Hi Ladybird
I could be one of your children and my parents are exactly like you and (D)H. I was 19 and at Uni. My little brother was at home (pet rabbit though!!)
He lied and lied and made my mum feel so worthless. He told her she was fat and ugly, that it was her fault the family business was failing. She was a useless heap of a woman with no self belief or worth.
Their divorce was so acrimonious, my dad argued she wasn't entitled to his pension, half the house value, any of his business assets as they were all his.
The judge ruled 50 50 on everything. The judge froze their bank accounts as dad was emptying them.
My mum had lived this blinkered sheltered life. She thought they had it all, big house, fast cars, lots of money, loads of friends in village pub.
After the divorce, she was amazed at everyone telling her thank god she had got rid of that useless bastard. No-one ever liked him.
The law is on your side. You may have to sell up the house, but you are entitled to 50% of everything. Including the value of that stupid sports car he bought!
So whilst you are dying inside and the screaming inside your head is so loud, you can't even think, you need to get practical.
Paperwork, assests, call the bank and freeze credit cards and accounts.
Get a solicitor.
Then be calm. Do not lose it at him. Do not throw things at him. Do not talk to him.
Ignore him. DO not do his washing or cooking. Tell him to sleep in a different room.
Tell him is that you are getting a divorce for unreasonable behaviour and that you would like to tell the children together calmly.
And please please do not live your divorce out in the presence of your children. No matter what he says or does. Hold that bitter tongue and be the better person.
15 years on for my parents....
Mum remarried, still rich, incredibly happy. Made her mother proud!
Dad remarried a Russian woman my age, one son, no money miserable as sin.
Us kids? It hurt like hell. My sister has spent time on Anti D probably caused by the divorce. My brother is a crap father but he would have been anyway because his dad was a crap role model.
But the three of us are close. We choose to see my dad when he behaves himself.
We all see my mum weekly with her various grandchildren.
Be strong and be a better person than he is.