what the fuck am i supposed to do with this now you fucking wank stain?!

[fuckingfuckingbastard]

so angry - name changed

DP has been working away, I went to visit him last weekend- we stayed in a hotel and had a lovely time. I came home and he suddenly started to act weird.

I came back on Sunday and that evening he was going out for dinner with his bosses, on the company- how nice thought i...

Tonight he has been really really off with me, saying weird stuff like how much he likes being away and wants to stay there- "coming home every once and a while to see the family"... WTF?!

Anyway, i was clearly pissed off with this and was asking what the hell he was going on about and what the hell had got in to him?!

It aroused my suspicsions so much- just knew something was off so I checked inline banking and there was a payment to slug and lettuce on sunday- he told me he went somewhere else with the bosses- however payment is not enough to be for dinnner, couple of drinks, makes me think he went there after the meal with ??? - he did not mention doing this.

I then checked the online account on t-mobile and I can see loads of texts to a number I don't know- you guessed it, since sunday night.....

I tried to ring the number but got voicemail.

Don't know what the fuck to do. We are supposed to be getting married in a matter of weeks. We have a beautiful dd, 19 months old :(

Hi,

Well it is all offcially cancelled. My dad phoned round all the suppliers today. As expected the hotel want 75% of total cost. However, they are saying that as it was me who physically signed the contract (on behalf of us as a couple obviously) it is only me who is liable to pay this! Can this be right? Might post in legal as well to see if anyone has advice, doesn't seem very fair. Oh and don't suggest that he will just stroll in with his cheque book and sort it all out, he will not. If they want that money off him, they will have to fight him for it, probably take him to court.

The dress shop also wants 100% of the cost of the dress. I have already paid half- £450 as a deposit on it but they are saying as it has now been ordered, I must pay for it in full. I don't know about this either as we had no contract/signed any terms and conditions etc. Can they enforce this?

Have posted this

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/wedding/1469987-This-is-a-long-shot-Alfred-Angelo-1136-Is-anyone-looking-for-this-dress

in Weddings, it is a long shot but I just hate the amount of money going to waste, if somebody can gain from it, I would prefer that to, otherwise I may as well have thrown my money directly down the drain.

I wonder if anybody is after a whirlwind hotel wedding...

oh shit, links!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/wedding/1469987-This-is-a-long-shot-Alfred-Angelo-1136-Is-anyone-looking-for-this-dress

Put it all on Ebay. Bigger audience. Make sure your postage/delivery terms are good.

I am so glad that you have cancelled, and sorry about the hard nosed hotel. I think in the long run this is the best decision.

Agree with mathanxiety - ebay is the way to go, plus maybe a wedding forum?

Either way, it's cheaper than having a wedding shortly followed by a divorce. x

I agree with math. Anything you can salvage, cost-wise, now is better than nothing. Can you 'sell' the venue booking on eBay as well? I'm not sure about the legality of this.

In terms of the hotel, I think if you are the sole signatory on the contract then you are solely liable, sorry. They have no way of chasing him for the money - contractually they don't even know who he is, if you see what I mean. That said, I see no reason why you shouldn't just tell your ex that the hotel require 75% of the cost of the venue, and that under the circumstances you'll be expecting him to pay. But I would definitely post in Legal for a more informed opinion.

I think you've made the right decision, at least for now. Perhaps in time the relationship can be repaired, especially if he is now taking you seriously.

so the venue and dress supplier are asking for full cost even under the circumstances?

i think that is very off, and very harsh.

I would ask him for the money, and try to flog the venue and the dress on Ebay or similar, he has caused this mess, he should stump up the cash. That said, if he wont, you again can thank your luckies and add it to the list of reasons to ditch him.

you have absolutely done the right thing, so hang on to that.

I think "asking" him for the money starts from a premise that he doesn't "have to" pay and it'd be doing you a favour. I think you should take the stance that you both need to pay the balance and that you are expecting him to transfer £x to your account by x date.

Ive been lurking and am so impressed with your strength!! Was utterly shocked at his arrogance over "you not throwing your wedding away".

Sorry you are now having problems with suppliers no advice unfortunately but hope you can sort it out.

I'm quite surprised the wedding dress people are being so hard line - it's not like they wouldn't be able to sell the dress on again - presumably you are a relatively normal shape and size?

Not that surprised at the venue though :(

Has the limit for small claims court changed? I thought it was a maximum of £5000 that could be gone for through small claims - of course, this might have been a more economical wedding and therefore that might be enough, but it wouldn't be for many wedding venues, even at 75% of the cost.

Am very glad you have cancelled the wedding though - what has he said about it? You're seeing him tomorrow aren't you? Be prepared for him to be very angry if he doesn't already know you've done it - and for him to refuse to give you any money because he didn't want to cancel it, it's your fault it's all gone to shit and you and your family can wear the cost.

Thumb witch, they will easily sell that dress again, it is massively popular (and beautiful) and I am size 16, although dress is 20 as they come up v small. There have been no alterations on it so it is a blank canvas for someone else to alter to fit them. That's why I am a bit shocked with the shop. They are really just wanting the money, plus they will then sell it again, doubl pe the profit, Ker-Ching! Bastards.

75%for hotel is just under 5k...

I'm not seeing him tomorrow now, there's no point, it has been decided and he knows about it. On the plus side he is becoming less and less angry now, it is sinking in what has happened, what he has lost and I think he is accepting it. Seems more sad than mad now. almost feel sorry for him

I really appreciate the comments about me being strong. I do feel like I just pretending to be and I am just trying not to think about how I miss him so terribly and just want to go back in time, even just to have one last lovely big cuddle.

