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Original poster

how long was your engagement??

192 replies

BabyPeepyGobbler · 24/04/2012 23:52

DP proposed to me in a lovely romantic way at christmas. We've been together almost five years, three DC...I was over the moon. He told me to go off and plan my ideal wedding, he wasn't bothered if I wanted to do it small and soon or lavish and wait a while. Each time I've wanted to talk about it or tried to set a date it's been met with the same response from him - "What, you mean this , isn't that a bit soon?" So what was the point in telling me to go off and plan it for whenever when he obviously has no intention of agreeing to the dates I come up with, and neither will he give any input of when he would be happy to do it!
I think if you want to marry someone, you want to marry them, simple as that, no need to wait yonks unless you want to save and spend a fortune (which I don't, it's not my style) and if you've already been living together for ages anyway, plus DC together, why drag out the engagement?

So what I'm asking (for a bit of perspective on the issue) is - how long was your engagement?

OP posts:
Original poster
BabyPeepyGobbler · 25/04/2012 09:38

Blacktea that's exactly the kind of thing I was thinking of, if we hold it at the local hotel we can have the ceremony and then a lovely sit down meal, very relaxed. His family are quite showy, we attended his cousins wedding and it was a massive do in a stately home.. I think that's his family's expectation of our wedding tbh and although he doesn't want that I have a feeling there's a bit of pressure there.. his mum was a bit [shocked] when I told her I'be got my heart set on a gold dress and not white!!
I think I need to instill it in him that it's our wedding and it won't cost a bomb (which still seems to be his main stumbling block), my brother is a photographer so has offered the pics as a wedding present and I make celebration cakes for a living!! Can't wait to make my own!!

OP posts:
blackteaplease · 25/04/2012 09:46

I thought it was one of the best weddings I have been too, very relaxed and finished by 5pm. No speeches, no bridesmaid/best man. Dh did the photos at the ceremony. Afternoon tea served at tables of 4 with no seating plan, people mixed and matched seating to chat to each other.

Their party was also spectacular, hawaiin themed with pinatas and surfboards round the room, tables with a selection of cakes as centrepieces. Hot finger food, no seating plan again. They did do a first dance which I think was the only "normal" wedding thing they did.

timetochangeagain · 25/04/2012 09:49

didnt get engaged as such, I just told DH we were getting married Grin, he says it was the best thing I ever told him to do :)

bronze · 25/04/2012 09:51

9ish months not quite sure when we got engaged

Fimbo · 25/04/2012 09:53

Baby, I had 13 at my wedding including dh & me, only 3 from my side, my best friend (who was bridesmaid) and my parents. The rest were made up from dh's parents, his brother, sister, my bil and 3 nephews So just immediate family only. We were married in a reg office which had formerly been a church so that was nice and then a family meal, no dancing, no showiness. We also got married on a Monday. It snowed the next day, well it was Scotland and November! Grin

OpenMindedSceptic · 25/04/2012 09:54

18 months of engagement. TBH I was very happy to have some time to just enjoy the 'being engaged' period before all the stress that comes with wedding planning.

Voidka · 25/04/2012 09:55

Got engaged in March (day after DS was born) married in the August.

HotBurrito1 · 25/04/2012 10:01

Frankly, I don't really 'get' engagements. We decided to get married and booked a date three weeks later. Everything done on a budget and quickly. Twas right for us as the event itself was not as important as the fact of being married. We had a lovely day, and lots of friends helped out in different ways, which made them feel involved.

littlemissstan · 25/04/2012 10:08

By the time we get married next year it will have been 18 months - I did (and still don't) want it to be that long, but even our pretty casual wedding is requiring some serious saving, and my brother is getting married in between times so allowing for that too. We have at least booked the venues so that is keeping me going! I'm with you - getting engaged means getting married, I knew girls at school who would say they were engaged and when asked when the wedding was say 'oh, we're not getting married, it's just an extra sign of committment' - um, no it's not!

typicalvirgo · 25/04/2012 10:11

6 weeks !

tbh I can't see the point of delaying tactics it when you have decided you are going to do it.

