He's effing done it again

[Intrum]

To make a long story short, DH has spent ALL our money on fruit machines so we can't pay our rent or bills this month.

This is the third time he's done this during our six year long marriage and I'm livid.

I hate him so much, not giving him another chance this time. I had a minor panic attack lying on the floor shaking and my legs wouldn't work, we're definitely looking ar divorce.

Now, I'm gonna have to find a way of paying rent this month and don't know what to do!!!!! How am I gonna come up with this money? I had just transferred my share of rent and bills yesterday and it's gone! Got 300 left in my account but that's it, don't want my kids to get homeless? Do I take a payday loan? Postpone rent until I get paid? Do you think I can take a loan from my bank?

I'm so upset, hate him so much, but need to focus on not making me and the kids homeless rather on what an idiot he is!!!!!

What a nightmare you've found yourself in. It's scary that he's been making credit applications in your name, you really need to speak to CAB to get that sorted and your credit rating cleared up. You will qualify for single parent benefits if you're living separately, even if you haven't filed for divorce. Gambling addictions are particularly difficult to treat so I wouldn't hold out much hope of lasting change I'm afraid. Concentrate on getting him out and getting on with your life. Maybe he can stay with his parents for a few weeks until he gets paid and can find himself a house share or something like that. As for threatening to hang himself, that's just emotional blackmail, ignore him.

WHen you see CAB etc the main thing to tell them is that your H is a gambling addict and that's why you need to get rid of him and separate your finances. You need to make sure that he cannot get any money via your bank/credit rating.
He won't hang himself. He's not sorry. He just wants you to shut up and stop being angry - the only thing that matters to him is his addiction.

I went through his pockets to find his phone to see if I could find sort of indication of where he's been, I found £140. Don't know where it's come from, am I right in taking it towards rent or does that make me as bad as him?

Nope. I'd take it

If you go somewhere like Game/gamestation (if you still have one) or CeX they will give you cash same day for the xbox/games. CeX also takes phones, DVDs, cameras, computer parts etc. Ebay will take too long, I think.

You can get benefits as a lone parent once you're separated.

Oh fuck, rent's due on the 3rd. Doesn't leave me much time to sort things out.

Look you are starting to sound like a bit of a doormat. How could you let him just go to bed? Wake him up, kick him out and keep the cash obviously. Where is your head at? He stole £1200 from you, you found £140 of it left and you wonder whether taking it back makes you as bad as him?

You need to get tough, detach and kick him out. Why would he give a fuck about helping you sort out the mess he made last night? What do you think his solutions will be? I bet I know- 1) payday loan (in your name, obv) 2) borrow money from your family 3) shrug helplessly

He's a useless drain on you. He isn't a partner!

So I need to come up with another £350 for rent, how much do you think 2 Xbox 360 consoles are worth? Plus games.

I'd take it too.

I would start divorce proceedings for the gambling.

I am very shocked he went into your internet banking too. I used to know an old lady who went to buy a washing machine, they offered her credit and when she applied they declined it, turned out her gc had a catalogue account on her address and were massively in debt with it. Your not alone by anymeans when it comes to people being shits about money.

I really wouldnt care what people think, your dc are more important.

Thanks Erik, I needed that. And those are exactly the solutions he normally comes up with.

I agree you start to sound like a doormat. Kick him out.

How can he just go to sleep after what he is putting you through?

He is expecting YOU will both take responsibility and bear the brunt of his actions.

He works.
Get rid of him.
Get the right benefits
Get money from him through the CSA.

Talk to your landlord. Tell him that your husband has gambled away the rent money. You only have half now, and will pay the rest as soon as possible.
Tell the landlord you are separating, and will need to look for cheaper accommodation.

I am sure the landlord is only happy to get rid of you and let you off the lease if you come clean about what is happening.

This is awful, poor you OP. Put his stuff in binbags, get yourself together, wake him up and tell him to get the fuck out. What is he contributing to your family life? How completely disgusting of him to use emotional blackmail by mentioning suicide, just so he doesnt have to deal with the consequences of his selfish and manipulative behaviour.

You can check prices here: uk.webuy.com/ Take the "discounted" price as your benchmark on consoles. One controller is needed with each console, any extras are treated as extra. "Elite" means old style (not slim) 360 with hard drive attached - or the HD may be sold separately. Wireless network adapters (they click into the back) are separate. Games won't be accepted if they are foreign or (physically) cracked, scratched ones they might take some money off.

You will need ID - driving licence or passport, or bank card with

Def take the cash yound found! Your problem is that you are thinking like a logical honest person but you are dealing with a gambling addict who thinks nothing of taking the food from his children's mouths!

Pay as much of the rent as you can and explain to the landlord that you will pay the rest as soon as you can. If your inlaws take your DH in for a few weeks he will have minimal outgoings so can repay you.

Have a look at your tenancy agreement and see if there is a break clause. There may well be.

Take the fucking money! It is yours anyway.

If I end this tenancy I won't have the deposit to pay for a new tenancy. I think I'll get housing benefit so it will give me time tofind something cheaper.

I will wake him up shortly, ask him to pack his bags and drive him to his parents house. Hopefully they'll take him in. His mum is very upset and hasn't been able to sleep last night, so I'm feeling like I'm burdening her by asking if he can stay there. But I will do it. Just gonna finish my cuppa.

Well if you can manage to stay where you are for the moment I would do.

Pack up his stuff and take him to his parents. I am sure they are upset but will understand that you cannot risk losing your home and that of your children and while he is living there that is a huge risk.

There was lots of good advice up the thread about the practicalities of separating your finances. Get started on that ASAP. I am really hoping you don't find hidden debts.

No debts or credit cards are recorded on my credit report that I didn't know about.

I'm really worried he will refuse to go which is why I'm putting it off. Need to pull my socks up. I know that I will feel relived once he's out the door.

just a thought, but your land lord may have other (cheaper) properties in your area. As you know he is willing to take HB already, perhaps - failing a break clause - you could negotiate with him to downsize into one of their other properties, and revise the contract instead of break it completely? You don't know unless you ask, and he may prefer to help you out if he knows your situation rather than kick you out. Not all landlords are heartless money hounds, he may be a good un!

You are almost there on the rent. Cancel every direct debit you have and get the rent paid as much as possible. Make the appropriate benefit changes/applications tomorrow and apply for a crisis loan for food and travel costs until your benefits get sorted. Just get him out. Keep your mobile in your pocket and if he gets even a bit aggressive then lock yourself in the bathroom and call police to remove him. He might get angry if he realises you have taken the money.
Remember this mess is of his making.

Where can I apply for a crisis loan?

I just went to speak to him and he shouted at me to leave him alone. This is not gonna be pretty, I'm not strong enough for this and need him to go.

I know someone who ended up in a similar position to you, Intrum, because of her ex-h's gambling. She ended up losing her home and it took her around 5 years to sort herself out financially because she didn't divorce him quickly enough and ended up with many thousands in debt.

You can't change your h's behaviour or his attitude to money, all you can do is move on and put yourself and your DC first. You need to start divorce proceedings as soon as possible and cut all financial links to him. Ignore his threats about hanging himself, if he was truly sorry he would tell you that he has taken on two more jobs to pay off his debts. He's a waste of space.

Crisis loan is through the dpw directgov website via the social fund. I'm sure you'd get help.

*dwp website