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Original poster

Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 3

999 replies

CailinDana · 16/04/2012 17:38

The first two parts of this thread:
Part 1
Part 2

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

OP posts:
TOTU · 22/04/2012 18:17

I agree with Cailin. Mists, it's easier for your husband to sympathise with someone not so close to home.

You have done nothing wrong. You are feeling what you are feeling and you have told your husband. You don't need to lighten up.

hugs from me. x

CoffeeAhorlicksAnonymous · 22/04/2012 18:20

Cailin, hugs, I don't think you need to tell you DH everything about the abuse, but maybe saying I'm feeling angry/sad etc about the abuse today and I need to be alone/go kickboxing etc would help. I say that because my main support is my DS and he does not need to know the details, he is understanding of how I feel etc. I use this thread to talk about the worst stuff. I also do go with the emotions I feel, allow and accept that I feel that way. You are allowed to feel, ok, xx

CoffeeAhorlicksAnonymous · 22/04/2012 18:29

Berts, you're always welcome here.

Leaving, I personally would be careful as her ideas could be damaging to DC, I wouldn't not see her but I wouldn't leave her in charge of my DC.

Totu, Cailin, thankyou again, touch and go atm, it was a surprise to friend so was a bit manic last night, they've sorted vigils out now so it's just wait and see.

Totu, Dotty, hugs, x sorry am brain dead

CoffeeAhorlicksAnonymous · 22/04/2012 18:33

Argh, Idon't, sorry, hugs, x

Nhan, hope you're ok and manage to nc.

Original poster
CailinDana · 22/04/2012 18:36

Coffee sorry my head isn't switched on today. When you say "it was a surprise to friend so was a bit manic last night, they've sorted vigils out..." what's that about? I tried looking back on your posts but I can't find what it refers to

OP posts:
DontKnowWhatToDoAnymore · 22/04/2012 18:37

Evening everyone, I haven't had a chance to catch up with all the posts. Dd took a turn for the worse so am posting from the ward. She's on the mend now, hopefully.
Hugs to all xx

DontKnowWhatToDoAnymore · 22/04/2012 18:37

Evening everyone, I haven't had a chance to catch up with all the posts. Dd took a turn for the worse so am posting from the ward. She's on the mend now, hopefully.
Hugs to all xx

Original poster
CailinDana · 22/04/2012 18:38

Oh that's terrible Dontknow, so sorry to hear it. What happened?

OP posts:
CoffeeAhorlicksAnonymous · 22/04/2012 18:43

Haha, I'm completely spaced out, my friends relative went for a routine operation, lastnight they were told there were complications and relative wouldn't last the night, relative still fighting so no one knows what's going to happen but they've organised who's staying with relative and when. Sorry completely unrelated to thread Blush just was a bit manic last night.

Sorry Avalon, how you doing?

DontKnowWhatToDoAnymore · 22/04/2012 18:44

Poor little soul, her temp kept on rising, no amount of calpol was sorting it. She had a convulsion and has been on a ventilator, she's a lot stronger now. Awake amd breathing on her own, thank god himself. (There is a lot more to her history, don't want to scare anyone)

Original poster
CailinDana · 22/04/2012 18:45

I'm so sorry Coffee I just saw your post about your friend's relative. Big hug for you darling. That's stressful on top of everything else.

OP posts:
CoffeeAhorlicksAnonymous · 22/04/2012 18:45

oh crap Don'tknow, how is she? how are you? big hugs, xx

Original poster
CailinDana · 22/04/2012 18:47

Wow that's scary Dontknow. You can talk about her history if you feel up to it, it's ok. I'm so glad she's doing well now.

