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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He's gone...for now

194 replies

nutcracker · 04/02/2006 11:16

We had a huge row about washing of all things, and he lost it, threw 2 cups at the wall in the kitchen, so I told him to get out.

He will be back though, as although i gave him his cash card, there is hardley any money in his account.

Am feeling very shaky and upset and sick.

OP posts:
Cadbury · 05/02/2006 16:21

Hi nutty, not really sure what to say, but just wanted to show my support.

If I can do anything, let me know. Cadbury 73 at hotmail dot com. You have been really strong doing this and I know that this is a positive step for you.

Hang in there

tiredemma · 05/02/2006 16:25

hope you are ok nutty, you have been really strong.
im here if you need me x

Miaou · 05/02/2006 16:28

Well done nutty, this has been coming a long time. I am relieved for you that he is going along with it too and is prepared to leave. I wish you all the best

LIZS · 05/02/2006 16:32

Sorry it has ultimately come to this. Wonder if it is worth telling the girls' teachers tomorrow just in case they get upset at school ? Surely if he ups and leaves his job he'll be skint as he won't be bale to claim which won't do anyone any favours.

Original poster
nutcracker · 05/02/2006 16:35

I am going to send a note to each teacher i think, just incase.

LIZ - I always knew he would give his job up. TBH i don't care, thats up to him. I have told him he will have no money for 3 mths if he does.

OP posts:
WigWamBam · 05/02/2006 16:38

Well done, Nutty, you've been very strong. I don't really know what else to say, just wanted to show some support.

nitfreecod · 05/02/2006 16:39

nut the nut

hiya

snafu · 05/02/2006 16:39

Hi Nutty

Sounds strange to say I'm pleased for you, but I hope you know what I mean . Like others have said, this has really been a long time coming, and I think it's a positive thing even if it doesn't much feel like it now. The kids will be okay - and so will you.

Stay strong and keep your eye on the future xx

blueteddy · 05/02/2006 16:40

Message withdrawn

Beetroot · 05/02/2006 16:40

You have ben unhappy for so long NUtty, I do hope you are strong enough to make him stay away.

Freckle · 05/02/2006 16:42

OK, practicalities. Contact your local authority tomorrow and apply for/adjust a claim for housing benefit and council tax benefit. You are entitled to a 25% discount as a single adult in any event.

Do you receive tax credits? Contact them and inform them of your change of situation.

Contact the housing association and ask them to sort out transferring the house into your sole name.

Don't know what you income is, but you may be entitled to income support as a top-up too, so contact the benefits agency.

cheltenhamgal · 05/02/2006 16:45

hi, nutty didn't want to poke my nose in but I was in similar situation 3yrs ago, he went eventually and I have never been more happy. It will seem like the world has just ended but I promise you things will get better. Even with all the money problems and now I am having to sell the house I am still happier and wouldn't change anything for the world. My dd is alot happier as well as there are no longer the horrible rows, take care and keep us all posted so we know you are ok, xx

Original poster
nutcracker · 05/02/2006 17:20

Hiya Cod

Just told my friend cos she popped in. She was a bit gobsmacked i think, but the more people i tell the better i think.

I honestly am not letting him back. I feel so relieved that I have done it at last and am looking foward at finally. I feel so much happier already.

OP posts:
Original poster
nutcracker · 05/02/2006 17:21

Keep catching myself grinning. Never ever thought I could do it.

OP posts:
tribpot · 05/02/2006 17:26

You know the old cliché "today is the first day of the rest of your life"? That is so true for you today nutcracker.

whimsy · 05/02/2006 17:32

Nutty, only just read this I am shocked you've done it, but good for you

You know where I am if you need anything, just let me know and I'll come over

SorenLorensen · 05/02/2006 17:37

I am so glad you're sticking to your guns, nutty.

Original poster
nutcracker · 05/02/2006 18:22

Just had a lovely roast dinner.

Xp (lol thats funny) is gonna ring the kids in a bit too.

OP posts:
kama · 05/02/2006 18:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Rhubarb · 05/02/2006 19:45

I've just caught up with this and am really pleased to see that things have worked out ok, I was thinking about you all weekend! You're a strong woman and your kids will be the stronger for you! Even when things get rough, as they are bound too, just remember what you are capable of. This is the start of something new for you, look forward to it! And we're all here if you need us!

sobernow · 05/02/2006 19:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
nutcracker · 05/02/2006 21:04

No i can't keep my job, as it is evenings. TBH i am not that bothered, would rather concentrate on the kids for now.

Thanks Rhubarb and everyone else too.

OP posts:
WideWebWitch · 05/02/2006 21:05

I'm glad you're smiling a bit today.

QE2 · 05/02/2006 21:13

Nutty, have just caught up with this. Glad you are staying strong. I am thinking about you and the kids.

Guess what? My ex-dh gave up his job as he didn't want me to get a penny from him! I soon pissed on his parade when i told him I didn't wantanything from him and I could do everything without him.

Same will go for you too. You will be stronger than you ever thought you could be.

Re the kids. Just tell them what they ask about and tell them when they can phone or see daddy. I found mine played up more when they didn't know waht was going on. They will play up to start with anyway what with everything changing but they will soon settle down again. Good idea re the note to their teachers btw.

mistressmiggins · 05/02/2006 21:29

just to show support nutty

what is it with men & money - its the only thing they have to threaten you with and for some reason, dont realise money ISNT our priority

I toild my nursery so they could keep an eye on the children but mine have been fine since daddy left....

be strong and know we are all routing for you