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Original poster

The honing of the twat radars - dating chat thread number 9

999 replies

lubeybooby · 08/02/2012 20:24

Thread got too big so here's a new one :o

All dating, online or otherwise in here please

Chit chat to serious stuff - off we go!

OP posts:
Original poster
lubeybooby · 08/02/2012 20:25

in response to feedbackforfree on the other thread:

Oh love :( so sorry for that horrid experience - hope youre ok now

Listen though, your twat radar DID work, it truly did... you just pressed override and met him anyway. Next time if you get a truly bad vibe like that just don't meet and no futher contact - give them a one way ticket to the far side of fuck from the outset of that gut feeling. It's always always right.

OP posts:
Original poster
lubeybooby · 08/02/2012 20:25

and thank you Time I am very chuffed with the weightloss. Grand Plan coming along nicely :o

OP posts:
LineRunner · 08/02/2012 20:26

I joined PoF twn days ago, My first internet dating attempt.

I am being bothered already.

Is this normal?

Original poster
lubeybooby · 08/02/2012 20:27

End of the last thread here www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/a1382798-Close-Encounters-of-The-Intimate-Kind-Dating-thread-No-8#29967114

OP posts:
LineRunner · 08/02/2012 20:27

twn = ten

Original poster
lubeybooby · 08/02/2012 20:27

Linerunner how do you mean bothered?

By men who you don't want to contact you or something else??

OP posts:
LineRunner · 08/02/2012 20:32

There is a man locally who recognised my photograph (and who is a twat) so therefore knows my name and contact details and who has followed this up with repeatedly asking me out.

But if I don't post a photo then it is a waste of time being on the site, really.

Original poster
lubeybooby · 08/02/2012 20:37

Is he asking you out via text/phone/email/PoF? If so can you block him?

If not just adopt the stuck record of No thank you or just no. He'll get the message eventually. Don't bite if he asks why

I wouldn't say it was normal really no. I've never been recognised.

OP posts:
feedbackforfree · 08/02/2012 20:38

Lubey, I given you all the sanitised version. I felt violated, almost emotionally raped. Hope that doesn't sound too over the top but my ex was abusive and it just felt like I'd been dragged back in time to another life that I have worked so hard to leave behind. I think the bloke is damaged. That's not normal behaviour. He was overtly sexual and tried to put his hand up my skirt. When I moved it away, that's when we had the problem.

DatingMinefield · 08/02/2012 20:41

Holy shit! Just read feedbacks post on the last thread. Hope you're ok now! What a vile man. I think that's a warning to us all to walk away if you get bad vibes.

Linerunner, that's very unlucky, but I would just ignore, ignore. The whole point is that we're in control. You can block him from messaging you on POF. Do you mean that he's contacting you by other means? I would make it clear that he's harassing you if he continues and that you'll take steps to stop it.

Is that a problem that anyone else has experienced? I thought the misconception that if you join a dating site, you'll be up for anything had been put to rest.

TimeForMeAndDD · 08/02/2012 20:44

LineRunner can you block him? Don't interact with him at all, this will only encourage him, hopefully he will soon get fed up and move along.

lubey I'm feeling pretty chuffed with the change in my bodyshape, I've only lost 12lb but it's made quite a difference to my shape. I feel as though a new me is emerging and I like it Smile

Plus, I'm on track for a rather slender Summer! Woo Hoo!

Original poster
lubeybooby · 08/02/2012 20:45

Not normal behaviour at all, in fact that is assault. I'm not surprised you feel awful :( I'm so sorry

But your twat radar is there, it does work and if it is any comfort to you at all I have never had such a bad experience as that. What I'm getting at is the he is one seriously damaged sicko, worthy of a police report if you feel up to it... and not all men are like that at all in any way shape or form.

Have you ever considered the freedom programme at all via womens aid? Or have you had some help/counselling already? I would recommend it to anyone who has left an abusive relationship

OP posts:
DatingMinefield · 08/02/2012 20:45

X-post feedback.

I think it takes time to adjust from the calming, people pleasing attitude when you've previously had an aggressive partner. You've no obligation to have a date with an obviously angry man, this guy clearly had issues. I am stumped as to what should be the best course of action though.

