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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

The honing of the twat radars - dating chat thread number 9

999 replies

lubeybooby · 08/02/2012 20:24

Thread got too big so here's a new one :o

All dating, online or otherwise in here please

Chit chat to serious stuff - off we go!

OP posts:
TimeForMeAndDD · 10/02/2012 10:15

Be careful Zany remain aware. My ex was very jealous of my past, I wasn't allowed to mention any male friends/colleagues and he hated my ex husband with a passion, wouldn't allow him to pick up the children from the bottom of the drive or even come down the drive to post the maintenance cheque through the door. He though kept in touch with his ex's, still saw them, had their phone numbers and spoke about them all the time, even telling me in great detail how they performed sexually Hmm I was flattered by the jealousy at first thought it indicated how much he loved me but it got much worse after we moved in together.

I'm not saying this will happen to you, just sharing my experience and urging you to go with your gut instincts.

TimeForMeAndDD · 10/02/2012 10:17

By the way, he may well be feeling insecure, we all feel insecure at times, I didn't like the fact my ex was in touch with his ex's but I understood that I wasn't his jailer, he was a grown man who's decisions and choices I had to trust, any insecurity I felt was my problem to deal with and so I did. Mr Yacht has to do the same.

watchoutforthatsnail · 10/02/2012 10:18

and sorry - mrs cello - i didnt answer your question about what i get out of ykw ( being off work today ive got a bit of time)
Well, i do actually get a lot.This is going to sound so lame - but hes sort of my sliding doors momment into a different life, that i could have had should i have made some different choices. Its also strange, because it seems we frequented a lot of the same places in the last 15 years or so, probably just missed each other.
Also - he sees me differently to anyone else. Im a different me, We can talk about things, like culture and politics and art etc... and hes neither intimidated by me when i do, nor belittles my opions - ive never found anyone i can talk to on the same level. I have an awful habit of hiding that side of me, because i learnt early on that people dont like it, but he does. so i feel very free and accepted for me, which is very very nice. He sees past the ' me' that i present.

Also - i do know that should i really need him, he would be there. Hes helped me through various problems, death in the family, an operation, redundancy, money issues, i cant even remember the whole list. because he ' sees me' i can be totally open about everythign and say things that you wouldnt dream of saying really.

Being a sometimes shallow person, i also quite like the fact that im friends with someone who is doing so well ( shames me to admit that, but it is true) and while part of me likes it the other part has panicked and felt out of my league when ive been invited to dinners with tv presenters and such with him.

I do give the same back to him, or something at least. But least not forget, he is an arse, who has messed me about and then told a massive, massive lie.

Zanywany · 10/02/2012 10:20

My gut instinct is that he is just a bit insecure about things, an ex cheated on him and so he is worried that I will do the same. He said he just wants reassurance from me that I won't cheat which I am happy to give as much as he needs but will still see male friends whether the friendship has always been platonic or whether something happened inthe past.

Thanks for comments

watchoutforthatsnail · 10/02/2012 10:20

zany - times advice is good.
everyone feels insecure at some point, but hes going about it the wrong way and coming across a little bit controlling.

watchoutforthatsnail · 10/02/2012 10:23

zany - that is understandable, but he needs to get it under control. You are not his ex. Tell him this. He needs to accept you as you are, and your friends, and your life - if he wants to be part of it.

TimeForMeAndDD · 10/02/2012 10:24

Having to give constant reassurance that you won't cheat isn't healthy either Zany and that will become wearing and cause issues. I would say you most definitely need to have A Talk and put off moving in with him until he is over his issues with insecurity/jealousy.

watchoutforthatsnail · 10/02/2012 10:26

passes time the award for best advice giver in the world

TimeForMeAndDD · 10/02/2012 10:31

Grin Thank you! That's even better than the JL vouchers!

I won a flying pig candle in a facebook competition last night too. Definitely buying a lottery ticket today Grin

watchoutforthatsnail · 10/02/2012 10:37

a FLYING PIG CANDLE??????

now, this i must see :)

Zanywany · 10/02/2012 10:47

I raise you your flying pig candle as I won a couple of years ago 'best 6 legs' (the dog's 4 and my 2) Grin

TimeForMeAndDD · 10/02/2012 10:50

Grin I will take a pic and post it on FB when it arrives.

'Best 6 legs' Zany, what was the prize for that! Grin

I definitely think my luck is changing, I never won a thing before all this. Getting away from him must have changed my luck for the better!

PoppaRob · 10/02/2012 10:53

From FB pics - Zany I'd have thought you were a 14ish in Aussie sizes and watch I'd guess at an Aussie 12 for normal or a 10 in an LBD.

noluck · 10/02/2012 10:59

Hello may I join in, have been lurking on the other two threads and I'm wavering between laughing and being terrified....I'm mid fifties and my modern knowledge of how things now work in the dating field is perhaps slightly "out of date".

Went on several dates with German Doctor, bit younger than me....lunches, drinks, dinner and then I fell into bed with him....well mind blowing sex...hadn't happened to me like that for donkeys...he has since distanced himself. I feel a bit stupid, but at least I did enjoy the experience.

I'm going to need your precious advice I think.

Me back in the dating game at my age, can't believe it.....

Zanywany · 10/02/2012 10:59

It was at a dog show and we had to show our 6 legs off.

watchoutforthatsnail · 10/02/2012 11:02

hi noluck, just jump in :)

TimeForMeAndDD · 10/02/2012 11:04

Welcome aboard noluck Smile

Well done Zany Grin

Zanywany · 10/02/2012 11:04

Hi noluck and nothing to feel stupid about

watchoutforthatsnail · 10/02/2012 11:05

zany - :)
lol
yes, yes it does. Who could argue with a rossette?

Rob - well, you would be wrong, else you were wrong with your sizes in the first place. Im a uk 14 and shock horror - im short!!!!!! two awful, awful things Biscuit but for some reason men seem to like boobs and a lot little bit of jiggle, so luckly i m ok [ confused]

watchoutforthatsnail · 10/02/2012 11:23

and i have to say - im all excited. The teacher is bringing kraken and a takeaway and ive promised to answer the door in stockings and heels.

Its going to be another awesome night.

:)

TimeForMeAndDD · 10/02/2012 11:31

Sounds like a good night watch. Grin

watchoutforthatsnail · 10/02/2012 11:32

indeed :)

TimeForMeAndDD · 10/02/2012 11:34

I had to google Kraken Blush Grin

watchoutforthatsnail · 10/02/2012 11:44

oh - its rum.
black spiced rum.
its lovely - i have snape to thank for my love of it.

watchoutforthatsnail · 10/02/2012 11:46

yeah, hes not turning up with an actual mythical sea creature.

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