The honing of the twat radars - dating chat thread number 9

[lubeybooby]

Thread got too big so here's a new one :o

All dating, online or otherwise in here please

Chit chat to serious stuff - off we go!

Ha Loves, I've never actually read any of these books or any self help books for that matter, not my thing at all. Just heard about them from my friend. Not sure it's Venus and Mars, that title just sprang to mind, but she has read 'hes just not into you' and a couple of others, and I saw the film 'hjniy' and can see some truth in it from my humble experience of men .

yes save us from self help books!
the deborah cameron book is neither self help nor dating, so excuse me going off on a tangent like that
I'm waiting for some urge to put my profile back up and see if there are any men who look like they might fit the bill, but I just CBA, doesnt seem worth it any more

Well i am back, and it went quite well, we got on really well but i am not exaclt head over heels, at the moment, but definetely a great friend if nothing more! We are both quite down to earth, and a walk in the park doesnt cost a penny!

Sounds good MY. Maybe it could develop into something really good, and if not, nothing lost!

It feels good has to be said. Its nice to get to know some more friends at any rate. I need some more male friends!

Update: There's hope for the free world yet! Oasis/FB friend SMS'd and mentioned her state of horniness. An invitation to visit her was accepted, nakedness ensued... there was much rejoicing. Now we shall see if this affects the friendship.

golly gosh thats good news Poppa Rob :) :) :)

Glad you got your root sweet love makin' Poppa!

poppa - excellent!

Little - so, do you think you will see him again?

So, heres a general question for you all. I was watching the phone sex docu from monday, last night. And a girl said, that ( from doing that) she no longer believed men just had eyes for one woman, and how she now thought most of them were perves and basically idiots. Im not doing phone sex, obviously, but did wonder if maybe the same can be said for online dating?
In that, ive dated alot. I mostly believe the same as she does ( and i know several of us feel that way)
Has online dating ruined that excitment/naievity?
And i dont mean for us, but generally?

Also in that the speed of which you say ' next' and move on. last night i struggled to remember the teachers and big bens actual real names ( it was a big struggle to remember big bens, i had to check my emails to find it)

Im not saying its a bad thing necessarily, because lets face it, i never heard back from either of them, but are we taking a more masculine approach or is this just how it is now, and has it kind of ruined it all a little bit?

watch if by masculine approach you mean not getting emotionally involved then I think women are just as able to do that as men.
Re: naivety being ruined, well I really prefer not to be naive!
It generally leads to being taken advantage of or infantilised.

I've not watched the phone sex doc but would imagine those women have a slightly skewed perception..I mean they tend be be exposed to the sleazy lecherous side of people that is mostly hidden.
We all have aspects of our personalities which are mostly hidden, if someone only saw that parts of me that I mostly hide they'd have a pretty awful impression of me!

ah, but not just applying that to the phone sex doc, i mean in translating that to online dating.
you only tend to see one side of somone... and that doesnt always give a good impression.
And then, you just go NEXT, because its so disposable.
And then men go NEXT as well, for the same reason.

I dont know, was just thinking if its all sort of taken away the magic a little. I certainly know i feel very differently about dating now, and take a more ( yes, maybe educated ) measured and warey approach than i did when i was first back on the dating scene.

'only tend to see one side of somone... and that doesnt always give a good impression.
And then, you just go NEXT, because its so disposable.
And then men go NEXT as well, for the same reason.'
^^yes I agree!
I suppose over time people will adjust to the influence of the net on dating & relationships...I think it'll be interesting to see how it all pans out :)

I think or at least hope it gives women more freedom and more power, dating lots of people means you get better at spotting wrong un's, have much more opportunity to compare & contrast find what you like and dont like.

Historically men have tried to control women's sexuality, we are condemned for being promiscuous etc, the internet makes it much easier for women to be sexually free

i think it does, it can also be rather empowering.

But i do think there is a catch.

( same as the phone sex job, this girl thought it was fab, quit her normal job because she was earning so much, price to pay was that after only a year she didnt like men at all really)

And i just wonder if thats the case with online dating alittle bit.

All of us have at some point wondered if it is us and why the fuck we are single. Most people are now relying on online dating, its advertised all over the place, it has no stigma attached anymore, every one is doing it. yet noone is getting anywhere with it.

i went back online yesterday, space of 3 hours mananged to chat to and get asked out by 6 men. Ridiclous. they are all after a ' date' not a ' date with me'

They have that ' date', i have that ' date' and then go NEXT and after a year i wonder why im not getting anywhere, when really, what did i think was going to happen.

not saying it doesnt work, it does for some, its more luck than anything though.
Also not saying i will give it up, i know if i want a date, i can get one, if i want sex, i can get it ( i just wont rememeber their name or anythng about them the next day)

And i think thats the catch.

I dont know, just made me think......

Watch...I half watched a recording of the phone sex thing this morning. I work from home, and when doing less demanding stuff I sometimes half-watch, iuswim, so based on half my brain: there was also the woman who met a partner via him speaking to her on sex-chat. Granted very early days, could all go tits-up, but she said sometimes people just need to communicate with other people, so i hope that this balances up the undeniably idiotic and peverted who ring up.

Yes, it certainly seems from the online dating stories I have heard (my own experience goes back 20 yrs to the Lonely Hearts column in the paper, but same principle I guess) you gotta shag kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince, and it does seem like it would be very wearing. Haven't started to do it again yet...

Whatever happened to Speed Dating, has t'internet got rid of all that? Seems like you could have at least seen if your Spidey Senses were working...

that was more the point, you have to kiss a lot of frogs, with the internet there are now more frogs to kiss. it IS wearing.... and then kind of looses its magic, looses the bit than makes is special.

And we all shout there was no spark, and go on another date..... lol

its just a cycle.

I just saw paralles with the phone sex thing, that was all. I have no issue with phone sex nor those who use it. lol

Ok, I started above post ages ago, then it froze on my screen, so I saved it by cut and paste so it didn't dissapear...
Another thought about the 'magic' bit of dating. You don't see these people, so you are unable to edit out the people you might never find attractive, which you would in RL. Profile pics aree notoriously unreliable I am told... So, down to basic maths, you are meeting lots of frogs in order to (potentially) get to the prince. In RL, this would all take longer, but some people would remove themselves from the Dating Arena, for you, with much less effort (online talking, messaging etc). So statistically, your chances of success are reduced, so maybe one's expectations need to be lower to prevent burn out?!

Also, although 'old' style dating maybe did seem more romantic/magical, maybe it took longer for the cracks to show. In this way, if you can stand it, I think you get the job done quicker. Maybe we should have a checklist for stuff in emails/profiles that should rule out a meeting. Say you get three of them and you're out. Dating Bingo anyone?

Cross posts Watch...did not think you were phonesex ist at all!

Just need to add, the thought of putting myself Out There at the moment frightens me to death. Too vulnerable at the moment, but who knows in the future.

I'm waiting for the advances in technology which will bring me a fully functional lifelike robot lover..switch him off and put him in the cupboard when he's not needed

But seriously...online interaction may well progress in ways which make dating and online socialising in general more like real life interaction

Interesting conversation with Oasis/FB friend. She'd been on Oasis and PoF for two years and then gave up. She said she met plenty of guys but none of them asked her out for a second "date", so she figured she was undateable and/or unattractive and gave up. If you're on my FB friend list look for RT to see a pic. I know beauty is in the eye of the beholder but I think she's attractive.

When I met her two years ago she was on her way to a job interview, and I thought she was a bit distracted but understandably so. Most of the conversation was me giving her a pep talk and coaching her for the job. We both have a background in hardware (as in nuts and bolts etc.) so we had that in common. I SMS'd her thanking her for the meet and wishing her well with the job. She SMS'd me next day and said she had the job. We'd swapped the odd message for over a year but she never intimated that she saw me as a friend so I left it at that. About a year later she asked me to go to a family do with her which I did, but it was very uncomfortable, so once again I left it alone.

