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Original poster

how long was your engagement??

192 replies

BabyPeepyGobbler · 24/04/2012 23:52

DP proposed to me in a lovely romantic way at christmas. We've been together almost five years, three DC...I was over the moon. He told me to go off and plan my ideal wedding, he wasn't bothered if I wanted to do it small and soon or lavish and wait a while. Each time I've wanted to talk about it or tried to set a date it's been met with the same response from him - "What, you mean this , isn't that a bit soon?" So what was the point in telling me to go off and plan it for whenever when he obviously has no intention of agreeing to the dates I come up with, and neither will he give any input of when he would be happy to do it!
I think if you want to marry someone, you want to marry them, simple as that, no need to wait yonks unless you want to save and spend a fortune (which I don't, it's not my style) and if you've already been living together for ages anyway, plus DC together, why drag out the engagement?

So what I'm asking (for a bit of perspective on the issue) is - how long was your engagement?

OP posts:
Flisspaps · 25/04/2012 07:51

One year and one day

mumblechum1 · 25/04/2012 07:52

Four days. Got BFP on Tues, special licence, married on Sat.

Flisspaps · 25/04/2012 07:52

That's a lie.

One day short of a year.

Engaged 09/08/08, married 08/08/09

MumbleMumm · 25/04/2012 07:59

A year and 5 months, we got engaged at Christmas 2007 and married May 2009. We talked about it and agreed what year we wanted, and then went with venue availability to find a date :-)

Bartiimaeus · 25/04/2012 08:03

4.5 months.
He proposed. The next day (on the way home from the surprise weekend away) we planned it out - where we wanted to get married, roughly who we'd invite (v small wedding). Rang up and booked the reception that evening (big arggghhhh moment), told all our friends/family in the next couple of weeks. Witnesses weren't available on first choice of dates so pushed it back a week. Got the registery office booked etc.

We got married 3 weeks before our friends who were engaged 2.5 years between proposal and wedding. They were a bit miffed that we overtook them but we didn't want to wait.

CarpeJugulum · 25/04/2012 08:10

2 years, 8 months and 26 days Grin

He proposed (actually handed me the ring een though we'd bought it together 2 months before Blush) on New Years Eve at 3pm. I know this because my parents had taken us all back to Uni and while he'd wanted to propose at the bells - he knew I'd want my Mum there and they were going home.

We then had to finish Uni before getting married though!

Bluepetticoat · 25/04/2012 08:32

About 4 months, after 3 years of knowing each other but not living in sin- as it was referred to in the early 80s.

I really- sorry- don't understand couples who have made such a huge commitment as having several children together, but fight shy of making it a public commitment with marriage.

Sorry this is not helpful but I belong to the school of thought that you commit then have a family, not the other way round.

I wonder why being married is suddenly so important to you if you have already got children and share a life?

Original poster
BabyPeepyGobbler · 25/04/2012 08:35

Thanks everyone! I'm with cupofbrownjoy, I would have happily arranged it for as soon as possible and from what he said when he proposed that was fine with him. I'm actually beginning to think that his proposal was more of a 'we'll do it at some point' rather than a 'let's get married' if that makes sense. Its difficult to get his input as he works away a lot, luckily i don't mind planning it and when he called to say goodnight last night (he's away atm) he told me to carry on planning for the date i'd mentioned earlier (october) but he still thinks it's too soon and admitted he's terrified of the prospect of marriage. I'm going to see about a venue today but feel i've had the wind knocked out of my sails a bit.

OP posts:
juneau · 25/04/2012 08:39

8 months. Engaged in August, married the following April. We'd been together just over two years.

I agree that if you want to marry someone you do it as soon as you reasonably can. What's the point in delaying?

Bluepetticoat · 25/04/2012 08:39

But surely this is something you ought to be planning together?

he seems to be fighting shy of it all and just about willing to turn up for the occasion!

Did you always want to get married andhe didn't?

If so, how have you coped with having 3 DCs under this cloud of lack of commitment from him?

TBH in your shoes I'd not arrange anything, unless he was 100% committed to it and part of the planning. otherwise it comes over that he is being dragged tot he altar screaming.