OP posts:
CoffeeAhorlicksAnonymous · 22/04/2012 18:48

xpost Don't know, you won't scare us, glad she's stronger, thank god alright,x

Cailin, one of those days, sorry, x

DontKnowWhatToDoAnymore · 22/04/2012 19:04

Thankyou everyone, she's a lot stronger now, real little fighter Smile
I should take a leaf out of her book, nothing gets to her. We are hoping to be home by the weekend. Causing a lot of problems with dd's father but dp is here to help with that crap x

DontKnowWhatToDoAnymore · 22/04/2012 19:04

Thankyou everyone, she's a lot stronger now, real little fighter Smile
I should take a leaf out of her book, nothing gets to her. We are hoping to be home by the weekend. Causing a lot of problems with dd's father but dp is here to help with that crap x

TheMistsOfAvalon · 22/04/2012 19:21

Thank you for the hugs Cailin Coffee TOTU Maybe he is finding it harder to deal with because it's closer to home, but still. I do think you are right in terms of the fact that I have been trying to address a few things with myself, and that's extended to our relationship, and I have been asking for the things I want more rather than just putting up with stuff. I've also though tried hard to be more respectful, dropped petty stuff. Because I could be really miserable before, as I've said elsewhere on this thread.

But frankly I'm too upset to care about his feelings right now. Maybe I'll be less emotional tomorrow.

Berts · 22/04/2012 19:25

Thanks guys Thanks

Feeling a bit fraggly and in little pieces, so going to watch the OC and The Good Life and drink chocolate Horlicks.

I don't know if I'll be a thread regular, as I can't decide right now whether I want to discuss it, or just not think about it at all for a while, but it means a lot to me that you guys have welcomed me on here x

Original poster
CailinDana · 22/04/2012 19:32

Sorry you're not feeling great Berts :( Sounds like you have a nice evening planned, I hope it helps a bit.

Don't worry about being a regular, you can just dip in and out. At some point you might just get the urge to let it all out, and we'll be here if you do. Other than that a hello now and again is very welcome :)

OP posts:
TheMistsOfAvalon · 22/04/2012 19:35

Sorry, less about me. coffee Sad for your friends relative. How are you coping? Is everyone looking to you for support? I hope you're alright. Sympathies to your friend and family.

Don'tKnow Bless your DD.(hugs) I hope she's out of the woods clear now.

Cailin I agree with Coffee Good advice. Perhaps just say why you're feeling down rather than give the details. That way you could perhaps avoid having to drag things up and perhaps avoid going into that dark place.

Original poster
CailinDana · 22/04/2012 19:43

I suppose you're right Mists. I feel a bit like I'm blocking him out but at the same time I don't see the point in telling him things that are going to hurt him if it's not going to help me. I know if I tell him I'll sink for at least a while and I don't really have time for it. I've let things out here in tiny bits and even that has been tough.

OP posts:
Berts · 22/04/2012 19:52

Cailin, I was feeling much the same - didn't want to drag the past into our present, wasn't sure how he'd react, didn't know if I really wanted to talk about it at all. But now that I've just let him know why I'm not sleeping and told him how angry I am, I do feel better. We didn't have a big detailed discussion though.

dottyspotty2 · 22/04/2012 20:08

It is difficult for partners the book I've got has a section in for partners but I'm loathe to show him find it difficult enough myself. But for what its worth I personally think he finds it easier helping friends as he's not as closely involved with them the one he loves is hurting and that will be really hard for him xx

TheMistsOfAvalon · 22/04/2012 20:09

Hey Berts I'm glad you've got some support here too, great isn't itSmile Glad you managed to find the strength to talk to your DP.

Perhaps I'm sub-conciously bring my past into the present too. God I must find some way of addressing things in a more constructive way. I think I'll ring Rape crisis tomorrow or this week at least. My doctor just isn't the best way of getting things done I think.

dottyspotty2 · 22/04/2012 20:19

They are good Avalon don't know where i'd be without them quite possibly gone, my counseller said I did all the work but she along with others supported me so well that it was possible.

Since I've accepted who was responsible and also looked at how far I've come thanks to L when she phoned me last and not just how far I have to go I have felt such a different person actually felt ready to stop the meds. I know I'm not allowed to though little things will upset me such as the incident today was shaking as thought my brother was in there but calmed down after bumping into 2 supportive friends xx

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