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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

scummy scummy man --I feel so low again and foolish

238 replies

comewwhinewithme · 01/04/2012 15:52

Ok so I'm not sure if anyone remembers my thread at the end of Jan? Dp went awol leaving me with 6dc and I was pg.
He turned back up with some story about loving me but not being in love and how he thought he was having a breakdown.
He didn't move back in but was here all the time and I supported him through his breakdown he would sit and cry and say sorry. He told the kids he was coming home he took money and food off me because he was skint.
He also swore he wanted me was still in love with me and I was the only person who stood by him. He said all his family had turned their back on him.
I fell for it all then I found a new facebook account he had set up and he is in a relationship with a girl he walks with.
Turns out he bought her the same chain he wanted to buy me for valentines day and he showed her a private letter regarding my pregnancy I had from the hospital.
He has also banned my dc from his sisters wedding so he can take her ;(.
The thing that really hurts though is his family they knew all along theiy have been out with her as have two of my oldest friends, what a kick in the teeth.
He is now lying about ever saying he was coming home and said he hasn't slept with me since he left, everyone thinks I'm some mad ex with a grudge and all condoning his actions.
Even his mum sat in my house Thursday and said she didn't know why he had gone.
Why couldn't one of them told me his mum has known me since I was 5 she said I was her third daughter.His sister has photos up of them stood together with their arms round each other
What the fuck did I do.

OP posts:
JaxTellerIsMyFriend · 03/04/2012 18:41

CWWM you need to get some new friends! how disgusting? Best off without friends like that. No moral compass whatsoever.

Aha, it was you on choco s thread. You stay strong - and far away from that fucker. Not needed in your life at all.

Original poster
comewwhinewithme · 03/04/2012 19:10

I have got rid of her. She was one of the friends who knew about ex's ow but didn't think to let me know.

OP posts:
Original poster
comewwhinewithme · 03/04/2012 22:29

So he's getting no response to me and has started texting ds telling him to help me and he loves us all Angry.
I've sent a simple text saying "please don't do this as its unfair especially so late if you continue I will change our numbers and you will have to contact us on the landline"

Then I got back "sorry night sleep well xxxx"

Jeez louise.

OP posts:
Teaandcakeplease · 03/04/2012 22:30

What a dick Angry

BenderBendingRodriguez · 04/04/2012 07:43

Oh CWWM I am so sorry to read this, and so furious for you that this is happening. I read your previous thread and have thought of you often since, wondering whether things had improved.

Your H, his OW and the people around you who are supposed to care are, quite simply, scum. You and your children deserve so much better and fwiw I think you're handling things brilliantly.

Hold your head high, look them in the eye and say (to yourself if necessary) FUCK YOU ALL.

P.S. I still like a picnic tea sometimes Blush

Original poster
comewwhinewithme · 04/04/2012 08:50

Thanks Bender. Woke up feeling shit again at the thought of getting through another day. Have got up though had a shower and got dressed. Took some stuff to the recycling station it is 2 minutes from the house.
It's snowing and first thing 2 year old said was can daddy come and play? I fucking hate him nothing feels normal anymore I can't stand this gutted feeling I'm walking round with.
How dare he break our family how dare he damage our dc?
The house is such a mess I don't know where to start.
I feel sick and tired.

OP posts:
Original poster
comewwhinewithme · 04/04/2012 08:54

Oh and fucking facebook causing problems again.
Got a weird friend request last night did a bit of snooping and it is the sister of one of exsil's best friend.
I denied it obviously.

OP posts:
Teaandcakeplease · 04/04/2012 10:20

Forget about housework. Do the bare minimum for now, as long as you have some worktop space in the kitchen and some clean dishes, that's all you need.

Sending you a lot strength and (()) love. Forget mn etiquette.

It is so hard as you deal with these feelings and his fuckwittery with his texts.

Original poster
comewwhinewithme · 04/04/2012 10:25

I've been crying in front of kids he's made into a shit mum.
I just want my normal family back.

OP posts:
JaxTellerIsMyFriend · 04/04/2012 10:56

Come on CWWM you CAN do this.

Already you are on to good stuff, you are up and dressed. Get a load of laundry on if you have some (haha IF, you have 6 kiddies, course you do) get a happy DVD on for the kids and do 15 mins of cleaning.tidying ala flylady.