I am so, so sorry he left you no choice x

I really think you should challenge the dress shop, FFB. That's shit of them. If they can easily resell it (and I agree, it is a lovely dress) and you have no contract with them, let them take their case to small claims.

Oh no no no - if you pay for the dress, you take the dress. They do NOT get to charge you full whack for it and then keep it to sell on, that is fraudulent.

I'm glad you're not seeing him, tbh. But don't be taken in by his "emotions" - I fell for that once when my ex-bastard phoned me up in tears and "what have I done, I think I've made a massive mistake" - I had a great weekend away with a friend, phone him Monday when I was back only to be treated to a cold "what do you want, I'm busy" in a fuck-off tone. Serious come-down, like a bucket of ice water. I'm sure he will feel sorry for himself from time to time - but that's the point - he feels sorry for himself, not for you or for what he's done. :(

YY on the dress, if you are paying the full price take it and sell it on yourself. They can't possibly deny you the right to take it if you pay in full. Sorry this has happened to you, OP. It's shit now but better days are ahead.

I'd be inclined to go to his family, tell them what he's done and ask if they can help financially.

Glad you are not backing down FFB, thought you were having second thoughts earlier in the week! The dress is yours, you pay for it, it's yours. As others have said, you will be able to re-sell it easily. I would definitely ask him for the money, if he says no, seek legal advice (CAB?) and claim it against him. This is down to him, he needs to take some responsibility.

And yes...you are strong

Dont try to sell the dress yourself i paid £800 for mine and i cant even get £250 for it tried ebay and loadsa other places. Ring was £1000 and i only got £250 for it. Would there be any way you could sell the entire wedding package? Are there any wedding planners near you that might take over your booking for you? I think it might be worth looking into as a way to recuperate some of the costs.

Hope you're feeling better, you've had a lucky escape

Love, get legal advice on the dress. You might be better off just losing the £450 and telling them to keep the dress. IF they took you to court, the fact that it's a 20 and could be altered MUST count for something.

PLUS... check out if you paid on credit card or something, it might be that you are covered on an insurance so 'may' be able to claim back the £450...

Im sorry ffb what a shit he has turnedout to be.

I hope you get some advice on legal regarding your dress etc.
Has he been in contact regarding costs etc?

I'm so sorry FFB, but you've done the right thing. How lovely of your dad to call your suppliers - I had to do it all myself, even down to taking my tiara back to the shop where a snotty cow questioned why I was returning it she's lucky I didn't twat her one.

With my dress, I could either lose the deposit and the shop keep the dress, or I could pay the balance and take the dress. I chose the former, as I didn't want a redundant wedding dress sitting around the house. In our case we had taken a loan out to pay for the wedding, and it was taken as read that my ex took over this and paid it off except he didn't, he spent the whole lot on god knows what and ended up being chased by bailiffs for the repayments. I can;t recall what the hotel said - I think they said we had to pay a certain amount as it was only 8 weeks before the day, so iirc I told them to get the money off my ex and I'm not sure they ever bothered.

As someone else suggested, TELL him how much needs paying and by what date. If he refuses, get his family involved and they may shame him into paying. Failing that, threaten to take him to court and do it - someone has linked to small claims court, above, and it's easy to do. It will shit him up and he'll probably pay up before it gets that far.

Have you already booked and paid for the honeymoon? I'm asking because the one thing I regret is cancelling my honeymoon - I wish I'd just transferred the money already paid to a different holiday and swanned off for two relaxing weeks by myself. Maybe that's an option? Give you time to rest and relax on your own, or take a friend?

I know it seems shit now, but fact is you'd have been set for a miserable married life. But now, here's to a brighter future...

I would suggest you get all your paperwork out and go to your local citizens advice and see what you can do. Perhaps there is a way of cancelling the order for the dress and do something about the hotel. Alternatively, perhaps you can go to one of these sollicitors in your area where the first 1/2 hour or initial consultation is free. Did you pay any of these deposits on a creditcard? If so take those as well, some include and insurance policy.

Once you know where you stand it may be a good idea to speak to his parents and explain what happened, however, don't go by yourself, take someone who can keep their cool. If you think that this would be too upsetting, perhaps you could write to them. Explain how you feel, what happened and the financial mess you are left in. Ask if they can help. You never know. If he was my son I would be gutted that he treated you so badly and make sure he paid his way.

I'm sure that in the long run it will all work out for you. (x)

just read this sad story,and i do feel for u....similar thing happened to my son...his fiance went off with richer bloke....wedding all planned rings bought , deposits all paid....they had been together a while....my son was totally devastated ...i was and still am....loved the girl like she was my daughter......only good thing was they didnt have any children,,,,have seen her once since this happened last year and she looked at me like i was something on the bottom of her shoe......she wont talk to anyone in my family...her father has dealt with any issues (weird i know for a grown woman).....i do know she split with the guy she was seeing and sent a message thru friends that she thought she had made a mistake.....then changed her mind again.....dont feel my family ever knew her really.......my son seems to be doing ok now nearly a year on, but i really miss her and cry nearly every day about this...i wish i could forget her , but i cant seem to get this out of my head...i have a lot of unanswered questions ...

I am so sorry that you are going through this.
Stay strong.

how are u....as u have not been on here last few days was wondering if u are ok...