Time wasters need not apply, Soul Soothers come hither Dating Chat Part 11

[hatesponge]

Ta-da! Think this is the first one I've started.

I am still feeling somewhat feisty. Told my team off at work for being too noisy and was generally stroppy. Might have to go and start a row in AIBU or something!

So, dating, as you were etc

Not forgetting of course that I have a second date at the weekend!

You know, one thing I've never done with this whole internet dating lark is message guys myself. Guess I'm scared of sending off 20 messages only to get no replies

Maybe I should bite the bullet and be a little more pro-active? I only ever seem to get short arses or losers messaging me.

Chicken, I asked the very same thing a couple of weeks ago. I tend to be very passive & wait to see who approaches me. After some very clear advice from the wise posters here, who said I should be making my own choices, I made a few approaches - I sent winks and the guy I am seeing tonight is one of the ones I winked at first!

Am lolling at everyone liking feisty me I have no idea how long it will last, but will try and keep it going. It is making me feel more positive and (though I desperately loathe this word) empowered. Long may it continue!

Watch you're right about knowing what we want, that's so important. I was reading a few threads on here last night and I literally wanted to give some of the OPs a shake and say please don't settle for so little, you really deserve more. Men who are regularly abusive, ones who get nasty after a few drinks, ones that have moved out (and are clearly shagging around) yet in every case the general feeling was oh lets work on it. Honestly, what's to work on? I ended up too annoyed even to post!

Further evidence of my slightly devil may care attitude, Barbour and I were texting late last night, then I sent one and didn't get a reply. Thought whatever, didn't stress over it, his loss. An hour or so later I went to bed and realised my text hadn't sent! I haven't bothered resending it yet :)

I think you should find a decent one out of those dates Watch in fact I have a feeling at least one of them will lead to the offer of a second date.

Post good luck with tonight's date, hope it goes well!

Milk just bite the bullet and go back to the bar, with your friends, looking glam and without a care in the world, head held high. You have nothing to feel bad about, you very bravely took a chance and it didn't pay off. There is no such thing as being out of anyone's league anyway Good luck with the ginger, I also love a man with red hair (my Chemistry man from a few weeks ago was gloriously ginger, shame no more came of that but he did have a hairy back which I would have had to wax)

Chicken and Post You should definitely be pro-active and message guys who catch your eye. The day is too short to be waiting around for them to make the first move. Sometimes they don't answer, but I would say more than half of mine do. Both the cute guys I emailed last night replied. It's a numbers game after all, and the more people you contact, the more likely you are to get replies.

I used to sit back and wait for the men to contact me, and just used to get guys I wasn't attracted to messaging me. It's much better to just get out there and take the initiative.

Don't listen to the people who say the man should always do the asking. My flatmate is seeing a lovely guy who she asked out (in real life). He says he would never have dared make the first move. Not because he didn't fancy her, but because he thought she was too pretty for him!

Has anyone ever messaged a bloke and got a "eww no thanks!" style reply?

Hate If this devil may care attitude continues at this rate, I confidently predict you will be the mistress of the Universe by this time next Wednesday

Mr Barbour is probably now all sad because he thinks you don't love him. All good stuff.

Oh, and seconded on the good wishes for tonight Post Do hurry back asap to let us know how it went.

I'm glad to see you are a fellow ginger lover Hate. There is just something so sexy about the red haired, pale skinned, blue eyed combo. I think I'm basically just trying to find someone who looks as much like my sometime FWB as possible because I lurve him so much (swoons sadly). I will be going some though considering he is the most beautiful thing I have ever laid my peepers on.

Yes, back to bar, head held high is the only way forward. Would a cocktail dress be considered overdoing it at 2pm on a Wednesday afternoon? Maybe he will realise what he is missing, and fall at my feet? (fat chance)

Can I join too? Have been sexting this guy; it's got quite hot and intense and we want to meet up. I think he's dicking me around a bit as after a week and a half he STILL won't give me a time for a date (or hook up). He was online the other night but not chatting to me so he is obviously chatting up other girls but I guess I am keeping my options open too.

