The honing of the twat radars - dating chat thread number 9

[lubeybooby]

Thread got too big so here's a new one :o

All dating, online or otherwise in here please

Chit chat to serious stuff - off we go!

hangover beaten into submission by a brace of marlboro light and last nights curry, slung in a lunchbox and eaten at my desk. :)

it was an utterfly fabulous night, I have the best friend in the world. I am particularly fond of him when he always without fail forgets to wear a belt and his jeans creep downwards in direct proportion to the amount of wine consumed.

you utterly have to go for drinks with this chap. If I'm not getting any for the foreseeable future, I demand that you get my share as well as your own.

still think youi should club him over hte head and drag him abck to your cave bed

Yes, but, i only got laid on sunday. AND, clearly he has no interest in ME, just he thinks im attractive.
The feminist in me is offended. The girl with the feck it attitude likes his style.
Its an internal battle. :)

im not free until next weekend in any case and i expect he will be bored by then.

Go Poppa!

I think you can get jaded with internet dating and I do think we lose some of the real life dating nuances ie you meet someone in real life and there is 'something' about them - maybe looks or personality or something you can't put your finger on - with online dating, you look firstly at the picture

I know I am guilty of dismissing people through a pic and I still do it even though I have met people and they have been so much nicer in person. I go through phases of dating like crazy and doing absolutely nothing. But I don't meet people in real life due to work, family and all my friends being in couples so I rarely go out. It's internet or nothing for me

I've been absent from this thread for a while but looking for opinions on something and it's long...

I've been meeting up with hotbutdim every week since January. We have a drink, chat, laugh, watch tv and end the night with great sex. TMI warning coming up!!!!

Sex so far has been - snogging, him head down for about 30 mins which equals a very satisfied me then him kneeling and pumping for a bit to satisfy him, bodies not touching much. It's nice but not lovey in any way (but not cold ifyswim) Then we have a coffee and more convo sitting close but not together, I order a cab and we kiss on the lips goodbye. I text him when I'm home and then no real contact until a day before the next meet

Until last night, everything the same up til the pumping - which was totally different. I felt like he couldn't get closer if he tried, much more kissing, actually tender and went on much longer. He then sat arms around me while we had the coffee and convo. Then we had round 2 which was much the same as round 1

After more chat I said I need to go home - he looked like I had stamped on his puppy lol It was 4am. So cab comes and I get a huge cuddle, kiss on lips and then a backward cuddle and kiss on the neck. I almost had to peel him off

This morning a text telling me his free days/nights this week, which sadly I can't see him due to the work/family thing

Something has changed which is nice, but I really don't have the time to see him more. He makes a lovely friend (with benefits or without) but we are so totally different people, a relationship would never work. I am much more attracted to his face and body than his mind (which sounds terrible) but he is good company

So do I continue and put last night down to him needing a little bit more and see what happens? I like what we have and don't want to change things (though the different sex was very very nice) I know it's only one night of different but it was hugely different and now I'm confused

you need to have a talk. pronto! :)

in the first half of your message it almost sounds as if you're a bit annoyed that he 'kneels and pumps' instead of any closer contact, you acknowledge that the change is 'nice' - that's good, but you don't see any real long term prospect of a more traditional relationship, because that wouldn't work. is that a fair summary?

I think the problem is that the closer, more tender less 'technical' sex comes with starting to like someone a bit more, when emotion starts to get involved. You don't seem to want an emotional context to the relationship, so I think you need to reassert your boundaries, say that you do like him a lot, but don't really see it as a long term thing & can't really commit to more time than you are spending with him at the moment.

Does he see anyone else?

watch I was perilously close last night to a lunge on a couple of occasions. lunges are not allowed = friendship out of window, no more checking his arse out, kids would miss him, not good. I suffer in silence (except on the internet, where I bleat like a pathetic shadow of a woman)

...watch so you only got laid on sunday. I'm not really understanding the crux of your argument.

tell him you're not free until next weekend, if he's still interested, all well and good. There's been an appreciable period to think about it... and you don't actually have to shag him. As far as i am aware there aren't any laws about it...

