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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Welcome to the Turning Tavern

999 replies

Gay40 · 09/04/2012 21:32

This is a thread for women who unexpectedly (or not) find themselves attracted to another woman.

OP posts:
pollyblue · 09/04/2012 21:33

signing in! Grin

Original poster
Gay40 · 09/04/2012 21:34

Welcome, welcome

OP posts:
Loveisthemessage · 09/04/2012 21:37

Evening folks...checking into the Turning Tavern.
Flap-jack anyone?
From now on, I promise to behave. Grin

TooManyOddSocks · 09/04/2012 21:40

Love the name Grin

pollyblue · 09/04/2012 21:41

flapjack, arf Grin

Please don't start behaving Loveis, that'll never do.

Crushinghard · 09/04/2012 21:41

Hi everyone! Plenty of space here to obsess!

Original poster
Gay40 · 09/04/2012 23:16

I suspect this thread will be watched by more people than the regular participants.

OP posts:
likeatonneofbricks · 09/04/2012 23:21

G40 (and others who want to) I hope you 'll still reply to my last comment on that thread while it's warming up on here. separation anxiety today!

ChickenSkin · 09/04/2012 23:27
NimpyWindowmash · 09/04/2012 23:27

Evening all, I think I might join you

MrsDmitriTippensKrushnic · 10/04/2012 00:08

Going to be brave and pull up a stool here too - it's not unexpected when I like other women, I'm just finding it unexpected how, the older I get, the more I regret not exploring that side of things when I was younger (met DH when I was very young).

ChickenSkin · 10/04/2012 00:14

I'm considering exploring it before I get tied down with another bloke. Think I'd be scared to actually go through with it though when it comes down to it!

likeatonneofbricks · 10/04/2012 00:17

Chicken, do you have opportunities/offers?

MrsDmitriTippensKrushnic · 10/04/2012 00:19

Fear of the unknown - the actual physical 'what the fuck do I do?', or fear of the ramifications of actually doing it, how other people would react?

Crushinghard · 10/04/2012 00:20

MrsDmitri me too. Am married now but really wishing I could explore that aspect.

ChickenSkin · 10/04/2012 00:23

No tonofbricks, people assume I'm 100% straight. I'd have to do the online dating thing again but with women as the target!

MrsD, I'm not sure what it is, I suppose I'm frightened that it gets to a crucial point and I realise I can't do it then make myself look a twat. See I'm not absolutely certain that I am bi and I fear if I try and push it, I'll realise I'm not!

MrsDmitriTippensKrushnic · 10/04/2012 00:29

I'm trying to figure out if I'm not tempted by other men because I have DH (not that I don't look but have no urge to touch iyswim) but feel so angsty about other women because it's something I just can't have at all.

MrsDmitriTippensKrushnic · 10/04/2012 00:40

Chickenskin - maybe you need to lead up to it gently? Read some f/f erotica and see how you feel, or go to a gay club night and see how other women dancing/kissing/holding hands makes you feel? IDK, I think if I was single again I'd want to observe and then take it all one step at time.

NimpyWindowmash · 10/04/2012 08:36

I also met DH when very young which was quite a convenient escape from the possibility of being bisexual. I didn't think about it for years but it has come up as an issue more as I've got older.

IsitJustAFantasy · 10/04/2012 09:00

Chicken I'm with you. I fantasise about other women and am turned on by seeing women together but am not sure whether it's just that - a fantasy. Sometimes I test myself - I look at an attractive woman standing in front of me or talking to me and imagine her coming on to me but when it's there in reality the idea leaves me cold. But talking about it now is turning me on :o

catseverywhere · 10/04/2012 09:06

Hi everyone, have followed Likea's previous threads and commented briefly once I think, but this time last year I was where some of you are now. Had been divorced just over a year after a 23 year marriage and was having major feelings for a woman I had been working with.

For some reason I wasn't concerned about these feelings - I was more concerned about how I was going to keep in touch with her after I had finished working with her. I suppose I just focussed on being friends with her - she had been married twice to men and it never occurred to me she might be interested in me - and over a little time we became more than friends and will be having a civil ceremony in September.

Aspects of our situation have been very very difficult - we both have families, 7 children between us, mostly grown-up, and various members of both families have struggled, some have flatly refused to have anything to do with us, which hurts like hell, but I can honestly say I have never felt like this about anyone else. Sometimes that makes me wonder if I have always been gay and have just never realised, but then again I truly loved my husband (still do in a way, just not that way anymore) and for many years we were very happy. I suppose I don't wonder too much about the past, the present is amazing and the future looks full of promise and love.

I wish all the best to anyone going through all this :)

Fridgemagnet · 10/04/2012 11:00

Hi there folks. I'm not surprised that women find other women attractive, I'm currently in a relationship with another woman (who was "very straight" until she met me and was married). I was with men in my teens, 20's and by the time I was 31 I was experimenting with women (a few 2 night stands, sex with apparently straight women and a longish relationship)...but I hadn't made that decision, it just kind of happened naturally and I don't ID as gay or even bi...I am the same person and I don't feel any different so why stick a label on it. You can't really plan these things.

If you are fantasising about women, that's one thing, but meeting someone you fancy and acting on it...without going looking for it, is another. I imagine this could be quite frustrating, especially if you don't live in a big city and have no freedom to explore this side of you. I have been going to GAY pride every year since I was 20......and I would recommend this as a great place to see and experience the full spectrum of opportunities out there. Should be one in London and one in Brighton in the summer.

Those thinking about it, if and when you meet someone...you don't have to worry about anything because it's the same as being really into a man...it will flow naturally if you have chemistry and a connection. Life is really too short to worry about what other people think....you will never please other people with your decisions, who are you trying to please anyway?

HepHep · 10/04/2012 11:14

Heyup, signing it. Love the thread name! Grin

pollyblue · 10/04/2012 12:42

I'm thrilled (for purely selfish reasons) to hear that so many 'definitely not gay!' women have ended up in relationships with women.

Loveisthemessage · 10/04/2012 14:08

Good to see so many people arriving at the Turning Tavern.
Cats - interested to hear your story and that it has a happy ending. I think in general if two women are attracted to each other and click they can have an exceptionally strong connection and on the whole have a greater need for that bond than men and to be understood, particularly emotionally. Women also seem to mature in a different way to men and become more confident in their 40s/50s. Men on the other hand don't always feel the need to explore their feelings, don't look at themselves as closely so tend to get stuck in their ways. I never thought I'd forge such a strong bond with a woman but it has been an incredible (and continuing) experience and I'd recommend any of you bi-curiousities to give it a go!