He's effing done it again

[Intrum]

To make a long story short, DH has spent ALL our money on fruit machines so we can't pay our rent or bills this month.

This is the third time he's done this during our six year long marriage and I'm livid.

I hate him so much, not giving him another chance this time. I had a minor panic attack lying on the floor shaking and my legs wouldn't work, we're definitely looking ar divorce.

Now, I'm gonna have to find a way of paying rent this month and don't know what to do!!!!! How am I gonna come up with this money? I had just transferred my share of rent and bills yesterday and it's gone! Got 300 left in my account but that's it, don't want my kids to get homeless? Do I take a payday loan? Postpone rent until I get paid? Do you think I can take a loan from my bank?

I'm so upset, hate him so much, but need to focus on not making me and the kids homeless rather on what an idiot he is!!!!!

Don't get a payday loan. I know this is of no use this month but get all the money transferred into your account, pay the bills and split the difference.

And the idiot is just feeling sorry for himself, thinks its everyone else's fault. Society's done him wrong by not making him rich. He's never prepared to work hard for anything, wants everything handed on a plate and when this doesn't happen he feels hard done by!!!

I want him out, he won't be living here to pay rent next month.

Can you manage the bills without him? Do you have a relative who can help you out financially and then pay them back in installments?

If so then boot him out. He is out of order and needs to sort out his addiction without it being detrimental to you and your kids.

If the relationship is over get on the phone to CTC and tell them you are now single etc.

Hi sorry your in this position not much advice I'm afraid but don't take out a payday loan-they are dreadful. Can u call your landlord maybe he could give you some grace? Failing that call the cab first thing -they can tell you about your options and make sure he doesn't have access to the money again. Best of luck

Talk to bank first about a loan, then landlord if necessary about delaying rent, payday loan should be last resort. Finally I think you should tell D?P to leave while you think about whether you want a divorce. The bank will probably give you a loan if you have an income and good credit record in your household. D?P clearly has a problem and needs a very clear message that he needs help.

right..practical I can do.

Call your council/HA/LL and tell them. Even if you have to say that your not-so-DH has blown it on the fruits. Talk through with them a way to pay the debt by adding a bit on every week/month.

Same with all the bills. Most, if not all, will bend over backwards to help you. After all, they still want the money coming in.

Finally, start looking at Tax credits/benefits if you are serious about divorce/kicking him out.

Just realised I can sell his things. He's got two xbox360 and lots of games, should bring in something.

I would need to find something smaller to afford single life but we've just renewed our tenancy for another 12 months, does anyone know if we can get out of this?

Thanks for your support, it really helps.

No joint accounts, right? You have to transfer money for him to have access to it?

Don't take out a payday loan. You can sort repayment plans with utilities and hopefully with your landlord. Your landlord would probably rather have the money a month late than not at all. Can you pay the rent and bills on your own?

Lots of rental contracts have break clauses. Do you have your contract?

My income is good and credit rating is good, apart from being linked to DH whose credit rating isn't very good.

I work full time and have got two DS's so not sure when i'm gonna have time to phone cab etc. will try during the week.

My job is rather new so don't want to take time off.

As a single parent there will be financial help you can get. Would your landlord accept housing benefit?

I'd have £600 left after council tax, rent and child care if I'm on my own, so should just about be ok.

Who do you rent from? Private I assume. Do you claim housing benefit? Do that today, online. Call tax credits on Monday and report you are single. Batten down your financial hatches, close any joint accounts, cancel any joint credit cards. Have you looked at your local housing allowance entitlement? You may be ok where you are. If not, you can't normally get out of a tenancy agreement so canyoudouble the kids up and get a lodger or take foreign students?

What an utter knob

I hope you feel a bit better now, that panic attack must've been scary.

You sound focused and angry now. Focused and angry is good. Good luck!

We were receiving hb when we started the tenancy so ll will be ok. We've only not received hb since I started working in feb.

The new tenancy makes a difference, you prob have good relationship with landlord but you will need a reference so judge carefully what you tell them. Don't worry about utility bills, the companies will organise payment schedules when you talk to them. Sell as much of his stuff as you can but be careful you don't end up selling for too little for a quick/ revenge sale. If you have a credit card under the limit make your grocery purchases on that. Don't make any discretionary payments for anything. All the above are short term expediencies only.

We've been on the waiting list for council house since 2009, but not been prioritised. Maybe they'll help house me now?

Rent at present is 875 per month, which is a lot.

Thanks for all the advice, it's been helpful.

You will need some time to sort a divorce, and you really do need some advice from CAB pretty quick. While you're married, his debts are yours, so his creditors can come after you for money. So if he's not in a big financial hole yet, I'd want a clear break before it gets worse.

You can try telling your employer, very calmly and without emotion, that you will be divorcing and may need an hour here and there to sort the legal end of things. Just be very professional about it. Everyone has personal issues, and the trick is to handle it as well as possible, with the least possible impact on your work.

Divorce is very common, and your employer will understand, as long as you're not weeping in HR and taking off a weeks for stress!

Curryspice is being kind to him. If there was a hug emoticon OP I am sure we would all use it.

Has he agreed to go? Can you tell his parents and get them to persuade him to go to their home?

Oh, and another thing. What if he refuses to leave? What do I do then? I've got no family or friends nearby so wouldn't have anywhere to go. Can I force him out?

I've spoken to his parents, they are being very kind and helpful and have been through things like this before with him. His mum even encouraged me to leave him as he was being such an idiot. They both said me and the boys don't deserve this.

His parents are very upset and would probably not want him to go living there now.

His parents probably will have him, if nothing else but to help you out.