We swapped a few messages on FB or by SMS over the next year or so and as I mentioned a few weeks ago she asked for advice about leaving her job. As I mentioned a few pages back we caught up for a drink and once again it was fun but nothing that I expected to lead to anything. Then I get the SMS and the rest is history.

Turns out she liked me but was expecting me to make the move(s), and she told me about her deciding she was undateable/unnattractive. It turns out the family do had gone downhill by the time I got there and a drunk uncle was being a knob hence the awkwardness. The deal was just a one time bonk, but half an hour later she was talking about next time. I joked about having to wait another 3 years and she went quiet and said she'd actually like to see where it takes us! Now I'm chuffed that there's perhaps a potential relationship, but it makes me wonder if she and the guys she met were all on different pages, if they were a bit daunted by the fact that she's a woman working in a traditionally male field as manager in a hardware store, or something else. I'm not complaining, even though I was obviously not her first choice of potential partner - the friendship had just evolved to the point where she was confident enough and had enough vodkas to put the hard word on me. It was a classic case of her asking why we hadn't done this 3 years ago... I kept my answer to myself! :)

I saw the phone sex programme too, was half watching it. I couldn't do it as I would end up pmsl half was through at some of these men, wearing nappies etc.

Not everyone is online dating, I know a few single people who wouldn't try it or have done and think it's a load of bollocks. I find the dates that I've been on rather clinical. Saying that there has been a spark with a couple of men I've met online so I can see how it can work. Meeting a lot of frogs to find a prince requires a lot of effort, or you might just strike lucky. It's just hit and miss, same with the old fashioned way.

Poppa, you should have asked her out. Most women prefer to be asked than to do the asking. She thought you didn't fancy her. You've wasted a bit of time but maybe the time wasn't right earlier.

Hope it works out for you both.

My little, glad you might have found a new friend.

Go Poppa!

Watch I dunno, I think internet dating has made a lot of us more cynical, for eg when both the vanisher and the one who broke my heart got back in touch my RL friends (who are mostly coupled up) mostly said to give them another chance, whereas people on this thread without exception told me not to see them.

And you do kind of have to develop a thick skin, so you don't get hurt by someone vanishing, or not wanting to see you again. I know in my area there are very few attractive men on dating sites, but lots and lots of attractive women so the few decent men have a vast pool to chose from and so are more likely to be picky and move quickly on to the next one if something doesn't tick a box.

But I guess it also depends how you go about it, for some people it's all about going on lots of dates, others are very selective, for some it's about having nsa sex, others are looking for The One, some people chat to anyone, others ignore most people...

I think it's a good thing to get rid of some of the naivety, but I try hard not to start thinking every man is going to mess me around because I don't want to be that cynical. I'm more aware of the signs, and more likeyl to act on them I guess but generally try to believe that a man I'm dating is into me, unless the signs point to the contrary. Does that make sense?

poppa international high fiving! :)

Internet dating is weird though - if people are honest then we all know why we're there and that does ruin the mystery a little - but we live in changing times and I'm pushing on a bit - all the 'good' men are taken or gay or stupid (passing nod at PM) people have different expectations because of the prevalence of internet dating and the possible lack of stigma these days. I think it is immediate and disposable. You do have to wade through the frogs. thats how it is.

I think i've liked people more through traditional ways of meeting (courses, trains etc...) than internetty people. I don't know if, in the back of my head I think that's because it's easier to disappear - hide your profile, block a number etc on the internet than change jobs, move house never see someone again if you don't want to.

anyway, lovely night last night, I have a very sore head. :)

hows the hangover now?

Got an email earlier, ' what do you look like?'

I reply with a few pics and ' this'

he replies ' drinks?'

I reply ' yes'

Screams player, good looking player, but player.

I dont know if i should be offended or just go.