MrsBovary · 25/04/2012 10:14

Seven years!

rubyrubyruby · 25/04/2012 10:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StellaAndFries · 25/04/2012 10:16

8 years so far, in that time we've had three more daughters, moved house twice and still haven't sorted out his divorce.

MrsBovary · 25/04/2012 10:18

To add that we're married now, nearly 10 years ago.

Fizzybee · 25/04/2012 10:32

Ha had the same problem together 7.5 years engaged 3.5years and 2 kids

he did the same thing as your dp , too soon next year etc...

Eventually last year I realised that people who had been together a quarter of the time we had manage to get married in a reasonable time frame and it actully made me feel a bit shitty that I don't mean enough to him toactully set a date and just get on with it

Sooo I decided I don't want to wait for someone else to decide when i can get married I stopped wearing my engagement ring and have told him he's missed the boat I would have married him a couple of years ago but I'm not interested anymore

Probably not the answer you want but there is no perfect time if you want to get married be married it can cost the price of the certificate and you can do the big deal later if it matters to you it hurt me as I think it hurts you my do wouldn't be tied done to a date

Adversecamber · 25/04/2012 10:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TalHotBlond · 25/04/2012 10:46

Men who propose very quickly are usually inadequates who either have never had a girlfriend before or are unlikely to find another one, have a point to prove to someone else or have a great, romanticised, woman-on-a-pedestal view of the opposite sex which leads to problems later on when you invariably fall off it. I've been proposed to a few times (not bragging, I've had a few boyfriends Grin) and am always suspicious of someone willing to launch themselves into that level of commitment with someone they barely know. If I haven't lived with someone, been involved with their family etc over an extended period of time I wouldn't even consider accepting a proposal or marrying them. A lifetime if potential misery is not something to be taken lightly.

CupOfBrownJoy · 25/04/2012 10:55

What an idiotic thing to say TalHotBlond Hmm

You're a tall (spelling?) hot blonde and you've been proposed to a few times?? Yeah right....

dottyspotty2 · 25/04/2012 10:59

Tal that's rather cynical DH and I have been together 23 years he proposed after 4 months married 11 months later and DD1 was born 3 weeks short of our first anniversary, we'd both just come out of a shit relationship had a hellish childhood (both abused) he's my soulmate.

We where also friends beforehand I went up to speak to him in a nightclub and the rest as they say is history.

sweetkitty · 25/04/2012 11:09

14 years this September Grin

Been together 3 years got engaged but never quite got round to the marriage part for a number of reasons.

Now I feel quite embarrassed getting married

oldwomaninashoe · 25/04/2012 11:13

I told DH we were getting mattied on March 31st (he agreed) I then made the mistake of telling family and friends the next day, no onr believed me Blush
We got married on July 29th ,.......I had to wait for my decree absolute or it would have been sooner Blush

Been married 34 years Grin

Bluepetticoat · 25/04/2012 12:52

What exactly is it that you want OP?
Ar you wanting a) commitment b) respectability and status or c) a party?

You see you can get married next week - just book the registry office and have 2 witnesses.

I can't really see wher you are coming from on this.

I can understand 2 people who for whatever reason do not believe in marriage as an institution, but I can't see how you- or anyone- can go as far as having 3 kids iwth a guy and THEN think about marriage.

I know this may be the "modern" way to go about things, but as I said earlier, marriage is less of an issue for me than having a child.

It sounds, TBH, that your man is a commitment-phobe. He is okay withhaving kids but for some reason sees a wedding as more of a shackle round his ankle than those 3 children he's fathered.

AmnesiaCustard · 25/04/2012 12:55

1 year and 9 months. Felt like a very long time and even H said afterwards that he thought it was too long. I'd have preferred a year I think.

evilgiraffe · 25/04/2012 12:58

About nine-ten months (proposed in November, married the following September). However, we had been together for eight years before the proposal, with at least five of those with the expectation of eventually getting married. The proposal just formalised what we had already decided to do.

effingwotsits · 25/04/2012 13:01

6 weeks Grin