how long was your engagement??

[BabyPeepyGobbler]

DP proposed to me in a lovely romantic way at christmas. We've been together almost five years, three DC...I was over the moon. He told me to go off and plan my ideal wedding, he wasn't bothered if I wanted to do it small and soon or lavish and wait a while. Each time I've wanted to talk about it or tried to set a date it's been met with the same response from him - "What, you mean this , isn't that a bit soon?" So what was the point in telling me to go off and plan it for whenever when he obviously has no intention of agreeing to the dates I come up with, and neither will he give any input of when he would be happy to do it!
I think if you want to marry someone, you want to marry them, simple as that, no need to wait yonks unless you want to save and spend a fortune (which I don't, it's not my style) and if you've already been living together for ages anyway, plus DC together, why drag out the engagement?

So what I'm asking (for a bit of perspective on the issue) is - how long was your engagement?

6 weeks here too.

Evilgiraffe - That uncanny - we got engaged in Nov and married the following Sept and we'd been together 8 years before he'd proposed and living together for 5. We were only 18 when we started going out though.

362 days precisely!

Blue as you can see from my posts I'm not looking for a big party or a lavish do and I think I already explained I come from a family of happily married people and always wanted that for myself one day. My partner is very committed to us, he's a wonderful partner and daddy. I don't need attacks on my lovely partner thanks I was just interested in how long others had waited and I've come to the overwhelming conclusion that it all depends on the couple.

Thanks to all who posted, it's given be a real insight into the whole thing and I'll have a chat with him tonight about everything x

Engaged November 02 after 4m together, had DD1 Dec 03, married April 04. So 18m. Would have been sooner if i hadn't got pregnant!

Was our anniversary yesterday! :o

Happy anniversary lady and thanks to all who've shared their story with me x

10 years give or take a few months. You may be glad to know we are actually married now.

18 months, he wanted to promised to marry me before we made binding arangements to move in together, and I wouldn't get married until we were both independent adults (ie no longer parent-funded students). So the engagement was a promise to marry in over a year (but a commitment that we would marry once we were iyswim).

Six years so far and no date set.
We might get round to it eventually.

We had been together four years, got engaged in September and had a Xmas wedding, it was all very exciting! We only wanted a small wedding though, and it was a great day! It was our fifteenth wedding anniversary last Xmas.

That sounds lovely glastocat

Got together in the Feb, engaged in Aug, married in the Jan. Had our DS 3 years later, and we're still going strong. It'll be 10 yrs next year

We originally chose a 2 year engagement then decided to bring the wedding forward by 8 months.

Ghoul - great minds, etc! We were seventeen when we started going out

OP if you always wanted to get married- and it really doesn't matter what anyone in your family has done regarding this- then why did you settle for children and living together?

If you have always wanted to be married, did you just go along with your DP so you wouldn't lose him?

I'm sorry but I don't think your question should be about how long an engagement was- you have gone way along the line past an engagement- you have 3 children together.

6 months.

Met in Aug
Moved in, the following Feb
Asked/accepting the following Feb (we never called/described ourselves as engaged)
Married that Aug

Married for 16 years now with 3 dcs ages 6, 5 and 3.

I was going to post but our situation was different to yours.

I have a theory that there is sort of a "window" for marriage - when people are still in that first flush of love / it's all new and exciting / they meet, get engaged, get married fairly quickly, while it's still the heat of the moment IYSWIM.

Once you have been with someone a few years, living together, children, that moment has kind of passed. TBH everyone I know who is married did it before the children, and people I know with children are permanently engaged but never seem to get around to actually doing it.

Not to offend anyone who did things differently - it's just what I have noticed amongst people that I know.

I think you need to talk to him, say how important it is, that you just want a registry and then a meal or whatever it is and you're going to book it and which of these dates would he prefer.

3 months?

Didn't really get engaged (no ring) Been together years, lived together, talked about getting married.

TBH I'd have done it on holiday on spur of moment.

Decided and booked it for just before a holiday we had already booked (which became the honeymoon)

Told people we were getting married on x date - don't think we ever used the phrase engaged/fiance etc.

I didn't 'settle' blue, marriage was never an issue in our relationship, of course I wanted it as many people do, but it wasn't essential; if he'd never proposed at all I would still be here being happy loving him to death and that would be that. But totally out of the blue and off his own bat he proposed and I was thrilled. As you can see from this thread many people lived together and had children before marriage (my parents included) so what's the problem here? He proposed, marriage intended, I'm just here to ask how long some people stayed engaged before marriage regardless of living together/ having children. Being married to the man I love who's children I've carried and given birth to will be the very lovely cherry on top of an already beautifully iced cake.

3 months for us, or at least it will be when we get married in May. We haven't made a big deal of 'getting engaged', I didn't want a ring or a formal proposal or anything. We just had a chat and decided to get married this year. I said 'how about May', and DP said 'sounds good to me, I'll phone the registrar in the morning and see what availability they've got'.

I thought 3 months was quite a reasonable length of time personally, but apparently it's considered short. I definitely don't think marriage is something to rush into (we've been together for 10 years before making the decision!) but once you've decided you do want to marry each other, I don't see the point of waiting years to actually do it. Especially if you only want a small simple wedding which doesn't require a year of planning.

OP if I'm honest it doesn't sound like your DP really wants to get married. Which is a bit confusing given that he proposed to you. I would have been a bit if DP had said 'go off and plan it for whenever' - as if it was nothing to do with him! As for it being 'too soon' - what does he think would be a reasonable time to wait? What did he have in mind when he proposed? What exactly does he want to wait for?

Thanks ephiny.. he assures me he does want to get married but when we discussed it a bit he basically said what's the rush, neither of us are going anywhere. I know he also has some really big projects on at work this year and perhaps that's keeping him from fully engaging with any set plans (sorry for the pun there) and we have a house move this year too. He's quite practical whereas I'm a bit hung ho...I think his reasoning is we'll have enough on this year without a wedding on top, which makes sense I suppose. Maybe it's reasonable to think we should get everything else out of the way first?

*Gung ho..stupid phone

If you start waiting to get everything out of the way you'll end up like us. We got married after 10 years of being engaged because i said if we don't do it now we never will and i did actually want to be married to him, if you are going for a smaller affair it won't make much difference what else is going on, if you are having a do ah la wills and kate it may be worth waiting.

Well if he wants to wait until next year and/or after the house move, why doesn't he just say that, instead of telling you to plan whatever you want, then complaining about everything you suggest (while not offering any alternative suggestion of his own)?

Is that what he's like normally? It would drive me crazy! Maybe you have more patience though :)

Exactly what I'm thinking Abat.. there will always be something to pay for or plan or do..no big to-do for us, he gets nervous being in front of people and I love the idea of just immediate family followed by a lovely meal, no speeches or dancing or formal stuff, an eBay dress for me, lovely frocks for our girls, something smart for our little man and Do, nothing ott and certainly not expensive. I will talk it over with him tonight but he has so much on at work I feel a bit crap adding to it by wanting to talk weddings (not that he complains lol)