I just think this is a little weird, joined oasis earlier, and had a bit of interest, i was texting someone and all of a sudden I get a message saying he loves me, the weird thing is in particular, its not even the chap i met yesterday! Freaking a little, but he seems really quite harmless.

Be careful Miracle won't you...

Oh i am, already freaking. I mean okay if the chap i saw yesterday had text to say he really liked me or something, i would have been flattered, he did text to say he had a great time and thank you, but this is a little much imo, maybe a little too full on, i am not stupid or anything and wondered if it had anything to do with the ex?

MyLittleMiracle - I would very much doubt it has anything to do with your ex. There are just many weirdos.

Plenty of psychos out there then! GREAT, perfect, from one to another! i do not think so!

MLM, dont freak girl! he sounds like a pratt who is best ignored:)

Probably right, at least the chap yesterday was nice, not a psycho and we had a good chat and a laugh, i felt good walking next to him, and i knew people were looking!

Oh wow he just broke up with me like i was a proper girlfriend, weird, think the other new chap is much more well to put it gently SANE!

Then text another freakish message. strange. weird person

Miracle, who was the one the strange messages came from? The Oasis one, or the date one?

miracle - who are the messages coming from?

men who declare undying love ( or any strong feelings ) before meeting, are just plain idiots and are likely to be unhinged. There is no need to freak, just block and delete and dont give it a seconds thought.

mrs cello - hmm, does sound like maybe he is wanting more, but if you really arent, then its best to be honest, and just to tell him thats all you can do right now. Its then up to him what he wants to do.

confused mlm. Who broke up with you?? And who was texting?

MsC sounds like he could have developed feelings, I guess if you're really not interested in that way then you'll have to tell him.

MsC, it sounds like hotbutdim has had a surge of emotional attachment hormones and may switch to lost puppy mode!

we are close to the end of this thread now...
ideas for the next one?

I nominate ' fuck him, and his barbour - dating chat 10'

And sponge - if you are about, i do hope you are ok.

I think 'fuck him and his barbour' succinctly captures the essence of internet dating
(and also hope Sponge is ok!)

littlemiracle - does this person have your number? I'd be careful who I gave my number to. If it is just a message on the site, then block and delete and give him no further thought

Fuck him and his babour gets my vote

Hotbutdim update
Well, apart from a small text last night and a joke one today, it's all back to normal so far

I'm hoping he was just hormonal and just felt a bit needy the other night. I've never asked him who else he is seeing and he hasn't asked me, we're both still on POF as faves so he knows how often I go on there and he logs on at least once a day

I have to see him again as I borrowed two DVDs off him, so will see what happens next time. hopefully it was just a surge of needyness

Oh, so much going on!

Next date lined up for next Tuesday. Think he is going to be be same height as me, but trying not to let that put me off!

Just briefly back to the discussion, I think internet dating is a bit soulless & can easily be played by those looking to work the system, so to speak - although probably no more than a crowded bar on a Friday night.

I think you have to watch out for yourself & be really clear in your own head what you are looking for. If you really do want to just shag & have fun, then that is fine & you are unlikely to end up hurt. If you want a serious relationship, then be serious about yourself. Be careful, get to know the person in real life - not just their online/text persona. Don't shag too soon - not because it is wrong - but IMO, women & men approach sex slightly differently & if you are looking for a full on relationship, women tend to see sex as sealing the deal, whereas men don't. Am generalising here.

...... and yes, anyone who declares they love someone they've never met, is a nutter! ;-)

The oasis one, i have spoken to the one i dated, and got kisses at the end of my texts, but yes, stupidly i gave my number out!!! MISTAKE! He has left me alone though now, so no real harm done, the one on oasis seemed to think we were an item!! NOPE, i belong to no one, ever!

As to an idea for the new name, how about the strange, the weird and the damn right sexy?

started the new thread :)