He sounds entitled and potentially dangerous. Angry

Original poster
lubeybooby · 08/02/2012 20:46

Sorry the above was to feedbackforfree

OP posts:
TimeForMeAndDD · 08/02/2012 20:50

Feedbacks experience is chilling. To get to the point of meeting and him suddenly change into a vile, aggressive git, well, just shows how careful we all have to be and how finely tuned the Twat Radar needs to be too. As we said on the old thread, it's so easy to be taken in by nice words on a screen which could in fact be a pack of lies, we just never really know who we are talking to.

Proceed with caution! Smile

TimeForMeAndDD · 08/02/2012 20:52

Shock feedback I've just seen your post. I agree with lubey, that is assault and if you do feel up to reporting him to the police then you should.

feedbackforfree · 08/02/2012 20:54

Datingminefield, I went into the office today - not my usual one cause I was away and I kept getting flashbacks. I've always been assertive and in control and in this instance, this is the first time in my life that I've withdrawn and considered options because of fear. I've met loads of nice men from dating sites. Met some idiots too but harmless idiots. I don't think he was harmless. He told me stuff last night, his ex wife, his mother, it's almost as if he hates women.

I'm not embarrassed to say that I locked myself in my hotel room, cried and slept very little.

I've been desperate to get to mumsnet to post this because I don't feel I can tell anyone in real life. My daughter's a sexual offences trained police officer and I felt a little like one of her victims last night. He was groping and snatching at me and because he was phsyically strong, I couldn't get away easily. It was my lack of response that seemed to anger him.

Anyway, thank god that he decided I was so awful and unattractive that he walked away finally!

TimeForMeAndDD · 08/02/2012 20:58

Crikey, I can't help but think this guy needs reporting in order to prevent another woman going through what you did feedback. Would your daughter be able to advise you? He sounds dangerous.

Original poster
lubeybooby · 08/02/2012 20:58

He didn't think you were awful and unattractive, feedbackforfree, the scumbag simply has an over entitled problem and an anger problem and several other fucking horrible problems and he clearly can't handle rejection so was hitting out at you verbally because you didn't fawn over him. He is dangerous and the problem is ALL his

It is not you, and not your fault in any way at all. None of it.

OP posts:
Original poster
lubeybooby · 08/02/2012 21:00

I second speaking to your daughter, feedback - or speak to a professional of some kind - rape crisis maybe? Your feelings of violation are valid.

I'm so sorry you had such a horrid experience

OP posts:
Original poster
lubeybooby · 08/02/2012 21:00

and please speak to womens aid and look into the freedom programme too

OP posts:
DatingMinefield · 08/02/2012 21:02

Absolutely feedback, this is NOT your fault and he should be reported. From what you just said, this could have escalated. No doubt he WILL do this again with some other unsuspecting woman.

If someone punched you in the face, you'd call the police. This is no different. It's an assault on your person. Angry

LineRunner · 08/02/2012 21:11

I agree with the others. So sorry this was so horrible for you, feedback.

I will certainly take the advice re the twat radar and say 'No thank you' to the man who is messaging me.

Snapespeare · 09/02/2012 09:10

feedback just wanted to say that I've been thinking about you - what a horrible horrible experience, I hope you are starting to feel slightly better this morning.

watchoutforthatsnail · 09/02/2012 09:14

feedback - im so sorry that happened, and agree with all the others. I would maybe report him to the site.
Highlights the dangers of meeting somone you dont know. reminds us all to meet in a public place, etc...etc. safety is paramount. And to trust your instincts, if they say something is up, something ususally is.

lubey - congrats on the huge weight loss. amazing :)

Spoke to the teacher on the phone last night. Not sure if tomorrow is going to go ahead. We are both dying of bad colds and can hardly breathe. Plus heavy snow is forcast. We are going to play it by ear and see what the score is tomorrow.

You know who ( i need a shorter name) called me last night. he normally texts or Im's me first if hes going to call. So it was weird he did that anyway - esp since we only spoke ( at lenght) monday. I was like ' what do you want, is everything ok' and he said he just wanted to say hi, and to let me know he was thinking of me. and just wanted to speak to me.
urgh.
the man is all loved up - i can tell. i dont think this is a good thing

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