He says he can't commit to a serious relationship as he is so busy but it might change if he meets the right girl. I basically am so frustrated as I really could do with some decent sex and the sexting has got me over excited! I would be happy with a hook up but I think he's just teasing me. I have never sexted before but it just started and I found I enjoyed it. It's quite full on though.

Ball's in his court so to speak!

Chicken No, never. Sometimes people don't reply but so what? You can't be every-bodies type can you?

Plus anybody who actually did send a message like that would be a grade A wanker anyway, so I would just laugh at them in a pitying fashion.

tramp Sounds to me like he just wants to get off on the dirty texts, but hasn't got the balls to carry it through into RL. I would be moving onto the next one if I were you. You shouldn't have to be begging some guy for a date/shag.

I honestly think that even if you are both just looking for sex, that it is still important that they treat you with respect. Somebody who is sending explicit messages, and dicking around will probably turn out to be somebody you can't stand the sight of face to face.

I still want a guy to be polite, and act like a gentleman, even if I am just looking for a fun fling. But I am a bit old fashioned like that. Others are free to differ/disagree.

At least my male friend is still messaging me. I know my 18 year old would stay the night but I don't see it being a relationship. I have gone into town just to get out. had a little cry wobble this morning. I don't need a man but miss having one.

Oh Hate, you & Barbour Boy again! With this feisty new attitude, you'll knock his socks / Barbour off. Was it a Barbour International or one of the old traditional waxed Barbours?

Thanks for good wishes for tonight Milk. I was well impressed with your barman bravery & don't think you should let it stop you going back in there. Can you imagine if that kind of thing stopped a bloke - they'd never be able to go out!!!!

Tramp, the sexting thing is often better than the real thing. I generally found that when you met the male at the end of the hot, steamy sexts they were a disappointment. I can't do it any more. I have to meet dates quickly before a false persona gets built up through emails & texts. I need to know what they are like in the flesh to see if there is any chemistry there at all. IMO, there is nothing worse than meeting up with someone you have exchanged intimate sexual fantasies with only to find you don't fancy them at all.

You are quite right Milk. I am not going to contact him again unless he contacts me first. And if he dosn't make a date it's heave ho. I have been chatting to a sweet guy in a big city near me but neither of us have cars and he hates the bus!

Another thing that has annoyed me is that mr sexting guy told me off (jokingly) for chasing cock online the other night. I just said "well you are chasing pussy aren't you?". To which I got no reply!

Tramp That is just very 'Yuck'. I don't think I would want to see him again purely on the fact he has no imagination with his sexting.

Yes Post I just need to go back don't I? I'm craving one of their amazing Chocolate Milkshakes that much I'm almost dreaming about them. Perhaps I should just go up to the bar, and if he's serving and asks if I want a drink, I will just reply 'Maybe', followed by a 'We'll see'

Milk my Chemistry man was rather gorgeous apart from the back hair!. I like them freckly but not too pale :) DS1 is a redhead, which is probably part of the reason for my pro-ginger bias although unusually he has brown eyes and quite a dark skin tone.

Top he sounds like a bit of a serial texter. Some of these guys just want a conversation rather than a date, agree you should leave the ball in his court. Regardless of that he sounds like hard work though - doesn't drive but doesn't like the bus? How does he normally get around, sedan chair? He's probably like my friend's ex, who only went out with girls who could drive (he couldnt) so they could take him to places...! Trust me there is better out there, keep looking!

Post Barbour has one of the quilted ones. I suspect he wears it for reason of fashion rather than practicality. He does have a horse though more money than sense

hatesponge; non driver is different from serial texter. thay are both hard work!

