He's effing done it again

[Intrum]

To make a long story short, DH has spent ALL our money on fruit machines so we can't pay our rent or bills this month.

This is the third time he's done this during our six year long marriage and I'm livid.

I hate him so much, not giving him another chance this time. I had a minor panic attack lying on the floor shaking and my legs wouldn't work, we're definitely looking ar divorce.

Now, I'm gonna have to find a way of paying rent this month and don't know what to do!!!!! How am I gonna come up with this money? I had just transferred my share of rent and bills yesterday and it's gone! Got 300 left in my account but that's it, don't want my kids to get homeless? Do I take a payday loan? Postpone rent until I get paid? Do you think I can take a loan from my bank?

I'm so upset, hate him so much, but need to focus on not making me and the kids homeless rather on what an idiot he is!!!!!

So he made fraudulent credit applications in your name? Bloody hell! I have a feeling as well, that a decline does count against your credit score. However, I got declined several times then suddenly accepted, so I don;t know how the whole system works.

What is he doing to fix all this?

I don't know, haven't seen him since last night, he's not answering his phone and I have no idea where he is.

Oh , and another thing. He's the one getting the child benefit. For me to be able to claim any benefits I need to be the one receiving it.

Does anyone know how to change this so that I receive it instead?

intrum, no matter how much you love him (and your posts show me you do) this man has stolen from you and taken the food from your childrens mouths and potentially the roof from over their heads. You are enabling his addiction by taking him back.

Please dont take him back. Kick him out, see a lawyer asap about seperating your finances legally so that you dont get dragged down into debt with him. If I was a gambling woman, id bet he spent the night gambling to drown his sorrows and in hope of winning big.

On child beneft, just writ to them and have them transfer the money to your acount, esp if you explain that he has gambled it away.

He didnt have any money when he left so wouldn't be able to gamble.

I know I need to leave him, I hope I can stay strong when I speak to him.

I can't afford to pay rent so don't think I can afford a lawyer. I'll go to cab Friday and see what they say.

Intrum, every credit application against your name count against you. The slate is however wiped clean after 6 months.

You should report him for making these credit applications, honestly. He might continue doing it even if you have split, unless you put a stop to it.

He just wants to borrow money for fruit machines, and have no consideration that his actions are putting his family in jeopardy, and rather gamble your money away than ensuring his wife and children have a home.

I think you need to get your divorce papers sorted asap so you can detach yourself from him financially.

You can change the account for the child benefit online on the hmrc . gov website, I think.

Sorry to hear about your situation OP, but it can take weeks for Child Benefit to change the payee. I am wondering whether Women's aid could help you.

OMG. This is vile. I am so sorry.
Where are you in the country? Can we help you?
You and your children deserve so much better.
I would be glad to buy his bloody X-Box from you and I'm sure I am not the only one.

Can I add - do you have the DCs birth certificates and other important documents? You will need these. Please hide them somewhere.

He's home now, feeling sorry for himself. Says he probably needs help and that's a first. Dropping the kids to PILs so we can talk.

You cannot rescue or save someone who does not want to be saved. He saying that he "probably" needs help is not going to cut it I am sorry to say. He has to want to seek help for his own self and if he does, you cannot be a direct part of that process.

You can only help your own self here.

This isn't your shame. You need to tell your family. What he did to your Nan is unforgivable and would be a dealbreaker for me.

I am so angry and feel you both need a kick up the arse. Him for obvious reasons and you to see that you need to stop giving any head space to him right now and sort things out. You are not stupid. You are strong and you can do this. People have posted suggestions, get on ebay now. Don't use the excuse that the kids are there to not make calls. Go in another room, put the tv on for them.

Talk to your family.

Sorry for himself?

How about sorry for you and the kids?

My post sounds harsh. It really isn't meant too and I apoilogise if I have upset you. I am trying to give you some oomph to sort what you need too.

I asked him how he was planning to solve the problem. He said he don't know, maybe hang himself.

He's hurting me so badly!

I dropped the kids to PILs and he went to sleep. So fucking selfish. Don't know wether to wake him up or wait till he wakes up to talk to him .

You haven't upset me JustFab. I know I need to make him leave.

Apparently the poor thing's been up all night.

what an arse. He is just trying to make you feel sorry for him. Get angry instead.

oh my, he does feel sorry for himself, doesnt he?

Seriously intrum, i would make him leave. Get yourself financially back on track, and IF he has independantly sought help in the 3-6 months that he is away from the family home, and IF he has made any attempt to improve lives, then think about a reconciliation. But unless you are hard now, he will just do it again. and again. and again.

The fact that he has been applying for credit behind your back - words fail me.

This man cannot be trusted, and you will end up completely bankrupt from his addiction. Think about your future and your kids' future.

Go upstairs, wake him up, tell him to pack his bags and go. He must face up to what he has done.

ANd dont listen to the "I'll hang myself" crap. If he was serious about that, he would be hanging from a tree right now. He just wants you to feel sorry for him and make it all better.

I am angry! I really hope his parents will let him stay there for a while, don't know where else he could go.

You need to make him leave. Now

He cannot worm his way back in, he is stealing from you and the children, he stole from your Nan. He will see you on the street before he stops.

Throw him out and tell people why so they won't lend him money.

If we don't divorce and only love apart while I give him 6 months to sort himself out, would I get benefits as a lone parent? Otherwise I'll have to divorce him straight away.

Live apart, not love apart obviously.

It think if you don't throw him out you are sending him the message that this is ok and that you will get through it together.

I am sure his parents will take him in. At least till he finds somewhere else. Is he working?

Definitely cut yourself off from him financially now. If he is feeling hard done by he is more likely to gamble agan to escape the problem.

I really hope you don't find that he has managed to get any loans in both your names. He may well have dine.

He's working full time but is not on very good money.