, three weeks before the day. My DD was 1 at the time. Yes, humiliating and hard, but only for a matter of days, and all those that counted knew that it wasn't my fault. And now looking back I know I had such a lucky escape.
Trust your gut/instincts. I think you already know what to do. You maybe just want someone to tell you/back up what you already know.
X

thanks WeesaD, yep, it sucks to be me right now!

My mum tells me that happiness is wanting what you have - not getting what you think you want. My H didn't understand that. OP sounds like yours doesn't know it either. I really hope you make a decision to either stay or go because it's what you really feel is right. You'll only be happy if being married to him is something that you really, truly believe is the right thing for you and your DD. HUGS x

Tonight he has been really really off with me, saying weird stuff like how much he likes being away and wants to stay there- "coming home every once and a while to see the family"...

Time to call his bluff I think. Tell him that YOU are having second thoughts about the wedding and see what his reaction is. If he looks relieved and agreeable to this, then unfortunately you have your answer...and a lucky escape too.

As SGB says, better to cancel a wedding than go through a divorce.

But this

"Tonight he has been really really off with me, saying weird stuff like how much he likes being away and wants to stay there- "coming home every once and a while to see the family"... WTF?! "

You are supposed to be getting married soon.
Even without the slug and lettuce stuff and the phone stuff, this ^ is just all wrong for a man who is about to get married.

I think Shelby's story is a great way to try and ring it again tomorrow.

Such a horrible thing for you to have to deal with.

Please think carefully about going ahead with the marriage.

Doesn't anyone else think it's strange that his bosses would take him out to dinner on a Sunday night?

It's clear he's up to something, OP and it's clear he's got cold feet about married life with you. Take control of the situation and tell him it's over.

I think no one responded to the phone call because your number came up and was recognised. Please keep copies of the evidence you have found so far.

What a nasty shock to have to deal with

Odd that the person on the other phone didn't speak when they accepted the call? Don't understand why they wouldn't even say hello.

they were probably together

If you google the number it may well come up with some info. I just googled mine and it came up with my company name.

It's horrible, but I think the wedding needs to be postponed.
It won't feel like it now, but better to discover this now, and deal with it.
It sounds like he has lots of doubts, irrespective of whether there is another person involved.
I'd leave the mystery phone number alone for now as it will just add to your anxiety. Speak to your partner and insist he answers all your questions.

Don't worry about the money (it's cheaper to call it off now than end up divorcing him) & and you have no reason to feel embrassed or humiliated tgat would totally be on him.

You've had some great advice, use this time till you see him to get your head together.

Hi, sorry I have been on the phone to him for over an hour.

Thanks for all the lovely posts, so sorry to hear how some of you have been treated so badly :(

Anyway, i couldn't hold it in and blurted out my discovery (i know, i am rubbish) and he firstly tried to twist it into "why have you been checking up on me?"

Then he finally gave me a story about it being a dodgy deal he's got going at work that nobody is allowed to know about so he was keeping it a secret.... again, (smells like bullshit?)

Anyway, he will be home on saturday and swears blind that all will become clear and i can check his phone messages against the bill and he won't have deleted anything etc etc. We shall see. And then will come the consequences....

Oh, by the way, I did withhold my number and googled it- nothing, even tried searching it on facebook but again, nothing.

I will wait to see what happens, obviously we have a lot to sort out either way.

And yes, SilverSky, the fact that nobody said hello, not even a questioning "hello???" I felt was massively suspicious and definitely not typical behaviour for a man?

Don't marry him.

Whether or not his dodgy tale is true (and to be honest, I'd find knowing my partner was dishonest or doing dodgy things to be very upsetting and probably a deal-breaker, but I have a real thing about being straightfoward) you need to talk. About why he wants to live away and only pop back every now and again to see his family. I think your senses are probably correct, there's something going on, you just haven't found out about it yet.

Well, nothing has been proved yet. You have probably lost the chance to ascertain who owns that mobile. I would say postpone the wedding, something does not sound right.

Anyone saying they'd prefer to stay away and come home 'every once in a while' to see the family does not want commitment. Don't be taken in by a line. Can't imagine anything he'd say now that I'd believe tbh....

No matter what's going on with the Slug and Lettuce/mysterious phone stuff, I would be unbelievably pissed off with this idea of his about living away and popping back every so often to see you and his daughter. I mean, what the everloving fuck? Who the hell says that weeks before their wedding? What is he thinking?? THAT'S why you were checking up on him - because he was being weird and, well, a bit of a knob.

I think you should hash this out with him, and if in any doubt then at least put off the wedding for now, even if you don't immediately decide to leave him. I'm of the opinion that infidelity can be got past if both people genuinely want to. But no matter what, he has a lot of explaining to do.

Agree that if he's dishonest in his business dealings, it's a red flag, but suspect that's a lie given that he'd already put you on notice that he was having doubts about your relationship. So you either believe he's a crook or a cheat.
Not a great choice eh?

I wonder whether there'll be two hasty purchases of a PAYG phone tomorrow? And when he comes home, there'll be some technical reason why the texts to the number you found have been mysteriously deleted.

I accept you've had a shock so I hope when you reflect on all this you will see the folly in pressing ahead with wedding plans with this man. It's really, really significant that you knew he'd lie to you when confronted. I wonder whether at some level that's why you blew your cover so early? Whether subconsciously, you wanted him to lie to you so that you could press ahead with your plans and pretend all is well?

that's exactly it leguminous! thanks for knowing where i'm coming from

thanks too for all the other good advice. charbon, you know last week his phone did myseteriously delete every text on his phone (genuinely did it by itself somehow, i saw it happen!) and I'm wondering whether, oops, it might just do it again before he gets home....

i am pissed off that he would become involved in anything less than above-board and possibly put our family at risk (by losing his job or something i mean, he's not a drug dealer or anything!) so IF that is the case, there is some serious expaining to be done about that too.

my gut feeling is that he is full of shit though and it is a woman...

have to just wait and see now. will let you know how i get on, i may well be back in need of moral support :(