what the fuck am i supposed to do with this now you fucking wank stain?!

[fuckingfuckingbastard]

so angry - name changed

DP has been working away, I went to visit him last weekend- we stayed in a hotel and had a lovely time. I came home and he suddenly started to act weird.

I came back on Sunday and that evening he was going out for dinner with his bosses, on the company- how nice thought i...

Tonight he has been really really off with me, saying weird stuff like how much he likes being away and wants to stay there- "coming home every once and a while to see the family"... WTF?!

Anyway, i was clearly pissed off with this and was asking what the hell he was going on about and what the hell had got in to him?!

It aroused my suspicsions so much- just knew something was off so I checked inline banking and there was a payment to slug and lettuce on sunday- he told me he went somewhere else with the bosses- however payment is not enough to be for dinnner, couple of drinks, makes me think he went there after the meal with ??? - he did not mention doing this.

I then checked the online account on t-mobile and I can see loads of texts to a number I don't know- you guessed it, since sunday night.....

I tried to ring the number but got voicemail.

Don't know what the fuck to do. We are supposed to be getting married in a matter of weeks. We have a beautiful dd, 19 months old :(

Excellent point, thank you.

I really wouldn't pay the dress shop any more money - I know you've already paid them 50% for the dress as deposit, but that would be a better loss than the whole amount. If you're going to let them have the dress to sell on, they don't need any more money from you. Just in case you don't manage to sell on the credit note (if you even get one), or only get less than the deposit for it.

First of all I'm sorry you are in this situation. Re the dress, I would check the contract to see if you are absolutely liable for the rest of the cost. If not, just let it go. Yes its money but in the general scheme of things I would do whatever gives you less stress. The venue costs are bigger, that is where the effort should go and you could just let your parents take the lead on that one as it will a) take it off your list and b) they want to help and it will give them something to focus on other than what you are doing and booking random holidays with them.

I also second the idea changing your honeymoon yourself (if possible) to something else you will enjoy. This might not be sitting on a beach, it could be something wildly out there like trekking, sailing, yoga, dancing, wine tasting, whatever suits you.

I'm free for the honeymoon

Hehe, weesa!

Well the honeymoon has now been cancelled, waiting for the refund.

Thumb, it's just if the shop are insisting on the full amount, would rather take the voucher than the dress as a) don't want the dress knocking around the house and b) much easier to sell on a voucher than the dress.

Been to see some more houses today, one was horribly grotty, one really quite nice!! Am going to go for the nice one but don't know if they will let me have it since I will now be claiming housing benefit and they don't count that as income (why?) so I get the feeling I will have to do my best hoop-jumping.... Wish me luck!

Good luck FFB (but I would still get legal or consumer advice on the dress shop - I don't think they CAN insist on the full amount if they want to keep the dress - but it depends on what you signed when you ordered it)

Still waiting to hear from the shop.

Meanwhile... I've dyed my hair!! And done the mn haircut!! It looks bloomin great if I do say so myself... It's darkish reddy brown and I've chopped a good 5/6 inches off!

I'm seeing him on Saturday so it will be a clear visual message of my moving on- would never before have completely restyled my hair without consulting his opinion. So as well as being a lovely change it's also a nice "fuck you" message if that makes sense?

Hair sounds lovely - and yes, it will send him a message that he is no longer important enough to be consulted. Good for you!

Will someone be around when you see him? Is he coming to see your DD?

You go girl! On the road to FABULOUS!

Good luck today!

What colour dye did you use, if you dont mind me asking? Sounds great, and I'm after a chestnutty brown colour. Hope today has gone ok.

FFB

Just sat and read through the whole thread.

What an amazingly strong women you are, do not forget it!

I've just read this whole thread too. Well done on staying strong FFB. Good luck with sorting out a new place to live.

One thing I did wonder about the reception in these cases is if they make you pay the 75% and if you turn up on the day and someone else is using the venue would you have a very good case to ask for a full refund? May be worth a bit of detective work.

Think of what you are teaching your child, if you decide that you will marry someone who you suspect of cheating. Do you want them to grow up thinking it is alright to let their partner treat them that way? Really awful, but better to find out now than after the wedding. You can still call it off. Thinking of the money, it will cost you even more to go through with the wedding and later get divorced.

Don't tell the agency/ landlord you're on housing benefit, just get a guarantor if possible.

NAR4 - it's usually a good idea to read more than just the OP, especially when there are so many posts on a thread.
OP has already cancelled the wedding.

Hmm, it went ... ok? Well it was a bit shit really. He was half an hour late so I was already pissed off. He didn't apologise or anything.

Anyway, he is dragging his heels with maintenance payments (surprise) because he is worried about the money he needs for getting himself sorted with a place etc. So selfish.

He has taken a job down south permanently and is looking to live there. Said he will come up every other week to see dd.

Don't really know what to do about the money, how can I force him to pay?? He said to me if I try to go through CSA he will go back to being self employed and claim he earns minimum wage so I will get a lot less.

I am just incredulous that he is being such a cock about this when this is all his doing! He is the one who has shit all over me. I should add that he is still angry with me for not taking him back- I am the one who decided to throw it all away etc. Erm, no love, you threw it away when you decided to get your end away.

Pah. Any words of wisdom appreciated.

On the plus side, I am getting somewhere to live sorted thanks to my lovely family :)

Oh and kitty, I used a L'Oréal one, I think it was called auburn brown x

How he has and is handling this is indicative of his true colours isn't it FFB?

I hope you and your DD are settled a little soon. You deserve it.

What a pig!

If he isn't going to make regular payments then getting the CSA involved will mean that you at least see some dosh. Seeing as he's now going to be a single man it's not likely he's going to make himself worse off financially to spite you or how on earth is he going to support himself? He wouldn't be able to just claim he earns minimum wage if he isn't. Ignore what he's saying, he's trying to be in control and upset you because you won't take him back.

Stay strong, he doesn't deserve you or to upset you

I was with someone who was a prick, dyed my blonde hair reddy brown. Met DH the next day....

And HE threw it all away, NOT YOU.

Missed the bit out about dumping the prick who wouldn't let me dye my hair.

oh FFB What line of business is he in? If he is going to try to manipulate you now then what will he be like when he moves down south?

He is an absolute shithead. I am not sure what you can do re maintenance. Someone will be along who will say exactly how to sort this out. He is selfish - pure and simple.