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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

He's gone...for now

194 replies

nutcracker · 04/02/2006 11:16

We had a huge row about washing of all things, and he lost it, threw 2 cups at the wall in the kitchen, so I told him to get out.

He will be back though, as although i gave him his cash card, there is hardley any money in his account.

Am feeling very shaky and upset and sick.

OP posts:

Original poster

nutcracker · 06/02/2006 16:20

Feeling a bit crappy now. Dd1 brought a letter home about after school recorder practice. She has wanted to learn for ages but it is 3.30 until 4.15, which would mean me waiting for her with ds and dd2 for an hour as we wouldn't have time to go home and come back.

As it is I am already going to have to do several trips of a wednesday to get them both to rainbows and brownies.

Feel awful, but i can't be everywhere at once.

OP posts:

winnie · 06/02/2006 16:26

nutcracker is there another mum who you could ask to bring dd home? Perhaps you could help each other out?

I am sorry you are feeling crap. Feeling like you have all the responsibilities in the world on your shoulders is horrid but you will do it and you will manage. Best wishes

lou33 · 06/02/2006 16:26

Well done nutty

Unfortunately you will get people with their own half baked theories about your relationship, try not to let if affect you

I have had an email saying i was basically being irresponsible in ending my marriage, people saying i am depriving my kids of a father, and also do i know how much i am hurting him. You either have to ignore it or challenge them and make them shut up. So far i have done the latter and it's worked. You and him are th eonly ones who know exactly what went on, so pay no mind to those who think they have you all worked out.

Dinosaur · 06/02/2006 16:30

nutty, definitely try and suss out if there is another parent who could collect her after recorder practice.

Or is there an after school club that DD2 could go to on the same day, then you'd only have to make one trip?

Original poster

nutcracker · 06/02/2006 16:31

Winnie - I am racking my brains, but unfortunatly the only person who could has decided not to go.

It was bound to happen sooner or later anyway as i don't drive so there are gona be somethings now that they just can't do or go to.

Lou - Have seen my neighbour again since and she has apologised and said she was just shocked.

You are right though it is no one elses buisness.

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Original poster

nutcracker · 06/02/2006 16:32

I'd have to pay for after school club for dd2 and ds, which would be roughly £5, which isn't alot but not something I can really afford now.

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Original poster

nutcracker · 06/02/2006 16:33

Wednesdays will be alot worse as i have the school run in the morning, nursery run at 12.30, school run again at 3, then back home and back out to rainbows (right by school) at 4.30, then back out again at 6 to collect dd2 and drop off dd1 for borwmnies.

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Freckle · 06/02/2006 16:49

What about looking at it from the other angle? Could you find another parent who could do the 3.30pm pickup, so you only have to go out once to collect dd1 at 4.15?

Original poster

nutcracker · 06/02/2006 16:54

Good idea Freckle but unfortunatly the 3.15 pick up invovles collecting ds from nursery too and he is not the most reliable of walkers. I feel it would be a bit too much to ask.

I'll see if anyone mentions it at school tommorow and then i'll mention dd1 wants to go but i have a prob collecting her and see if anyone offers.

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sarahinphuket · 07/02/2006 00:07

nutty it was interesting what you said about telling as many people as possible. I think that is a good idea. I told everyone - both people in my life here and people around the world who are friends, and family - almost immediately. I knew that there was no way I'd back down once I'd already told people.

There will be people who will think you have done the wrong thing - but it's not their business. As Lou said, only you and he know exactly what happened. Some friends of mine were shocked but when I told them a little more information (I didn't want to tell them everything) and gave them a little insight as to how we had been living, they backed down pretty quickly.
Stay strong you can do this.

LadyTophamHatt · 07/02/2006 12:15

How are you today Nutty?

compo · 07/02/2006 12:42

Only just seen this thread. Well doen Nutty You are a strong independent woman - woo hoo!!!

FioFio · 07/02/2006 12:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

winnie · 07/02/2006 15:37

nutty, how are you doing today?

Marina · 07/02/2006 15:42

Gosh nutcracker, just seen this. Wishing you all the very best - I think you have put up with such a lot and been extremely strong through all of this. And how you have tried to make things work out for you all.

bundle · 07/02/2006 16:33

gosh nutty, i've only just spotted this too, hope you're ok, x

Original poster

nutcracker · 07/02/2006 19:23

Hello

Haven't been on all day as decided to have a mad cleaning spree

Xp came round this evening to see the kids and tbh at first i found it really hard having him there, although it did remind me why i have done what i've done which is good i suppose.
We nearly had a row though cos I asked him for the keys back and he said i couldn't have them until he had spoken to the HA. I said there was no reason for him to have them and he said he needed them for security.

Anyway to cut a long story short he did give them to me and apologised for being such an arse about it.

The other news is that he has a temporary flat on this estate which i am pleased about for the kids sake more than anything and also for me too cos hopefully i might get a bit of time to myself when he has them now.

He did ask me why again, so I exaplined as best i could and he's not stupid, he knows it wasn't working. He has been to his g.p and he has signed him off work for 2 weeks.

He offered to still come with me to take the kids to the dentist next week and i accepted because it is always a nightmare, and he is going to a literacy workshop with Dd1 as i am busy, and he has also said he will take them too and from an after school activity (that i want to find instead of rainbows/brownies).

So in the end it was ok and i am very relieved cos i really want us to get on for the kids sake.

OP posts:

LadyTophamHatt · 07/02/2006 19:41

I'm really glad it went well Nutty.

Onwards and upwards from now on

bythesouthsea · 07/02/2006 20:00

Nutty - just read this thread - well done you, be prepared for lots of ups and downs but hang in there. Need to change thread to ' He's gone...for good!'

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