Welcome to the Turning Tavern

[Gay40]

This is a thread for women who unexpectedly (or not) find themselves attracted to another woman.

Gay... my sincere apologies if I was the one who has offended you, it wasn't meant like that, what I was trying to establish was whether a lack of nurturing could be why people who seemed happy in a hetro relationship then find they are attracted to women. Not those who are definitely gay. Hope this has clarified my views. Sorry.

I'm offended by the notion, not the folk who put it forward. So no apologies necessary from anyone x

I think it is much more likely that some women have this expectation that they'll be swept away by a tidal wave of emotion by the man they marry....only to find reality isn't really that way and the emotional bond they form is with another woman, sometimes platonically and sometimes more.

Now, MrsG's account of her experience has changed over time so I'm not sure which version has the most validity. She does maintain that it was me who turned her but I don't think it was that at all. I think she just hadn't met anyone quite so at ease with themselves and their gayness. I think I just gave her the OK to express her gay side.

Okay, long rambly intro post...

Totally agree that people are born with hetro/homo sexuality a lot of the time. I reckon it can change over time and there seems to be research that backs this up. Of course, you could always argue that those who experience a change in direction sexuality-wise once they are adults had latent urges in that direction before that they had suppressed. It doesn't matter much to me - I'm all over the place sexuality-wise so I can hardly be a stickler about it . But I do see why people get pissed off at the idea that parenting can create/prevent gayness, it's such a loaded issue. Ditto 'choosing' to be gay.

I'm dating someone who is trans, and who is making the journey from being male to female. Up until now I'm considered myself straight and have only ever dated men. Being in love with a trans girl has really made me question my own sexuality and all these memories of intense, non-sexual crushes on women in my childhood and teens have come rushing back . As well as recalling how I was on the brink of coming out to my mum at 15, but then chickened out because she was so homophobic. Met my first boyfriend at 18 and all the girl crushes just went away so I thought that was that, and was relieved I had never come out to her. I've not actually fancied any of the men I was with, although I've been in love with a few of them which made me desire them intensely once I had fallen in love. I never fancied them from the outset, it tended to grow slowly.

Don't know what to make of it all because after all, the person I'm with currently is who I want to be with, and she will always have some male personality attributes even once she is fully physically female. So I don't know how I'd feel about being with someone who was (no disrespect to my partner at all) 'all women', for want of a better phrase. At the same time, I feel like I've had it with men. They just do NOT appeal anymore, I want nurturing, emotional love and soft skin and boobies, not blokeyness and the fact that they all seem to have this built in 'thinking with their cock' thing which can be activated at any time, no matter how nice the man. :(

I've been thinking about it a lot anyway, so am super grateful for this thread. Sites I've found interesting include Autostraddle, which has been eye-opening! :) I just bought this book which looks good. And I've started remembering that I had a long running fantasy where I would be loved and nurtured by a woman and it would 'accidentally' end up in bed. I took ages over the accidental bit. I never stopped to wonder why I didn't fantasize about men at all. I just assumed I didn't have sexual fantasies. Uh, no - I had this one that I'd repressed completely...

And I was also lurking on likea's thread

Um, yeah, that's me. I'm loving reading all of your stories.

Thank you for sharing your story, hephep x

Thanks Gay. Your second paragraph above I think is spot on:)

I think I am going to have to chicken out of seeing her tomorrow partly because I am scared and partly because I am looking forward to it to much. I seem to have completely forgotten today that I have a partner and a family and I shouldn't be thinking about and wanting another person male or female in this way so so gutted

2 days ago I had never met her and was happyish and hopefully I will forget about her very quickly yeah right and concentrate on my dp. I don't trust myself to stay faithful if (and it's a big if) the opportunity came up with the wiq.

I have just been so thrown and amazed by the intensity of my feelings and how sudden it has all happened.

We have been in contact all day, lightly flirting, joking and chatting. After each flirty comment (that she makes - the bed hair for example) she goes quiet for over an hour and then contacts me a different way, like through fb about a totally different subject so I am slightly confused.

I want her

sleepless - what is your DPs relationship like with her? Why did they split up?

Sleepless - your story is sounding very familiar. I had a similar start to my r-ship with my wiq. We started emailing then texting (progressively from a few a day to every 5 mins) then chatting on the phone, getting to know each other slowly and loving every bit of contact and banter. By the time we met up again I was so swept away by the bond we'd formed I didn't even think twice about whether it was wrong or weird. I wasn't unhappy in my marriage and I certainly wasn't looking for anything. I too was thrown by the intensity of my feelings but they were so strong and it all felt so right I didn't even question it as it felt so natural.It was only when my wiq withdrew because I was married that i realised I couldn't and didn't want to let her go. It has been the most amazing experience and she is far and away the love of my life.

Hephep - what an amazing story. Quite blown away. Love is the message!

Loveisthemessage it does sound very similar! Glad you had a happy ending

Dps relationship with her is none exsistant, he left her for me (I didn't know about her) and she hasnt seen or spoken to him since he never turned up for his dinner one day the day he met me I knew none of this and other than saying she has no hard feelings and believes that I knew nothing we haven't discussed him. Dp doesn't know I've been talking to her

How long have you and your DP been together?

Sorry for all the questions, I just noticed a post from Likea, wondering if she (your crush) might be out to make mischief.

I took it that sleepless didn;t like that sugggestion, that's why she didn't answer. But it IS a strange situation. Wasn't she hurt when he left her and just rudely did't turn up to dinner? I mean I hope she wasn't in love with him, them all fine.

theN all fine.

Likea I just remembered that sleepless did say she's been with DP for 2 years. If his ex wanted to cause trouble she would have done it by now?

But yes [suspicious old bag emoticon] I did wonder if mischief-making might be behind it.....but it's a strange way to go about it isn't it? His ex would have no idea that sleepless might fall for her. Far too much of a long shot.

HepHep I wish you loads of luck in your relationship. 2 of my very good friends are in the situation too, one is male to female trans and the other is a gay woman. They are such a lovely couple and have been together for nearly 20 years.

I hope I am allowed on this thread, I think it's brilliant. I have been gay for about 20 years but vividly remember the terrifying yet thrilling first moment when I admitted to myself that I had feelings for women. It actually took me some 3 years from that point to actually do anything about it. After a few flings I had a long term gf for 10 years, then had my DD with the help of a donor and then had a couple of years single before meeting my lovely DP on a gay dating site, love at first sight, literally, amazing, never felt so drawn to anyone in my life ever.

Lovely to be able to read your stories and I hope things work out for you, I know it is a scarey place to be even though it is exciting.

Trapped - it's kind of both her and myself being cool. I get tongue tied which is ridiculous (very rare with men) and I try hard to say something amusing, which puts pressure on me and usually backfires (i.e. just fall into stupid silence or say smth trivial) - though recently I improved as she gave me more confidence by being warmer. This is classic behaviour of men who fancy and admire a woman - I now understand how articulate men can come across odd and half baked to a woman (me including in the past)! I now sympathise! I do manage to say smth clever sometimes at least, now. I'm not especially cool as I do look at her quite openly (can't hide my admiting glances, though not over the top really), and I initiate chat (often, as i say , about nothing) - I actually may well come across as keen to her, but not neccesarily in a sexual way. She is cool at times, and warm at other times as i described, but the coolness is not rude, it's kind of detached while being near me as if she's thinking. Sometimes we go into mutual silence while hanging around together, even facing each other, as if we aer both waiting.. but then just go about our separate business, it must look odd to an observer! But when I say I identify with a lot that you said, it's not just that, it's all sorts you 've mentioned.

Hi Cherries, lovely to hear your story.

I don't think this sounds suspicious...it's far too calculated and she sounds like she genuinely had a connection with Sleepless...so much so, they are discussing bed hair do's

I've been with dp over 2 years now and we are engaged and have a child together.

I don't feel that she is out to cause trouble, I may be wrong but she made no effort at all to contact either of us - I sent her a friend request as it came up someone that I might know - not knowing she was his ex. I just don't get that vibe from her.

I suppose the initial messages might have been her wanting to say her piece but when we spoke on the phone we hardly mentioned him at all - and we talked for 3 hours.

She hasn't asked any nosy questions about him, nothing like that.

She dislikes him I think, I think she was in love with him at the time but has had a relationship since then and moved on.

I think you would have to be incredibly manipulative and warped to try and set someone up if that's what she's doing, I don't think she could give of fake vibes though?

The Turning Tavern welcomes everyone.

polly, I just don't know how suddenly they got in contact (sleepless and this ex). I don't mean that the ex planned to try her charms on the off chance - it might that when the contact happened, she sensed the attraction and THEN wanted to test her with possibility of enlightening the DP, but to be fair she doesn't sound like that sort of character. It's just and extrenely strange coincidence, and also she is being too keen, Trapped mentioned that would she be THAT obvious if she fancied ger really? all conspiracy theories of course.

I meant - how DID they suddenly got in contact.

sleep - it's clearer now, it was just a lack of info on who started the contact, and not knowing that she moved on with another r-ship. Yes, just a coincidence then.

sorry, dreadful number of errors in post before lst one!

sleepless I agree, you'd have to be a bloody good actress to give off vibes to someone you thought was straight. And you contacted her, two years she and your DP separated. So none of this has been instigated by her.

I think Likea and I can breathe easy. It sounds like she really has the hots for you. Do you like her at all? Only, you haven't said....wicked