Keep up with the bare minimum, enlist the older kids to help, turn it into a game if you have the energy or just ask them to help you out if you cant be arsed. Grin

((BIGhugs))

Teaandcakeplease · 04/04/2012 11:00

you're not a shit mum. Crying is ok, you're hurting. You have to work through these feelings, it takes time and crying is good.

Original poster
comewwhinewithme · 04/04/2012 12:43

You're right I've given em an Easter egg and we are all under duvets watching a film.

OP posts:
Teaandcakeplease · 04/04/2012 12:55

Sounds lovely to me Smile

JaxTellerIsMyFriend · 04/04/2012 13:09

oh fab, can I come too? Thats a perfect day to me... except low carbing so no easter eggs, but I can scramble some and scoff that. Grin

When my friend went through a divorce and needed a good cry she went in the shower to do it, so the kids didnt always see her crying.

porcamiseria · 04/04/2012 13:17

you sound SUPER STRONG and he is clearly a twat, and as we all know twats are often parents

OP fuck them all, delete delete and DELETE

you focus on your lovely family, and this shitty shitty period will pass

have faith, and you sound like a great mum

Original poster
comewwhinewithme · 04/04/2012 13:40

I'm not a great mum though. I'm really not I can't bring up 6 dc alone I really can't.

OP posts:
Original poster
comewwhinewithme · 04/04/2012 13:44

Oh ffs now I think there is a mouse or something in the bathroom

OP posts:
Teaandcakeplease · 04/04/2012 15:44

Do you have a cat? Smile

wendieann · 04/04/2012 15:51

I think its time you let him go dear. Your children need a strong role model and you need to step up and be that for them! You don't want to teach your kids that what he does is allowed.

Don't look back, Do NOT give him money, food or anything else. He can go to his family for that!!

Get into counselling so they can give you support on remaining strong.

You deserve better. His past proves he will never change. It's up to you to move forward!

hugs it will be hard, but you need to do this for yourself and your children.

Plomino · 04/04/2012 16:29

Cwwm

Yes you can do this . You have come so far . And fwiw, anyone who manages to hav 6 kids in any situation without permanently crying , HAS to be a good mum ! And I say that with 5 of my own .

It's shit . You have been systematically lied to, by the very people you thought the most of . Who wouldn't feel shattered by that ? But, it WILL get better.

As for the mouse, get a humane trap, put some of that chocolate in it , and catch the damn thing .

Then drop it outside her house .

Original poster
comewwhinewithme · 04/04/2012 18:46

Lol thanks ladies you have cheered me up.
Don't think it was a mouse we have a downstairs bathroom and I think it was snow melting in the drain.
Odd phonecall today from ex. He apoligised for leading me said he was confused and was still in love with me and loved her too. I said well if you loved me you wouldn't lie about having slept with me for the past three months and he went on about it been hard to admit to it but he knew it was wrong.
Anyway I then mentioned he had OW eating out of his hand as she didn't seem to believe me when I sent òher a (nice) message saying that we had not stopped sleeping together and he had not made me aware of her.
He then went very quiet said really and then said he hadn't heard from her since Saturday (he is housebound atm broken rib) .
I then got three texts telling me he knew I would fuck it up for him. Awww poor lil love.
It is probably pure bullshit that he hasn't heard from her but it made me laugh.

OP posts:
Original poster
comewwhinewithme · 04/04/2012 19:11

I know I can do this just having wobbles on and off.

OP posts:
captainmummy · 04/04/2012 19:28

she didn't know about you sleeping with him?

tit for tat. Feels good, i bet

Original poster
comewwhinewithme · 04/04/2012 19:46

Captain as far as I knew we were in a relationship until friday he just wasn't living here.
Then I found out he was seeing another woman. I wasn't aware of her until Saturday morning of last week. So no it doesn't feel good.
I sent the message Saturday when I first found out and I wasn't nasty just told her what I have said above and that I thought he should have been honest with us both.
She however knew about me when she started sleeping with him. I haven't seen him since I found out.

OP posts:
Smurfy1 · 04/04/2012 19:51

Didnt want to read and run

You are AMAZING, STRONG and a FANTASTIC mummy to kids that obviously adore you!

None of this is your fault and please hold your head up high and don't give him the satisfaction. I know it's hard but it will get easier & if your anywhere near Edinburgh PM me xxx

I left my first husband as I found out he was cheating on me with some skank that he met at a family BBQ ffs no1 had the decency to tell me I got the last laugh, and the house and she got a wanker and a wedding dress I made them wait 2 yrs to use rofl