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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

scummy scummy man --I feel so low again and foolish

238 replies

comewwhinewithme · 01/04/2012 15:52

Ok so I'm not sure if anyone remembers my thread at the end of Jan? Dp went awol leaving me with 6dc and I was pg.
He turned back up with some story about loving me but not being in love and how he thought he was having a breakdown.
He didn't move back in but was here all the time and I supported him through his breakdown he would sit and cry and say sorry. He told the kids he was coming home he took money and food off me because he was skint.
He also swore he wanted me was still in love with me and I was the only person who stood by him. He said all his family had turned their back on him.
I fell for it all then I found a new facebook account he had set up and he is in a relationship with a girl he walks with.
Turns out he bought her the same chain he wanted to buy me for valentines day and he showed her a private letter regarding my pregnancy I had from the hospital.
He has also banned my dc from his sisters wedding so he can take her ;(.
The thing that really hurts though is his family they knew all along theiy have been out with her as have two of my oldest friends, what a kick in the teeth.
He is now lying about ever saying he was coming home and said he hasn't slept with me since he left, everyone thinks I'm some mad ex with a grudge and all condoning his actions.
Even his mum sat in my house Thursday and said she didn't know why he had gone.
Why couldn't one of them told me his mum has known me since I was 5 she said I was her third daughter.His sister has photos up of them stood together with their arms round each other
What the fuck did I do.

OP posts:
Original poster
comewwhinewithme · 01/04/2012 15:53

Sorry for any errors on a phone because laptop broke.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 01/04/2012 15:53
Sad
balia · 01/04/2012 15:56

Can't answer that, other than to say that family will pretty much always support family in this kind of situation.

However, I can say what you should do - which is never let the sorry sadsack excuse for a dog fucker back in the house. Focus on your kids and the future, and you will be fine.

solidgoldbrass · 01/04/2012 15:59

HOw grim, poor you. But at least you now know that this man is a complete dick and not to be trusted, so you won't have to waste any more time hoping for him to come back.

Original poster
comewwhinewithme · 01/04/2012 15:59

He will never get back in this house. He is ill at the moment so contact is starting the weekend after next.
I've told him he has to have all 6 overnight each Saturday.
He just wanted to take them out for a bit.

OP posts:
Original poster
comewwhinewithme · 01/04/2012 16:00

Goes to show why he was so eager for me to have a termination :(. I really regret it now I did from the day I had it. What an idiot.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 01/04/2012 16:05

Sorry it's ended up like this, I remember your thread

Please, please give this inadequate man no more chances

Original poster
comewwhinewithme · 01/04/2012 16:06

She's got a kid too. He has his own dc why does he want someone else's :(?

OP posts:
Lulumama · 01/04/2012 16:07

am really sorry you are going through this
he has behaved abysmally.
wishing you strength to get through this

Original poster
comewwhinewithme · 01/04/2012 16:10

AF.He has no way of contacting me unless he gets off his arse and puts credit on his phone.
I've deleted him off ds's blackberry messenger thing and have told him I will text him on Tuesday with a time that dc will ring him. He knows he has to stay away from the house now and I don't answer the phone if I don't know the number.
I fucking despise him.

OP posts:
MyNameIsntFUCKINGWarren · 01/04/2012 16:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
comewwhinewithme · 01/04/2012 16:12

I don't understand his need to make me look unhinged. He last slept with me last week and is saying it never happened.

OP posts:
Goawaybob · 01/04/2012 16:17

oh god, what a sad excuse for a human being - i bet he pays no fucking child support too. WAste of space. Just dont have anymore to do with him, why would you want to?

Original poster
comewwhinewithme · 01/04/2012 16:19

He has been giving me 50.00 each week but by 2 days before payday he is pleading poverty and has about 30.00 off me to tide him over.
I really did think he was coming home he was on AD's and everything and he initiated all the sex and hugs.

OP posts:
Teaandcakeplease · 01/04/2012 16:27

I'm sure these arseholes all read the same book. My ExH convinced me for 5 months the affair was over and was in fact still with her the whole time. Meanwhile I was trying to be a good wife and sort things out and get us back together.

He's taken advantage of your good nature. CSA for maintenance payments from now on I think comewwhinewithme?

I had to have counselling to help me work through everything in the end as he had gaslighted me so much. You must be feeling so confused, shell shocked and angry.

Teaandcakeplease · 01/04/2012 16:28

If you want a thread to read which is full of good advice, here is my original thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/914075-How-do-you-know-when-you-should-just-give-up

Maybe it will help to take your mind off it all for a short while.

Do you have enough help with 6 DCs?

MadAboutHotChoc · 01/04/2012 16:29

I remember your other thread and you were given lots of good advice.

Sorry to hear you are feeling like this and you really need to detach from this waste of space.

piratecat · 01/04/2012 16:36

they try and make you look unhinged to cover their backs.

they get angry with us to give themselves an excuse for having left in the first place. they can't face their guilt, they can't show remorse because that would mean they could very well be in the wrong, or actually that they have fucked it all up.

i'm so sorry. he has behaved disgustingly with no respect for the mother of his children. x

RabidEchidna · 01/04/2012 16:51

Wow, take your children and never speak to him or his family again, they all sound like scum

Sunnywithachanceofshowers · 01/04/2012 16:54

I'm so sorry OP, I remember your thread. :(

GingerBlondecat · 01/04/2012 16:58

Time to take to him court and get the children what they desrve $$$
$50 is nothing to look after 6 children in this economy.

Good luck OP and (((Hugs)))

IAmBooyhoo · 01/04/2012 16:58

what an absoloute bastard!! i am so Angry for you OP. how dare anyone treat someone like that. and his family just let you believe all was rosy in the garden. you are so better off away from him. what an asshole.

NormaStanleyFletcher · 01/04/2012 16:58

Oh cwwm. They have all treated you appallingly. What utter shits.

At least you know what he is now.

fallenpetal · 01/04/2012 17:02

Nice bloke and classy family grrrrrr

Dump the lot of them, they dont deserve your time or energy! Poor you xx

Original poster
comewwhinewithme · 01/04/2012 17:05

I have support of my family. I have also just rang two mums up from school and arranged to meet in the park so that's two days sorted. I am ringing for advice tomorrow and changing everything over to my bank account.
He's a disgrace and what's more a boring disgrace he is a textbook loser and cheater.
Giving up 6 dc for a sordid affair with someone who obviously is so needy she has to get with someone who has a family, two losers together.Just wish I didn't have this stomach churning sickness I don't want to feel gutted I want to be furious I want to be over this.

OP posts: