how long was your engagement??

[BabyPeepyGobbler]

DP proposed to me in a lovely romantic way at christmas. We've been together almost five years, three DC...I was over the moon. He told me to go off and plan my ideal wedding, he wasn't bothered if I wanted to do it small and soon or lavish and wait a while. Each time I've wanted to talk about it or tried to set a date it's been met with the same response from him - "What, you mean this , isn't that a bit soon?" So what was the point in telling me to go off and plan it for whenever when he obviously has no intention of agreeing to the dates I come up with, and neither will he give any input of when he would be happy to do it!
I think if you want to marry someone, you want to marry them, simple as that, no need to wait yonks unless you want to save and spend a fortune (which I don't, it's not my style) and if you've already been living together for ages anyway, plus DC together, why drag out the engagement?

So what I'm asking (for a bit of perspective on the issue) is - how long was your engagement?

Our engagement was 9 months. Engaged in the February and married in the November. We had been living together for 3 years. Neither of us wanted a big wedding so we were talking one weekend and just decided we were going to do it and arranged everything within 6 weeks.

11 months I think - to me "getting engaged" wasn't a big thing in itself hence the lack of precision of how long, but a time period between proposing/accepting the proposal and the wedding itself.
I guess if you wanted a particular venue or date then you'd have to wait longer on practical terms than if those things are less important to you.

3 months - agreed to do it, then did it.

Thanks for replying.. we both have small families so it wouldn't be a lavish do, and I'm not really the type to want anything ott, its just beginning to feel a bit like he didnt actually expect me to want to set a date or make any plans which has left me feeling a bit

Try doing the false choice thing. (Cant remember the exact name).

So instead of "How about this date?" Say "Which date? This one...or this one?"

If I were you, given he's delegated planning the wedding to you, I'd just go ahead and do it. Book it, pay for it and then just tell him when. My best mate did naff all for his wedding. His GF planned it all. We woke up in the morning after his stag do with a list on the kitchen worktop. 1) Get changed....to 6) Get married. He's been married for 14 years now and if it were left up to him, they'd still be waiting until their next holiday...their next car.....

11 months. When we had discussed marriage prior to getting engaged I did make it clear to only propose when he felt ready as I wasn't a fan of long engagements and therefore the engagement would be no longer than a year

We were engaged for a year and one month before getting married...aimed for a year but dates weren't available in may for where we wanted our ceremony so we pushed it for an extra month! I don't understand looooooong engagements that go on and on and on!!! I have a friend who has been engaged for 8years!!!!! Kinda makes me wonder if they will ever get married!!

6 years and counting

Two years (because that's when his course finished and we could live together).

We got engaged 6 weeks after meeting

Haha niceguy I like that idea..that's pretty much what I've been doing so far, I kinda got him pinned to a date at the weekend and I've been making enquiries about possible venues but when I brought it up tonight he once again went "eurgh so soon, really?" And I'm talking october, it's bloody ages away!! But I'm gonna carry on planning anyway. For me we could do it next month, next week even, I figured october gives him time to get used to the idea, but why propose if he wasn't ready? He knew I'd be all over it if he gave me Carte Blanche!!

2.5 months

everyone thought i was pg. lol

See oik, that's my idea of how long an engagement should last[ smile]

It will be a year, it is me dragging it out and DP keen to sort out the planning in our case. We have to fit it between school hols and various projects, but if it was just a small ceremony I don't see why it should take even a year.

It can take months to even book the basics, like register office/giving notice, if you want it on a weekend during popular months. So tell him you need to start making arrangements now even if your agreed date is quite far ahead.

three months, but we had been together for 10 years. We eloped and married in a reg office and then announced our engagement, and arranged a summer wedding party 6 months later - different religion and cultures made this necessary.

Sounds like you'll need to give him a choice of two dates, and after that suit yourself entirely with everything

Is he normally so procrastinating? If not, don't take anything to do with your wedding personally. Most men I know have no interest in weddings, so make sure your DP's best man (BM!) is up to the job as he'll be very important on the day. All your DP has to do is show up, but BM has a lot to do actually: so steer him towards choosing his more steady friend.

Have a lovely day / weekend exactly as you want it!

3 months (another one who everyone assumed was pregnant). We were trying, but that's not the point, and he'd planned it all before proposing.

I stand by the give him a couple of dates to pick from, that way he will feel like he has a bit of control even though he gave all of the control over to you

Right, I was with my now dh a yr, and he popped the question.
A year after that when the rugby season ended we had our wedding, so we were together only a yr.
I had it in my head that, if after 2 yrs in a relationship, he didn't pop the question, he'd have 2 go.
He did it after a yr.
What I'm saying is.....set a time limit in ur head, you've been together 5yrs, have 3 dc together.
How soon was 2 soon 4 him?

Only together 2 yrs, doh!

We had been together about 18mths-2yrs when dh proposed. It was another 3-5 yrs (can't remember exactly) until he got me an engagement ring, and we finally got married after 11 years together. I wish I could say we have lived happily ever after but........

14 months, we set the date on the day we got engaged.

A year and one month. DH left me to sort out a date and he just agreed.

Together 4 months when DH proposed he got down on one knee in front of everyone at our local at sports presentation night so it was packed got married 11 months later.

We will of been married 22 years in July.

Engaged last October, marrying this July so 9 months. We had the date set within a couple of weeks of getting engaged iirc.

Getting engaged to me means "we are getting married as soon as we can sort it out" not "we will get married at some unspecified time in the future".

He proposed to me on the Christmas Day, DD was born 7mths later and we got married 16mths later.

Engaged after 8 months, married 9 months later. Didn't want to hang around but we didn't live together before we got married which I think makes a difference
I agree with the idea of giving him a choice of dates and I think you need to be firmer with him. Like you can say it on here: is October too soon? No, it isn't! maybe you should ask if he has any plans for a certain date and if he says no, reply 'ok that's when we're getting married then!'?

We didn't "get engaged" as such. OH asked me to marry him, I said yes and we arranged to see the vicar next time we visited my family. From popping the question to getting married was nine months.

I agree with CupOf. I think that some men don't seem to register that getting engaged is the first step towards marriage.