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Relationships

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Time wasters need not apply, Soul Soothers come hither Dating Chat Part 11

999 replies

hatesponge · 10/04/2012 21:22

Ta-da! Think this is the first one I've started.

I am still feeling somewhat feisty. Told my team off at work for being too noisy Blush and was generally stroppy. Might have to go and start a row in AIBU or something!

So, dating, as you were etc Grin

Not forgetting of course that I have a second date at the weekend!

OP posts:
itstooearly · 10/04/2012 22:24

notsure Thanks, I know I should probably go, its so far out of my comfort zone, but like you say if I go it wont be so scary next time.

lovesineffable · 10/04/2012 22:25

Itstoo have you seen photo's and do you like the look of him?

itstooearly · 10/04/2012 22:36

Yes I have seen a couple of photos and he does look rather nice, he also has a couple of kids similar ages to mine and is divorced after a twenty year marriage so doesn't seem like he will be the twatty type, but you never can tell can you?
I think I am probably being silly and will go , i am talking to him now and he is asking which one of my pics I look like now,one was taken a year ago when I had long blonde hair and the other last week when its short and brown haha.

MissKeithLemon · 10/04/2012 22:46

I don't bother with too much chatting before hand now! Its all invested energy and I can't be arsed until I know if we'll get on. Spent too much time taking my time previously iyswim? Now I check the basics of my requirements & just arrange to meet Grin

MissKeithLemon · 10/04/2012 22:49

itstoo it can be so nervewracking but once you do it once or twice you will be fine. Go for it!

itstooearly · 10/04/2012 22:51

Thats probably the best way, the thing is though I have never done this dating thing before, met stbxh when I was 14 and had been with him ever since and I'm 40 now,I don't want to be alone for the next 40 Years but haven't really got a clue how to play this.

LittleHouseofCamelias · 10/04/2012 22:53

Just dropping in to wish you all well.
I met my Very Nice Man on POF at the start of the first dating thread and am amazed we have been going out for 7 months already.
Despite the horrors there are some good ones out there. Keep the faith!

MsCellophane · 10/04/2012 22:53

Just marking my place on the new shiny thread

Welcome new people

Kissing, I like kissing - if I fancy the person absolutely

I prefer daytime dates as they can be shorter if you want to get out and sober coffee is my preferred date. Proper chat and no beer goggles

Watch - there's got to be one good one in your five

itstoo - I would go, make it a quick coffee. A lot of us have met some nice people, no one who floats our boats much but it's nice to practice talking to new people

My update - still seeing hotbutdim but still no relationship feelings on my part (or on his) A true fwb situation and I'm happy with that

Haven't been on any dates for over a month

Met up with someone today and physically my type, not terribly handsome but not ugly. Lots in common and he has been texting all afternoon. There was a little flutter but nothing that made me go WOW but he could be a grower, so will happily go on another date to see. Also waiting on a trolley dolly to be in the country long enough to have a date and my 27 year old got back in contact but I think he is too young so won't go there again ( I don't think)

MyLittleMiracle · 10/04/2012 22:53

Decided against seeing the 18year old. Too young and inexperienced for me. LOL. but have spoken to my new friend. So we aren't dating but he is nice, we have a good laugh, and makes me feel good. I needed some male company.

TimeForMeAndDD · 10/04/2012 23:08

Marking my spot!

I'm loving your positivity and assertiveness sponge, keep it up for a while and see if you notice any changes, in either yourself or how people react/respond to you. You can't beat change Smile

adams that sounds like a good plan! Smile

watch there just has to be a good one amongst that lot! Fingers crossed!

Kissing on a first date. Absolutely! If the date is fanciable and kissable I would be up for it. I love a good snog. Not had one in years!

Getting tipsy on a date. One glass of wine and I'm gone anyway, which then makes me want to snog, so personally alcohol on a first date isn't a good thing for me, it does something to my lips, gives them a mind of their own, which can be dangerous if out with a non snoggable bloke. But, if you can handle your drink and remain upright compos mentis then I don't see why not.

Hello to all the newbies Smile

somedayillbesaturdaynite · 10/04/2012 23:09

which sites do you guys rate? i have been on smooch and badoo but no others tbh and getting bored ;)

Seasidegirly · 10/04/2012 23:42

Yay to the new thread. Always love what the new title will be. Ive had mostly drinks dates and they've always turned out okay. Getting past the 2nd date is the hardest. They all assume you are ready for a jump by then. Welcome newbies and regulars.

notsurewhyohwhy · 10/04/2012 23:44

hates - thats terrible, he sounds annoying, if it was me i would wonder if he is married? but i think everyone is married Grin

notsurewhyohwhy · 10/04/2012 23:47

just wondering if like seasidegirly says, do you find people expect something at certain stages?

as i dont know if i really fancy the guy i went out with last night yet... but we have said we will meet up again, and as he already tried to iiss me even tho i had only spent about an hour with him, i'm wondering what he mught expect on the second date??

TimeForMeAndDD · 10/04/2012 23:58

notsure what he expects and what he gets are two entirely different things Wink

notsurewhyohwhy · 11/04/2012 00:02

this is very true and even after a few drinks i need to remember this...

TimeForMeAndDD · 11/04/2012 00:07

Definitely! Smile

hatesponge · 11/04/2012 00:20

Time this is mostly how I am at work...I thought it can't do any harm to use a bit of my professional assertiveness in my personal life. We'll see, not sure Barbour man will last too long with the new me!

Notsure He's not married though he is a bit irritating Grin. He does genuinely have a really busy life, senior management job a good 1.5 hr commute from home each way, he has 50/50 care of his DC, he is devoted to a particular sport & plays 3 times a week...but I'm not waiting another 2 months for date 3 (assuming we get to date 2) he will have to find time for me somehow!

OP posts:
MyLittleMiracle · 11/04/2012 08:31

I miss my best friend. Decided a toy boy is NOT a good idea..... For me personally. Feel lonely this morning, but have plenty to do, so will soon pass, I miss waking up next to someone.

watchoutforthatsnail · 11/04/2012 08:41

sponge - have to say, i am loving your new fiesty attitude, i want to high five you :) be like it more often, it really suits you :) :)
really pleased you have set in your head what your happy to accept with mr barbour, sex is clearly on the cards, so fine and you know that if he doesnt call you feel ok with that, but that if he wants a 3rd date he needs to step up his game. THIS - see, this is why we are good at dating, we are all now very very good at working out what we want, and the parameters for that.. not like some other threads you read where people go ' oh give him a chance, you are mean.. its things like that that make women think their needs arent important, and how shitty relationships start, so pleased for you :)

hi to all the new girls :)

chicken - i prefer day time dates, because if you dont like them ( which is more likely than liking them) you can get out quicker. You also dont have to go to any hastle getting dressed up and its cheaper. Nighttime dates are better for a second date... the only exception, for me, anyway, is if i can tell we will have a fab night, and its a go out, get trashed, probably have sex, wake up with a kebab next to your bed and your clothes all over the place night.

jammas - yeah, we all feel like that, just jump back in, you arent going to find anyone sitting in on your own :)

misskeith - two dates!!! woohoo. and yes, kissing is fine, why wouldnt it be ;) provided of course than you want to kiss them... the important thing with kissing/ shagging/ whatever is to do it if you want to... but only if you are ok with it if they dont call you after. if you are going to regret it, or feel bad, dont do it. If you want to, at that momment in time, go for it..

adams - that sounds like a really good plan :) i like that plan.

mrsc - wow, a true fwb situation, so hard to come by :) pleased its working out.

my 5 dates have dwindled over night. typically. i shall number them, no point giving them names...

