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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

scummy scummy man --I feel so low again and foolish

238 replies

comewwhinewithme · 01/04/2012 15:52

Ok so I'm not sure if anyone remembers my thread at the end of Jan? Dp went awol leaving me with 6dc and I was pg.
He turned back up with some story about loving me but not being in love and how he thought he was having a breakdown.
He didn't move back in but was here all the time and I supported him through his breakdown he would sit and cry and say sorry. He told the kids he was coming home he took money and food off me because he was skint.
He also swore he wanted me was still in love with me and I was the only person who stood by him. He said all his family had turned their back on him.
I fell for it all then I found a new facebook account he had set up and he is in a relationship with a girl he walks with.
Turns out he bought her the same chain he wanted to buy me for valentines day and he showed her a private letter regarding my pregnancy I had from the hospital.
He has also banned my dc from his sisters wedding so he can take her ;(.
The thing that really hurts though is his family they knew all along theiy have been out with her as have two of my oldest friends, what a kick in the teeth.
He is now lying about ever saying he was coming home and said he hasn't slept with me since he left, everyone thinks I'm some mad ex with a grudge and all condoning his actions.
Even his mum sat in my house Thursday and said she didn't know why he had gone.
Why couldn't one of them told me his mum has known me since I was 5 she said I was her third daughter.His sister has photos up of them stood together with their arms round each other
What the fuck did I do.

OP posts:
TheSockPuppet · 04/04/2012 19:58

OP this thread has been pretty hard to read, your ex is absolute scum.

Take some time to recover from this, give yourself plenty of tlc, enjoy every moment with your dc and make lots of happy memories of you all together to replace all of the horrid memories of what this arse has done to you all, and when you've got your confidence back he'll no doubt come running back confessing his love again and you get to hold your head up high and tell him to fuck off!

Original poster
comewwhinewithme · 04/04/2012 20:07

Ha! Is it hard to read because of the typos? Bloody tiny screen and sausage fingers don't go well together.
Thanks for the lovely posts feeling much brighter even though I have a toddler screaming at me for a dinosaur she means a Lindt bunny. [Grin]

OP posts:
Sunnywithachanceofshowers · 04/04/2012 21:01

CWWM you're not a shit mum. You sound like a terrific mum who is going through some bloody awful times.

Massive hugs to you, because you are awesome. xxx

TheSockPuppet · 04/04/2012 21:35

No, hard to read because you've been through such a hard time - I dreaded reading on to see more of the shit behaviour your ex showed you - after the way he's treated you I can't believe he has the cheek to expect emotional support! Angry

Bogeyface · 04/04/2012 22:14

I am Shock at his sheer brassneck about you "fucking it up" for him!

The total lack of self awareness is astounding! I take it that he doesnt seem to think that him having an affair, stringing you both along and basically being a lying cheating bastard was fucking anything up?!

You are doing really well OP, stay strong, keep the faith xx

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 04/04/2012 22:40

CWWM - I'm so sorry to read this, I didn't know he had come crawling back, the fucker. Angry

I have just roared though, at your DD wanting a dinosaur Lindt bunny Grin

Stay strong, you can do this because you are an amazing woman.

Teaandcakeplease · 04/04/2012 22:53

I never had the guts to contact OW. I am in awe of you Smile

Original poster
comewwhinewithme · 04/04/2012 23:10

He has got a bit of a brassneck hasn't he? I didn't really have the guts to do it either I just sent it on a spur of the moment thing and instantly regretted it. But I was very civil and told her it would be the first and last time I would contact her and would she please not make contact with me.
Waves to Ali, the dinosaur made me laugh too wondered what she was going on about for a while.
Thanks for all the lovely support it really does help. This morning I woke up and until lunchtime it was the worse I had felt but I feel like I've turned a bit of a corner today.
Am reading This Charming Man and it's making me giggle as she describes the first weeks after a break up at least I'm not the only person to go a bit mad for a few days.

OP posts:
Original poster
comewwhinewithme · 05/04/2012 09:10

Morning. I am ok so far. My job for this morning is to blitz the kitchen.
Managed sleep still have stomach churning gutted feeling it swings between hating him,missing him,total despait or just rage at the whole situation.
I will never trust anyone again except myself and I will always trust my instincts from now on.
There should be a bloody law against twats like my ex.

OP posts:
Original poster
comewwhinewithme · 05/04/2012 09:43

Change of plan got downstairs felt so low rang dr, am waiting for cab now.
Feel like a huge nob, other women get through this why can't I ?.

