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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

scummy scummy man --I feel so low again and foolish

238 replies

comewwhinewithme · 01/04/2012 15:52

Ok so I'm not sure if anyone remembers my thread at the end of Jan? Dp went awol leaving me with 6dc and I was pg.
He turned back up with some story about loving me but not being in love and how he thought he was having a breakdown.
He didn't move back in but was here all the time and I supported him through his breakdown he would sit and cry and say sorry. He told the kids he was coming home he took money and food off me because he was skint.
He also swore he wanted me was still in love with me and I was the only person who stood by him. He said all his family had turned their back on him.
I fell for it all then I found a new facebook account he had set up and he is in a relationship with a girl he walks with.
Turns out he bought her the same chain he wanted to buy me for valentines day and he showed her a private letter regarding my pregnancy I had from the hospital.
He has also banned my dc from his sisters wedding so he can take her ;(.
The thing that really hurts though is his family they knew all along theiy have been out with her as have two of my oldest friends, what a kick in the teeth.
He is now lying about ever saying he was coming home and said he hasn't slept with me since he left, everyone thinks I'm some mad ex with a grudge and all condoning his actions.
Even his mum sat in my house Thursday and said she didn't know why he had gone.
Why couldn't one of them told me his mum has known me since I was 5 she said I was her third daughter.His sister has photos up of them stood together with their arms round each other
What the fuck did I do.

OP posts:
MadAboutHotChoc · 02/04/2012 14:43

I would NOT ring your ex at all - there is nothing to work out, he has made his choice.

He does NOT need to know you are seeing solicitor - keep it to yourself.

Glad you are going to see the Dr tonight.

Well done for sorting out child benefit and tax credits etc.

geniuswater · 02/04/2012 14:45

I remember your last thread Sad I am so sorry you are going through this. I don't have any advice other than take each day at a time, you are a great mummy and your kids need you, in years to come when they understand they will see what a fantastic strong woman you are and how you kept it all together and looked after them when he was such a loser. You will get through this and be happy again, it might not feel like it now but you will get there, cry when u need to, talk when u need to, you have nothing to feel guilt about and I am sure no one is laughing, like the poster above said they will be guilty and are cowards who you are better off without Flowers

Teaandcakeplease · 02/04/2012 15:08

You don't need to work it out with him. Use a professional mediator if you wish and perhaps a solicitor who is part of resolution? Please don't speak to him. No need to.

The Family Procedure Rules 2010 came into effect in April 2011 that anyone wishing to apply to the court, either for an order in relation to their children or an order in relation to their finances during the course of a divorce will have to attend a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting. The Mediator has to explain to that person what mediation has to offer and has to explore with them whether mediation would or would not be suitable Smile But mediation doesn't work for everyone, it really depends on both parties trying to be fair and amicable really doesn't it?

But I am not a legal expert at all here. The solicitor will speak to you some more about it when you see them. Do try several solicitors. Preferably one who is an expert in family law. I used one that specialised in Criminal, but I was on legal aid at the time and that was who was available. Every letter they sent was very confrontational and I asked to edit them before they were sent, as it would have exacerbated the situation with my ex. Even the petition was unnecessarily confrontational and no judge would have refused my divorced, he'd left me for another woman and didn't want to come back. End of. It didn't need embellishments Smile So I edited that too.

I hope the GP can help with sleeping pills tonight. It will get better. It is so hard right now though.

glastocat · 02/04/2012 15:09

Oh you poor thing, I really feel for you. But don't call him! What on earth would it achieve? Try to look after yourself, this is the worst bit, it really is.

Original poster
comewwhinewithme · 02/04/2012 16:21

Ok too late about not speaking but I haven't told him about solictor.
He is a dick he is supposed to be taking one dd to the evening reception she is desperate to go and he has said fine as long as I know he will be bringing the ow back to his place that night too.
So he is willing for his 9 yehear old to meet his girlfriend for the first time and know they sleep togt ether. Who in their right mind thinks this is ok? Its not ok is it?
He got really annoyed when I said the first time the kids meet her it needs to be somewhere like a park for an hour or something.
Wanker.

OP posts:
Teaandcakeplease · 02/04/2012 16:44

Yes a twat. Books like "it's not your fault koko bear", "mum and dad glue" or "two homes" can help children as you read them together, to get their head around it all. The book "what about the children" is good for adults to read as you try to manage it all. But books can come later, right now you need to try and get through each day. May I recommend a baseball bat and giving the cushions a solid wack to work through anger? Smile It is a marvellous way to let it out.

