Welcome to the Turning Tavern

[Gay40]

This is a thread for women who unexpectedly (or not) find themselves attracted to another woman.

Glad it's not just me then, I'd had this in my mind for years about the mother/nurturing etc. In fact come to think of it there's no woman in my family that I'm on an emotional level with, and I don't have any what I call day to day female friends, all friends are friends of us both.

I'd love some more views on this mn posters:)

I am amazed at the way some of you seem to have taken this in your stride, I'm impressed! I am upset and quite scared

I think I crave a deep connection with another woman - sometimes I have dreams about just cuddling another woman, nothing really sexual, just very intimate, and the dream is so lovely and warm, and I feel that I am sharing an amazing, uncomplicated, almost pure bond with someone, and I think, "this is what Heaven will be like", then I wake up, and it's RL again...!

Like I've said, I have wonderful times with dh, I LOVE his company and nearly everything about him, but I guess it's just that connection - that intuition almost, where I feel he should know me better, to cherish me more, to love all there is about me... all sounds terribly self-indulgent...

sleepless I have been aware of my sexuality since I realised I was bonkers for another woman when I was twenty. We actually had a mutual crush and slept together. After that I experimented with a couple of other women and went to gay clubs once or twice (far too 'hettie' and un-scene for all of that), while at the same time having hetero relationships, then met dh, who without a doubt was 'the one'.

This is the third (and strongest) big girl crush I've had since marrying. So I'm not all that surprised to be having these feelings. Realising I was 'bisexual' at 20 was a bit of a relief actually, because I could finally understand a little more who I was, and make sense of all my mad feelings!

To meet me though, you would never know! Apart from on a full moon

Yep, the mother thing applies to me too. Dh is the person who is closest to 'getting' me but there is a lack of emotional depth with him too.

Umm.. A few things on this thread make me feel a tad uncomfortable!
I don't think that anyone can be 'turned' gay - although I know a few women who didn't accept/realise until relatively late in life what their true sexuality was.
I'm not thrilled with the supposition that lesbianism is a by product of a poor maternal relationship either. And, finally, I'd like to point out that there certainly isn't an 'absence of penetration' in a large proportion of lesbian sex lives :)

of course not Teedee.

The maternal thing is a possible factor for the emotional craving you could have for intimacy with another woman, and I think we have all noted on this thread (or Likea's thread, can't be sure) that there is a sliding scale of sexuality, and no, people can't be 'turned' necessarily, more that it can lie latent for many years until a trigger occurs. For me it happened when I was 20, and every now and then it is triggered again!

Trapped - I have always gone to gay clubs purely because I prefer the atmosphere there are loads in my town centre.

I don't know if people can be turned, I do think though that it's been drilled into people since forever that men should be with women and anything else is 'abnormal' so individuals have subconsciously suppressed themselves.

I know a few gay couples, two lesbian couples have recently become parents band also one of my siblings is gay, he has the loveliest boyfriend ever and we are crossing our fingers for a civil service should be called wedding/marriage soon

That's great sleepless - I guess your fear stems more from discovering another side to yourself that could jeopardise your current set up then, rather than 'revulsion' at the thought that you could be bi/gay/let's not label anyone here!

Definitely not repulsed, the idea of kissing or doing more with a woman has never bothered me. But yes, more worried about how complicated it could be.

She has been posting on my Facebook all afternoon and texted, would you be so in touch with someone if you weren't attracted to them do you think? She has suggested 3 meetings already, with and without children

Sleepless- I think when you feel attraction as strongly as you did, that it generally goes both ways (so to speak!)

sleepless - unless I were secure in my feelings for the other person, I'd be scaaared!!! (But that's just me and my hang ups!) If MY wiq suddenly started doing it to me I'd be delighted, of course, (but scared too!), because I'm so far down the path now.

BUT... do you think though that if she fancied you she would make it this obvious?! I'd be interested in what others think, as I'm (you guessed it) very reserved, and tend to go ultra-cool when I like someone else (but inside I'm a very UNcool bundle of hot nerves and jibberish).

I'm not sure really I only met her yesterday for what was meant to be an hours play with the Dc but turned into 4 hours as we were talking so much, there was lots of joking and giggling, and she was a tactile person, I got a hug when I arrived and a hug when I left as well as a text a few minutes later saying I am so lovely and she was looking forward to doing it again.

Since then she has kept in contact a lot, and said that I am welcome round to hers anytime with the Dc, also mentioned going out just girls etc.

But, she also mentioned relationships with men (all negatively though)

It might have just been her personality and I am reading to much into it, also have the added complication of her being dps ex

Sleepless, is this the first time you've had such feelings?

Yep, never even crossed my mind before. It was very odd, to look at a photo you would think she was just a normal looking person but it's different in rl, I can't explain it very well but I have never been so drawn to someone, it's her friendliness, laugh, wittiness etc that makes her incredibly attractive.

If I had the same texts and conversations with a man as I am having right now I would swear he fancied me

"thank you for being you"

and and [reading far to much into everythibg]

Well, in that case why would you read 'too much into it' if there wasn't a real attraction there? Obviously something's going on. I guess you'll know sooner or later as you'll be meeting up again (I assume?)

She probably just thinks she is being nice, I don't know her well enough to know whether this is just how she is iyswim.

Not that it matters really as I could never act on it, one because I am in a relationship and two incase she was disgusted with me.

I am seeing her tomorrow, she is feeling unwell and I've offered to help her out (which is when I got the thank you message)

I am mad I should be running for the hills, I must be misinterpreting things

I realise I am posting loads sorry but we have been chatting and talking about men and I said that maybe she should join a convent cause at least there would be no men around and no need to bother with hair or make up..... And she said

I bet you would look stunning with no make up and bed hair

Seriously, would any of you say this to someone you weren't attracted to?

I replied that it would be my morning breath that she would have to worry about.

What a crap reply I am useless at this!

Oh my word, it looks like you have an answer then

Good God sleepless, here we are all waiting for the faintest snifter of a hopeful word from our wiqs, and you breeze in with a crush that's barely been in evidence for 24 hours, and already she's imagining what you'd look like in the sack!

Wow, she really does sound into you, sleepless. If my WIQ gave me those signals I'd be all over her.

She hasn't replied since my last message and i am being good and not texting again out of desperation.

I still half wish I'd never set eyes on her though. I am a bundle of nerves and also feel like i am cheating on dp although I haven't said anything rude or done anything.

It's like something from a magazine "my fiancée ran off with my ex" I will be on jeremy Kyle at this rate.

There's a tale I'd love to tell here but can't as I'd out myself to anyone who knows me it's probably not very interesting.