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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He's gone...for now

194 replies

nutcracker · 04/02/2006 11:16

We had a huge row about washing of all things, and he lost it, threw 2 cups at the wall in the kitchen, so I told him to get out.

He will be back though, as although i gave him his cash card, there is hardley any money in his account.

Am feeling very shaky and upset and sick.

OP posts:
Hulababy · 05/02/2006 22:01

Just seen this nutcracker. Well done on being brave enough to take this stance. Good luck.

Flossam · 05/02/2006 22:02

Well done Nutty, you've been very brave. I hope things go well for you. Maybe that young lad would have a hope in hell a few months down the line eh? Seriously, though, you should be very proud. xxx

Original poster
nutcracker · 05/02/2006 22:22

LOL Flossam, if i were 10 years younger then yeah, he will make some girl very happy one day

Had a bit of a funny night, keep switching from happy to indifferent to sad to happy again, think it's cos it's so quiet.

OP posts:
Original poster
nutcracker · 05/02/2006 22:22

Thanks again for all the messages, they are really helping.

OP posts:
sunchowder · 05/02/2006 23:44

Hi Nutty, just saw this. Very proud of you to have done this, early days I know, but one day at a time. Let us know if you need anything (like money!) until your finances are sorted. I hope this brings you the happiness you deserve.

XO,
Sunny

ponygirl · 06/02/2006 10:29

Morning Nutty! How are you feeling today? Kept thinking about you over the weekend and feeling really pleased for you that you'd taken this huge but fantastic step (mad woman that I am!). Hope you're still feeling good. I expect you've got a hectic week in front of you now. Good luck with it all! Pg x

rickman · 06/02/2006 10:30

Message withdrawn

zephyrcat · 06/02/2006 10:44

Hiya Nutty - have only just seen this and am so glad that you've managed to do it Stay strong - the hardest bit is done now - you have done it!!

Have lots of special time and cuddles with the little ones - they'll be needing it and now that they see how much happier you are things will be so much better all round.

Here's to you and your new start

LadyTophamHatt · 06/02/2006 10:54

OMG Nutty....please don't take this the wrong way but I'm amazed. I've read many of your threads about your XP (!!!) over the years and TBh I really didn't think you'd do it.

So now reading this I am really pleased for you, well done for sticking with it.

I hope the future is a bright one for you, you DD's and DS....I'm sure it will be
Good Luck.

Rhubarb · 06/02/2006 10:55

How are you doing today?

Original poster
nutcracker · 06/02/2006 13:48

Hiya

I'm doing ok today, was a bit fed up this morning cos i didn't sleep very well, but i'm ok now.

Have rung work and told them i'm not going back, rung the ha but they are ringing me back, and rung the job centre who are sending out my forms and have given me an appointment for next tuedsay (14th how ironic).

Next on my list is tax credits. I ran gearlier but got cut off.

Had a chat with a friend about it all this morning and she was great, thinks i've done the right thing etc. Unfrotunatly my other friend/neighbour wasn't very impressed and said i was rushing it and not thinking about the kids.

Anyway, am just gonna have a cuppa and get back on the phone.

OP posts:
unicorn · 06/02/2006 13:50

Well done nutty you should be really proud of yourself!

Onwards and upwards!!!

LadyTophamHatt · 06/02/2006 13:51

I doubt she'd think you were rushing it if she was an mumsnetter Nutty.

Well Done again

Freckle · 06/02/2006 13:51

How on earth does your neighbour know how much thinking you have been doing? From threads on here, you have been thinking about this for absolutely ages. Tell her to keep her opinion to herself.

What you need now is support, not people putting doubts in your mind. The next few weeks/months will be difficult but the life on the other side of them will be so much better for all of you.

Original poster
nutcracker · 06/02/2006 14:00

Oh don't worry i told my neighbour in no uncertain terms that I had thought about it long and hard and that I certainly wouldn't have told the kids if i wasn't certain.

She kept saying, "oh well maybe in a few days" and i said no, i don't want him back.

Work just rang back to offer me less nights, but i said no because i just can't garuntee that I can get childcare, plus i'd rather focus on the kids right now.

OP posts:
Rhubarb · 06/02/2006 14:02

People can only comment from the outside, they have no idea what it was like from the inside. She probably just saw you every now and then as a happy family and had no idea of what was going on.

How is he accepting it all? Will he try to come back?

Original poster
nutcracker · 06/02/2006 14:32

He has been ok so far. I have spoken to him on msn today as his work rang here for him. He is fine, hasn't sorted much out though yet.

OP posts:
LadyTophamHatt · 06/02/2006 14:35

is he really going to stop working nutty?

csa or not he has to "pay" for the children some how. I'd be raging if Dh did that.

Dinosaur · 06/02/2006 14:35

nutty, just wanted to send you good wishes and encouragement. Have been reading your posts about your now-ex for a long time and I'm sure you've done the right thing.

Rhubarb · 06/02/2006 14:37

Does he believe that this is the end? Is he just biding his time waiting for you to change your mind?

Original poster
nutcracker · 06/02/2006 14:39

His doc is signing him of sick with depression. TBH i think he probably is depressed, and has been for some time, so thats up to him.

I don't care what he does, or where he lives, so long as he has as much contact with the kids as they want.

OP posts:
Original poster
nutcracker · 06/02/2006 14:40

I think he realises i mean it because he knows there is no way i would put the kids through this for nothing.

OP posts:
Piffle · 06/02/2006 14:43

Nutty you are being so sensible and mature about this. Respect!!!!!!!!
I hope it all falls into place, we look forward to seeing a new happier Nutty posting about trivial things like "my nail broke" et al very soon....

Rhubarb · 06/02/2006 14:43

Well I hope he can move on from this too. Might force him to take responsibility a bit more and treat his depression.

Miaou · 06/02/2006 16:08

Depression can be so horrible to live with. Dh and I nearly split up over it (I asked him to leave - twice - he got help then!) and it is totally miserable for everyone concerned. Though obviously in your case there is far more going on than the depression.

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