1 - musician, this afternoon, 41 years old. still on.
2 - this evenings date, cancelled when he asked for ' sex pics' knobber.
3 - 35year old, seems nice, him of the squares reply, lots of banter, should be fun, turns out he used to live in my house!! ( he doesnt know this )

4 - hipster 36 year old. asked me out to the dirty pub in which i had a jagermeister filled night. I was going to go, but then he mentioned hes out drinking most nights of the week, and hes part of the hipster in crowd in my town. While i know i would have a fab night, and hes totally my type looks wise, i dont want to date him... practially it wouldnt work ( 3 cheers for knowing what you want) so i shall have to cancel

5 - 34 year old BLONDE man, who has actually CALLED me on the telephone and we are doing ' something' next weekend.

have now hidden my profile because im talking to a few others as well, and have pretty much run out for free time for the next month.

i did eventually reply to the buddist, who replied back quite quickly. Excitingly, and if you cant note the scarasm there.... we are talking about crabs. actual crabs, you know, with pincers. Im not going to reply for a few days... Highly strange post date behaviour, but whatever, he had his chance, ive moved on.

watchoutforthatsnail · 11/04/2012 08:51

mkm - no, its a good thing you have worked out what you dont want. actually thats a fantastic thing. Online dating is very very good at helping you work out what you do and dont want. Its a really positive step and it means when you do eventually get into a relationship, it will be one filled with the things you DO want, as opposed to just being wit someone becuase they came along. This is a GOOD thing.

We all get a bit lonely somethimes and you know i had 2 dire days this weekend just gone ( a thankfully rare occurance) but just get back out there.. and dont make dating your sole priority.

Snapespeare · 11/04/2012 09:06

waves at all the lovely new folk & marks her spot. :)

I've won theatre tickets and a night in a posh hotel! tell me i am not going to have to take one of the children! 'm going to book it as far in advance as possible on the off chance I actually meet someone i want to ruin egyptian cotton sheets with...

TimeForMeAndDD · 11/04/2012 09:22

Well done Snape Grin You are on a winning streak at the moment. I need to know your secret!!

That all sounds good watch, you seem to have a decent selection there, hopefully there will be a keeper amongst them! Can't wait for the updates.

PostBellumBugsy · 11/04/2012 10:28

Hello & welcome new dating MNers.

Snape - so impressed with all your winnings!

Watch - hopefully one of that lot might be at the very least a good date. Have you seen the musician before? When are you meeting the bantering 35 year old?

Someone asked about dating websites. I'm on Match.com - which I don't rate at all. Expensive, slow & doesn't let you see pics up front. I'm also trying DatingDirect for a month, which I prefer so far. I did a month on Zoosk & quite liked it, lots of traffic & quite chatty. I'm a bit ancient though & prefer the sites where everyone has to pay & where you get less offers of knob shots! I did all the knob shot stuff on Udate 8 years ago!!! I did like Udate alot though - shame its gone.

Have date tonight - I may have mentioned that before! Wink. Looking forward to it. Seems relatively normal & is tall & looks ok - as long as his photos aren't a decade old!!!!

Milkandlotsofwineplease · 11/04/2012 10:29

Hey all,

Sorry I haven't been on for a while. My laptop has been broken (life almost over) and I can't get internet on my phone (Luddite)

Things seem to be looking up for most of us. This pleases meGrin

Hate I love your new, feisty, ass kicking persona. It suits you very much, you should definitely keep it. Can't wait to hear all about how your date goes at the weekend. Oh. and I totally agree with you about night time dates involving alcohol. Much less nerve wracking, and at least if you don't like them much you can get drunk, and block it out Wink

Well, I still haven't gotten over my humiliation of asking the bar manager guy out weekend before last. I keep obsessively stalking glancing at his FB page, and wondering what the hell I was thinking? He is sooooooo out of my league. Also, how the hell do I go back in there? It's my fave bar, and the thought of never having one of their Chocolate Milkshakes again makes me very sad. Advice greatly appreciated as to the approach I should take.

On the plus side I may have a date on Friday night with a guy from OK Cupid. He's not strictly my usual type, but he's a cameraman which is pretty cool. Concerned he might be slightly short (he claims to be 5, 9 so is probably about 2 inches shorter) I am going to keep an open mind though, and go along and see what happens. He has a nice face, and appears not to be a total fuckwit, so you never know.

Also found a guy on OK Cupid last night that is so much my type it is almost funny. He is ravishing, red haired (I adore gingers) and is sitting on a beautiful horse in his profile pic. I messaged him, and he replied saying he was on a train in Poland, with terrible wifi, but thank you for the nice message. He promised to mail me properly when he get's back to London (fingers crossed) He's GORGEOUS. I think I may have fallen in love with a photo on the internet. It will be serial killers on death row next!