Original poster
BabyPeepyGobbler · 25/04/2012 08:41

Blue - being married is important to me because he proposed!! What's the point in a proposal if a wedding doesn't follow it? And marriage has always been important to me, I come from a family of long, happy marriages and always wanted that for myself, which he knew. Most of his family are divorced so he's a bit more cynical.

OP posts:
nizlopi · 25/04/2012 08:41

I got engaged in October, married the following April.

Oh shit, its my anniversary soon. Fuck.

blackteaplease · 25/04/2012 08:46

Just shy of a year as we wanted a summer wedding (dh a teacher) but we wrote the guest list and booked a venue practically straight away. I know several people who have done it in 6 months.

I don't think you should get engaged if you have no intention of getting married. I also think it's pretty poor when the groom takes no interest and leaves it all up the the Bride. That's not fair on her.

OP, when is he next home? Can you sit him down and have a face to face about why he proposed and why so scared of getting married? IME it made no difference to our relationship. It's not meant to be scary.

HereIGo · 25/04/2012 08:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TalHotBlond · 25/04/2012 08:47

Theee

TalHotBlond · 25/04/2012 08:50

What was that?!

Three years here, big party, big wedding and erm, an unexpected child in-between! Grin

I don't think you should worry too much yet, he has proposed so obviously wants to get married. I'd just start planning it and tell him the date rather than ask...

PenguindreamsofDraco · 25/04/2012 08:53

Reminds me of that scene from Scrubs which according to Google goes like this:

Turk: Okay, Um... Ever since Carla and I set the date for the wedding, I started thinking. You know those lame-ass couples that get engaged but they never actually get married - they just cruise along, year after year, without making any real kind of commitment?
J.D.: Uh-huh?
Turk: Dude, I wanted to be one of those couples, man!

Grin
mamalovebird · 25/04/2012 08:53

16 months, but that's because he proposed 6 weeks after I had had given birth. I didn't even start planning the wedding until 6 months before.

I structured all the planning and allocated him jobs - designing invitations, sorting the music, sorting the booze - I knew he wouldn't be interested in flowers and favours etc.

Maybe he's just nervous. It's a big thing. I wanted a tiny wedding as I hate loads of people looking and have the family from hell at me but DH wanted something bigger so we compromised. Have you asked him why he has any reservations at all? Not about getting married but other things that might make him reluctant to commit to a date?

Original poster
BabyPeepyGobbler · 25/04/2012 08:57

He is very commited to me and the kids, everything he does is for us, always puts us first, hates being away etc so no worries there

OP posts:
WhereMyMilk · 25/04/2012 09:05

Had been together 2yrs. (he had a wobble at 18months and we split for a while before he came begging me back)

He proposed in May-unexpected and v romantic. Afterwards when chatting, he said, when do you want to get married then, I was thinking September...I said that sounds good, that'll give me nearly 18months to prepare...he said, no, I meant this September, I asked you to marry me, not to get engaged! So I want to marry you soon.

September it was!

That was a decade and 3DC ago :o

Original poster
BabyPeepyGobbler · 25/04/2012 09:06

Penguin made me laugh! Apparently his terror is at being the centre of attention and by having all his family in one place( they're not at all close) we did initially make a guest list of about 50 then cut it down to 15 so just close family and a couple of friends. He dI'd assure me last night that he does want to marry me, very much so, but he seems to see it as a bigger deal than me when in reality as someone said above, not much will change in our relationship, it's almost just like dotting the i's and crossing the t's as we're already 100% committed to each other!

OP posts:
HereIGo · 25/04/2012 09:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ramekin · 25/04/2012 09:12

16 months. Took us a few months to decide where we wanted to do it, then I got a job with a one year contract, so it made sense to wait and have it at the end of that year, we didn't want to have it in the school holidays because then we couldn't have afforded to go on honeymoon.
I think the actual date was picked because that was when the church and venue were both free.

blackteaplease · 25/04/2012 09:23

That's good.

Can you do what my BIL did? He had a civil ceremony with immediate family only (no aunts/uncles cousins) 16 guests in total followed by afternoon tea. Then they had a party a couple of weeks later, it was a very relaxed wedding and far less attention than a full on ceremony and formal reception.

finnbarr · 25/04/2012 09:25

Got engaged christmas eve and then married 25th November the following year...so 11 months and 1 day!!!!!!