A lot of men do what your ex is doing. It's a shitty thing to do Sad

theresafire · 02/04/2012 16:51

I feel for you cwwm, men are such arseholes so regularly its a wonder that we marry them at all. How annoying that they will take forever or maybe never to understand the emotional toll their behaviour has had on others. Especially their own DCs. I hope the walking bitch has lots of uncomfortable moments whilst meeting your DCs and that cocklodger cops the fallout from that. At least she gets to fund him now ha ha. Breathe sweetness and light from your DCs sweet heads, best wishes

bronze · 02/04/2012 17:37

I'm so sorry this has happened to you CWWM. I missed your other thread as was off MN for a while but had noticed your blog was no more and wondered how you were. Sad it's not good.

Original poster
comewwhinewithme · 02/04/2012 21:36

Thanks all. Feel a bit better right now especially as the doctor called him a wanker Grin.M
No sleeping tablets but he has promised to see me again at the end of the week if I'm still like this.
I still cafon't eat but have had two glasses of milk.
Have also found out that he is living with a friend and she still lives with her mum, pmsl. I can just imagine the joy her mum felt when she told her she was in love with a man with 6 kids and no money.

OP posts:
Teaandcakeplease · 02/04/2012 21:45

Buy some rescue remedy for now. It comes in a little bottle, the box is yellow.

Original poster
comewwhinewithme · 02/04/2012 22:36

I will pick some up tomorrow thanks teacakes.

OP posts:
HoudiniHissy · 02/04/2012 23:21

REscue Remedy spray is good to keep in your handbag!

I have no idea if it works or not, but it got me through mild agoraphobia.... Can't hurt now can it!

Love your Doctor CWWM! Grin

Original poster
comewwhinewithme · 03/04/2012 05:41

Just woke up feeling sick and panicky I can't do this.

OP posts:
Hyperballad · 03/04/2012 05:50

You can do this. You are doing it. You are doing brilliantly. Your 6 children will be so proud of you for what their mum got through. Because you will get through this. Xx

Original poster
comewwhinewithme · 03/04/2012 06:15

I know I have to do it I just feel like I can't I'm dreading the dc waking up. That's awful isn't it?

OP posts:
lifechanger · 03/04/2012 06:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
comewwhinewithme · 03/04/2012 06:30

It just seems like such a waste though all those years. We were happy I didn't have a clue he was planning this.
How can he do this to us? I was so good to him and how can she as a woman do this to another woman?

OP posts:
Teaandcakeplease · 03/04/2012 07:29

I used to have those thoughts too, I was more angry with the OW as she was a family friend and knew me and the kids and also thought how could she so much.

You will get through this. Buy the rescue remedy or Kalms if you cannot find the rescue remedy. Your body is in shock and you have so much to process but you will get through this. One step at a time.

emdelafield · 03/04/2012 07:50

Hello,first of all I want to say how sorry I am for your situation. A couple of things stuck out for me so here are my thoughts:

Firstly your ex has done you a massive favour by behaving so badly . He has made the situation very clear cut for you so you don't have to agonise over him any longer.

The second thing that jumps put at me is how much hope you have for the future.Siix children are hard work and expense I am sure but on the other hand you have six people to love and be loved by and six exciting futures to help shape.

i wouldn't waste another minute looking back or rationalising what has happened. Set your face firmly to the future with hope.

I am not sure of the age range of your children but assume the oldest can help with the younger ones and you can pull together as a family.

Original poster
comewwhinewithme · 03/04/2012 07:56

Thanks all. Am still in bed having a snuggle with the toddler.
Will get the RR today.
Am going no contact all day today he sent some texts last night about dd going to the wedding alone with ow I just said it wasn't suitable.
I want him out of my head cunt cunt cunt.

OP posts:
Original poster
comewwhinewithme · 03/04/2012 07:57

Along with ow and ex not telling dd she was his gf.

OP posts:
Original poster
comewwhinewithme · 03/04/2012 10:36

We are still slobbing round think I need a cuddly day with my babies.
I feel really odd and detached like I'm not myself.

OP posts:
Sunnywithachanceofshowers · 03/04/2012 10:38

Hugs to you CWWM. I hope you enjoy your cuddly day xx

Original poster
comewwhinewithme · 03/04/2012 13:54

He has just sent a text saying he misses us all. I've ignored.

OP posts:
Original poster
comewwhinewithme · 03/04/2012 13:55

Thanks Sunny

OP posts: