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Original poster

Time wasters need not apply, Soul Soothers come hither Dating Chat Part 11

999 replies

hatesponge · 10/04/2012 21:22

Ta-da! Think this is the first one I've started.

I am still feeling somewhat feisty. Told my team off at work for being too noisy Blush and was generally stroppy. Might have to go and start a row in AIBU or something!

So, dating, as you were etc Grin

Not forgetting of course that I have a second date at the weekend!

OP posts:
whoyouare · 10/04/2012 21:27

Whats this? Im kind of new! Are you following eachothers dating stories?

ChickenSkin · 10/04/2012 21:27

I have a date for Friday. Not sure whether to try and arrange it for the day time rather than the night so that it's less formal? from what he's said he's wanting to make a full on night out of it! I was assuming a quick drink in a pub somewhere just to get the initial "meet" out of the way!

Original poster
hatesponge · 10/04/2012 21:31

whoyouare it's a bit of everything really - we exchange dating horror stories, give each other moral support and advice, have a bit of a whinge every now and then...and once in a while one of us actually goes on a good date Grin please join in!

chicken what would you feel more comfortable with? I prefer evenings mainly because I look better in dim light and I find dates less excruciating under the influence of alcohol Grin. I've only had 2 daytime dates from my online endeavours and both were pretty awful. BUT if you feel you might get stuck with him in the evening, maybe daytime is better & less stressful?

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adamschic · 10/04/2012 21:31

Well Watch, surely out of five, one will be a goodun.

Sponge enjoy your date Grin.

Goldy, it cannot be the same one can it? I didn't meet mine on the internet, we had history from along time ago. He said he didn't internet date Confused. What are his initials?

I have decided something tonight. I have a few months until DD leaves home for part of the year anyway. I won't actively look for a new man but will once she goes. I will go back on a site and date away until I find an absolute gem. I will have more time and inclination and it will be good to get this one out of my head first. A couple of males friends are in the background if I fancy a weekend away, night out etc.

notsurewhyohwhy · 10/04/2012 21:33

hey just spent a while looking for the dating thread, I'm glad it hasnt disappeared Smile

just wanted to find out how everyone feels about kissing on the fist date?

I've been out on nights out a kissed guys, but that could be to do with the alochol and been really attracted to them.

But i went on a date yesterday and the guy kissed me on the lips when i tried to kiss him on the cheek, then even said i should kiss him again Hmm

also i had 3 dates with a different guy a few months ago and he kept trying to kiss me.

Now if the moment happens natrally then great, but if i dont know someone and not sure how much i fancy them then no i dont really want to kiss them...

does everyone else kiss on first dates? Hmm Confused

ChickenSkin · 10/04/2012 21:35

I felt the same about the dim light! and although I'd love to be half cut when we meet Grin I will be driving so no chance of that :(

ChickenSkin · 10/04/2012 21:36

I couldn't imagine kissing on the first date unless I was really drunk!

adamschic · 10/04/2012 21:37

Hi newbies.

Welcome to this ongoing dating thread, join in we've even had a few successes, waves to Zany.

notsurewhy, I would kiss on the first date if I really fancied them, sure why not?

notsurewhyohwhy · 10/04/2012 21:37

i agree with hatesponge - i prefer night time dates and alochol Grin

notsurewhyohwhy · 10/04/2012 21:46

i dont realy fancy alot of people so dont really wana just kiss someone i dont know too well...

although when i was out on the weekend met a guy who i really fancied and kissed him Grin

but its the awarkward kissed i dont like, i like to kiss when the moment arises naturally...

MissKeithLemon · 10/04/2012 21:50

ooh can I join you please?!

I have two dates for this weekend, one saturday, one sunday. Both evenings.... but will have get out clauses/excuses at the ready! Both are from pof. Am not expecting much but going with an open mind!

Do you think its acceptable to get a little tipsy on first dates anyone? I think I will only be in my own local on sat, so a safe environment, but I haven't ever had more than one drink on previous first dates and none of them has been that great Am unsure if tipsy is acceptable??

whoyouare · 10/04/2012 21:51

Oh cool! Thanks will do :)

AndLibbyMakesThree · 10/04/2012 21:55

Hi, I'm another newbie - I've been doing internet dating for a while and it would be great to share my experiences with other people doing the same. No one I know in RL is doing it so I sometimes feel a bit alone.

As for kissing on a first date - I did it once when I was much younger (I've had a few attempts at internet dating over the years) but can't imagine doing it now, though that's partly because I don't seem to fancy most of the men I meet. It's been ages since I felt that 'spark' but maybe I'm just being unrealistic.

Original poster
hatesponge · 10/04/2012 21:57

I think it's acceptable to have a couple of drinks, I certainly wouldn't limit myself to one. My dates have always been driving (I don't drive so get a bus/walk!) so I wouldn't get tipsy...very very slightly merry perhaps Grin

As to kissing, if you fancy them why not? Obvs if you don't fancy them dodging the kiss can be awkward!

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AndLibbyMakesThree · 10/04/2012 21:59

MissKeith - I think tipsy is ok (though it usually makes me think I like the man more than I do when I'm sober!) But I'd advise against getting too drunk on a first date - I only did it once, and obviously my judgement was a bit off and I thought the man I was meeting really liked me, and I was happily anticipating our next date. So when he made it clear at the end of the evening that there wouldn't be another date, I was gutted - and, in my drunken emotional state, started crying and got the train home in the wrong direction. Not an experience to be repeated.

Original poster
hatesponge · 10/04/2012 21:59

I did fancy Barbour man but we didn't kiss at the end of our first date (mainly because he had shown no sign at all of fancying me....). If date no 2 actually happens there had better be some kissing and more.

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notsurewhyohwhy · 10/04/2012 22:01

i think tipsy on a date is good, i always seem to go to bars.

but have also got drunk on dats and thats not such a good idea Wink

notsurewhyohwhy · 10/04/2012 22:02

hates - well i hope the next date goes well, what do you mean if it actually happens? why wouldnt it?

JamamasPyjamas · 10/04/2012 22:03

I've never posted before in this but am in need of some motivating talk after a few months of internet dating. Basically, the people I've met have been nice but no spark on my part. The one person who I liked, and felt I really clicked with, seemed to like me and then has just totally ignored me. maybe this is the way that things work online, but it's made me feel rubbish. I can now see that he is back chatting to people and the whole thing was a bit of a downer.
Ladies, do I need to have a thicker skin. I'm on the verge of giving up with this online malarky, tell me things will get better or shall I just accept that this is it !

itstooearly · 10/04/2012 22:09

Hi, can I join in to, would like a little advice from the experts:). I've been separated from my stbxh for nearly a year now and feel like I need to get a little bit of me back and maybe start dating again, we had been together for 26 years so this dating thing is all new to me, had been lurking on here and decided to join pof on Friday. I had a number of replys and have been having a little chit chat with one particular guy, nothing to heavy, just very casual how are you, why are you on here kind of stuff, he now wants to meet for coffee at the weekend and I don't know whether to go or not, since asking me in a message all his subsequent messages have been asking for a time/date etc. not the day to day chatting that had been going on, I think I am getting cold feet about it and wondered what you think?

whoyouare · 10/04/2012 22:10

That made me giggle AndLibby
Im with you Jamamas Iv been on a site and I cant ever seem to fancy these guys. One guy I did but he didnt and yes its horrible seeing them back on the site chatting again.

notsurewhyohwhy · 10/04/2012 22:12

itstoo - i think you should go, even if you go and dont like him it might make your next date seem less scary??

Original poster
hatesponge · 10/04/2012 22:13

notsure there is a bit of history with Mr Barbour and I - the abridged version, we went on a date ages ago (Feb I think), I didn't think he fancied me (see above - no kiss etc). He text me as soon as he got home & for the next few hrs, asked to see me again, kept texting, and texting, but was too busy for a 2nd date. And so the pattern has continued, he always wants to see me but is never around Hmm He has now started texting more suggestive stuff - I told him he was all talk, and did he want to see me again or not. He says he does, but the proof of the pudding and all that. Til we're actually in each other's company I am not taking it for granted it will happen.

That's how cynical you become!

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MissKeithLemon · 10/04/2012 22:19

Grin AndLibby - thats what I'm afraid of... once I've had one my judgement goes out the window gets clouded and I don't know when enough is enough usually! But, when I've had previous dates and stuck to my one drink only rule I've thought later than converstaion might flow better with a little less inhibitions and more wine

Original poster
hatesponge · 10/04/2012 22:21

jamamas trust me, we ALL feel like that from time to time. I posted on another thread on here tonight (where I've probably offended all the happily loved-up met online-rs) where I basically said that there are very few decent guys online and most of the ones who are, know that they are iyswim. There are fewer scruples I think than if you meet someone in a pub or something, and you do get jaded with it all. But you do also develop a thicker skin. The main thing to remember is that if you get a series of duds, or ones who cancel, or ones who are just not v nice, that it is THEIR problem, not yours. Don't ever feel that you're failing, or that you've done something wrong. Because 99 times out of a hundred the fault will be with them - the other one time will only be there was a sign in their messages they were a loser/total prat/etc that you didnt spot.

honestly we regulars on the thread are all gorgeous, intelligent, lively, fun, very modest Grin women. And some of us me in particular rarely get even a second date however well the first one goes, so don't be disheartened.

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