Hahaha, that Sedan Chair comment made me lol so much hate 'Foorsooth, what are these modern contraptions? I am verrily confused'

Mr Barbour has a horse? wow, he could be my ideal man. I so want somebody to share my horsie passion. My ex used to look at my pony no doubt thinking he would look better in a tin of dog food.

But seriously tramp I would be wary. Next thing will be him expecting you to do all the travelling. Be very wary of anyone who exhibits such odd tendencies when they really should be going all out to impress you.

Snorting at the sedan chair point - you really are on form Hate! Agree, quilted Barbour is definitely fashion rather than practicality. Does he have a whole horse, or just a leg of a racehorse? Is he a huntin' shootin' fishin' type?

post and chicken - yes, you should absolutley email men, dont just wait for what comes you way. This is as much about as what you want, as it is what they want.
Post - have a fab date, let us know how it goes.

chicken, ive never had anyone reply like that... usually if they arent interested yoiu dont get a reply, equally, i dont bother replying to those im not interested in. Occassionaly ive had a ' thanks for your email, but i dont think we would be a good match' but whatever... its fine.

sponge - thats awesome you did that with the texts... have you heard from him today?

milk - just go back in there and pretend it never happened. dont overdress, no comments, just back to normal. and do it soon, the longer you leave these things the worse it gets.

top tramp NO!!!! that is grim. Sexting, or something casual is fine, if thats what you want, but he should still treat you with respect. You are not a free text wank service. I expect hes talking to lots of women if hes reluctant to set a date, dont lower yourself to beg for one, leave it and move on.

Im not expecting a second date from any of them... its too ellusive, and theres nothing to say i would want one ( forgot i have had a FEW second dates and a few ive been offered but turned down)

im really looking forward to tomorrows though, we have been texting this morning and hes had me in stitches :)

Oo can I join please?! I'm not dating but I just love hearing people's dating stories (nosey emoticon!). I met my boyf 3 months ago on pof having only spoken on there and in texts for 5 days. We met at 7pm both had a couple so were relaxed but not pissed (I'm a giggling twat when drunk) and at 9.30pm we had our first kiss which was so unlike me coz I NEVER normally kiss on the first date but it was just so natural so I def don't think first date kissing should be written off. Now a few months in and DESPERATE to say the three magic words but I want him to say the first .

So in a word, I totally rate pof. But having said that, my friend met a guy from there last night who told her "you look just like my ex". Needless to say she had an urgent family crisis and just had to leave.

Lol, the sedan chair is something my (very funny and much missed) dad used to say, I get all my best lines from him :)

Barbour's horse is actually his DC's, so probs more of a pony I think. He's not that outdoorsy ( drives a 6 series BMW rather than a Range Rover) I think he's just quite annoyingly well off. He hasn't text me today but he never does from work, he's far too busy being important chairing multi-party conference calls & the suchlike.... I might text him tonight if I remember :)

I'm actually really excited to hear how other people's dates go this week!

nosey twat

I'll have my own story to tell Friday night. Getting a bit nervous now, don't know what to wear or anything.

Oh, can we have a what are we wearing bit?

I'm debating between smart jeans & smart boots or skirt with suede boots? I'm a bit Nigella/Kirsty - although slimmer than either of them, and always have a "does my bum look big in this" worry when I wear jeans. But then I wonder if a skirt looks over-dressed?!!!! We're meeting in a smartish bar in my local town in commuter belt SE England - if that helps with suggestions!

I think skirt and suede boots sounds nice post. I really don't think you will look overdressed. I always wear a skirt, or a dress. I can't remember the last time anyone saw me in jeans or trousers.

Basically wear what you feel happiest in. If you think you look good it comes across in your manner. There is nothing worse than putting something on you aren't sure about, and spending the rest of the night regretting it.

oh and yes hate definitely a pony. Not that there's anything wrong with that (I wouldn't swap my lovely little new forest pony for the world) But I suspect he won't do much riding on it, unless it is VERY sturdy