Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He's gone...for now

194 replies

nutcracker · 04/02/2006 11:16

We had a huge row about washing of all things, and he lost it, threw 2 cups at the wall in the kitchen, so I told him to get out.

He will be back though, as although i gave him his cash card, there is hardley any money in his account.

Am feeling very shaky and upset and sick.

OP posts:
Rhubarb · 04/02/2006 11:16

HUGS

Where has he gone do you think? Will you be ok?

hercules · 04/02/2006 11:17

Oh nutty. I am just about to go out but didnt want this to go unanswered.

Have you anyone close by you can ask to come round?

meggmoo · 04/02/2006 11:17

Hugs here too.

Have you been rowing alot recently?

Original poster
nutcracker · 04/02/2006 11:18

Haven't a clue where he has gone. I'm hoping he might go to his brothers but i'm not sure.

I am not sure how I am tbh.

He scared the dd's half to death. Have settled them in front of a dvd, but wtf do I say to them now ?

OP posts:
Original poster
nutcracker · 04/02/2006 11:19

and so much for trusting me, he started ranting and ravcing at me about who martin was !!!! I haven't a clue.

OP posts:
Rhubarb · 04/02/2006 11:19

Right, you tell them that sometimes grown ups do silly things, but they don't mean it. Then you give them a big hug. They'll be ok. Just don't make a big deal about it in front of them.

Phone someone, anyone to get them to sit with you until he returns. Where are you?

Original poster
nutcracker · 04/02/2006 11:19

My mom is only round the corner but i think she's at work.

OP posts:
Rhubarb · 04/02/2006 11:20

Phone his brother to check that he is there. Tell his brother what has happened and ask that he stay there overnight.

Rhubarb · 04/02/2006 11:20

Have you any friends that can come round now?

fairydust · 04/02/2006 11:21

oh nutty i'm sorry it's come to this = phone your dad or your brother and tell them what's happening

Original poster
nutcracker · 04/02/2006 11:21

I'm in birmingham. I'm ok honest, am relieved and scared shitless all at the same time.

OP posts:
Rhubarb · 04/02/2006 11:22

Are you scared that he'll hit you? What are you frightened of?

Original poster
nutcracker · 04/02/2006 11:24

I can't ring his brother, i don't have the number. He came back for his phone so I am hoping he will put credit on it, ring his brother and go and see him.

I don't wanna ring my dad or brother just yet cos I will disolve into tears.

OP posts:
Serendippity · 04/02/2006 11:24

Oh nutcracker what a shock. Of course you are scared, remebner you are strong and you will be ok. Hugs.

Original poster
nutcracker · 04/02/2006 11:24

Just scared in general Rhubarb, you know of everything i think.

OP posts:
Freckle · 04/02/2006 11:25

Nutty, this is domestic violence. The emotional abuse, the "restrained" physical violence, all count towards the definition of domestic violence/abuse. Contact your local women's support services, tell them how frightened you are, how frightened your children are and they will advise what steps you can take.

You may be entitled to change the locks on the house and keep him out. Check with them and be safe.

Original poster
nutcracker · 04/02/2006 11:25

I am supposed to be working tonight.

OP posts:
Original poster
nutcracker · 04/02/2006 11:27

Honestly Freckle, he won't hurt me, he knows I will ring the police if he threatens me too.

I am expecting him to either ring or turn up later, but I am not letting him in. I have double locked the door and dropped the latch so he can't get in even with his key.

OP posts:
Rhubarb · 04/02/2006 11:28

Then you phone in sick. Get in touch with Women's Aid, they'll be able to talk to you, might even send someone over just to be with you.

Rhubarb · 04/02/2006 11:30

Here This is emotional abuse, he is scaring the shit out of you and the children. He doesn't have to use his fists, mental scars are much much worse. You have to think of your children, he frightened them, he will frighten them again and again and they will ask why you never took them away, why you didn't stop it. So stop it now and phone Womens Aid. Please.

Original poster
nutcracker · 04/02/2006 11:35

Do I really need to get them involved if i'm not having him back anyway ???

OP posts:
Rhubarb · 04/02/2006 11:37

Listen Nutty, I have to go now, my email is guinness underscore maiden at hotmail dot com. Contact me, give me your number and I'll phone you. I can't come over, but I'll do what I can to help. If you want to that is. But please look at this as the first step for you regaining control of your life and stopping the bullying.

Rhubarb · 04/02/2006 11:41

Yes, you will need support and advice. Friends are great at times like this, but these people know what they are talking about, they can help with legal things, to make sure that he cannot come back, they'll be there if he threatens you, they'll help you to get back on your feet again. Don't do this alone.

Original poster
nutcracker · 04/02/2006 11:46

Thanks Rhubarb, i might ring them for some advice a bit later on, will email you too when i can get in to my email.

Am just going to pop and do myself a cuppa and check on the kids.

OP posts:
Bugsy2 · 04/02/2006 11:51

Just seen this nutcracker, I'm so sorry that it has come to this.
I would definitely ask someone to come and be with you. I think it would be better if you are not alone when he returns. TBH, it doesn't sound as though he is going to hit you - but he is clearly very, very angry. Another person in the house would probably force him to keep a grip on himself.
You say you are not going to take him back - have you thought about what you are going to say?
Please ask someone to come and be with you - you need some support for this.
Big hugs.

Swipe left for the next trending thread