OP posts:
Alibabaandthe40nappies · 05/04/2012 10:17

CWWM you will get through it, you will.

You don't see this part when it is someone else, all you see is the external face.

I hope the doctor is helpful

glastocat · 05/04/2012 10:21

You will get through this, you really will.

Original poster
comewwhinewithme · 05/04/2012 10:37

Course of sleeping tablets

OP posts:
Charbon · 05/04/2012 11:51

Just caught up with this and remember your other thread.

I'm glad you now realise he was having an affair all along. That will help you and knowledge is power. I was sorry to read that you'd still been sleeping with him and I hope that hasn't messed you up too much. Of course you were right to let the OW know about that, well done. Although, if she allowed herself to get involved with a MM with 6 kids and encouraged him to leave his wife, he will have no trouble convincing her that you are a deranged liar, but she will find out one day about that labelling malfunction Wink

Although his family sound like the cast of Shameless, do you agree now that it was him making bogus complaints to Social Services about you, with some aiding and abetting?

Please don't contact him or reply to his texts. Have a phone that the DCs can use to contact him if they need to, but maintain complete radio silence with him. No contact at all.

And get your finances all worked out. If you're unmarried, you're in a bit of a precarious position.

Original poster
comewwhinewithme · 05/04/2012 12:28

No it was exsil who made the report she admitted it.
I can't slate him as a dad up until this was an amazing dad and still contacts them and provides for them.
He has agreed to having them every weekend and once a week.
It's just me he's a twat to.

OP posts:
Charbon · 05/04/2012 13:48

You certainly can slate him as a dad. I do. Amazing dads don't treat the children's mother like a piece of easily disposed rubbish when someone else turns their heads. They don't lie about their mental health and they certainly don't stand by while their sisters make false reports to Social Services in an attempt to take the children away from their mothers. Your exSIL didn't act unilaterally you know....

Original poster
comewwhinewithme · 09/04/2012 19:11

Sorry for not posting for a while. Things were a bit odd for a while. The wedding was this weekend and he didn't take the dc. He did take her and his insensitive family have plastered pics of him and her stood together. I am not bothered they are all blocked and I haven't tried to look but ds still has some of them on his profile and has seen and was quite upset. Why can't they just think? I know ex is their son/brother but isn't their grandson/nephew just as important?

Anyway I have only talked to him wrt to dc. He is having them for a couple of hours tomorrow then overnight at the weekend.

He didn't like the ignoring so now I have over 30 messages on my phone telling me he loves me, he's sorry, he was thinking of me all day while he was at the wedding, he is such a fool, he misses his kids, he knows what an idiot he has been and she is not worth leaving his kids over.
And so on and so on. I eventually sent one back saying am not getting into this and got a picture of myself sent back saying look at your gorgeous eyes.

Don't think he likes not having me around to massage his ego. He has also offered to fix my washer even though I've told him$ he can't come to the house.

Twunt

OP posts:
onemoreminute · 09/04/2012 19:44

Keep ignoring him, he doesn't like it and that's why he is texting all this again.

Stay strong your doing really well avoiding his bullshit.

He says he was thinking about you but he was still posing for photos with her.

Teaandcakeplease · 09/04/2012 19:49

He is a complete twunt Angry Well done on maintaining boundaries.

JustHecate · 09/04/2012 19:51

What a bastard.

Clearly you're supposed to be on your knees, begging and pleading with him to please come back to you, you can't live without him.

All this "I love you" shit - it's designed to hurt you, to weaken you.

He's an arse.

CaveMum · 09/04/2012 19:54

I've been lurking on this thread for a while, but just wanted to say keep the messages OP, they may prove useful in the future. I'd also show them to your solicitor.

Original poster
comewwhinewithme · 09/04/2012 19:55

I know he is playing with my head and I know for a fact if I said I love you or come home, he would back off.

Yes he was thinking of me but posing for pics, DS did say he looked very uncomfortable though lol.

OP posts:
Original poster
comewwhinewithme · 09/04/2012 19:55

I know he is playing with my head and I know for a fact if I said I love you or come home, he would back off.

Yes he was thinking of me but posing for pics, DS did say he looked very uncomfortable though lol.

OP posts:
Original poster
comewwhinewithme · 09/04/2012 19:56

Cavemum I've kept every one. :)

OP posts:
Original poster
comewwhinewithme · 09/04/2012 19:58

Oh and I've just realised he didn't buy his dc an Easter egg neither did any of his family.

OP posts: