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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband going AWOL

215 replies

ladybird69 · 05/02/2012 21:22

Hi Newbie here, I just need some advice :-( going through a bad patch and husband of 26 yrs keeps going away to get his head together! BUT he takes no clothes with him or brings any back, plus now he doesnt even take his shaver etc!!!! what do you think? i know what my gut feelings are but should i give him the benefit of the doubt as per usual? thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
ladybird69 · 05/02/2012 23:15

he is very clever, manipulating with children!!! basically evrything i say is lies!!!
hes not coming back tonight! because of snow be tomorrow, if i'm lucky!
no one in RL believes me, cause he's mr wonderful, ie what have I done to upset him!!!

OP posts:
ShineYourButtonsWithBrasso · 05/02/2012 23:16

No one called you a troll, the only troll talk was by serin8 & SHT* and they were taliming about not doing it.

Yes, I do find it unbelievable but only because I haven't known anything like it before, I'm still here to offer crap advice support though.

Your DH sounds very controllig and you do know that your time is now served and you need a plan to get out, a subtle plan.

Keep posting.

ClaraSage · 05/02/2012 23:16

It would be more believable if the children were still young, but 2 of them are adults and the other 2 teens. Surely they would not stand by and watch their mother being treated like this?

doinmummy · 05/02/2012 23:18

You say that no one believes you because he is such a 'nice' bloke but you said earlier that everyone hates him even your Dr.

Gay40 · 05/02/2012 23:18

If ever there was a thread for the SAHPs to read, this was it.

ShineYourButtonsWithBrasso · 05/02/2012 23:19

Bloody Ipad, serin and SHT

Original poster
ladybird69 · 05/02/2012 23:20

Bless you 'Shine' you've made me blub :-(
GP has muttered hateful man as she prescribed ADs,
Nonno, as he's kept me preg and tied to kitchen sink, Ive had no input to how he spends money!!! ie I'm at carboots buying baby things, he's buying motorbikes and sports cars!!!

OP posts:
doinmummy · 05/02/2012 23:21

You said your family hate him so cant they help you? i really think you need some help.

Original poster
ladybird69 · 05/02/2012 23:23

Clara, he manipulates them, gives them money etc
Doin, Joeblogs etc man in pub, thinks he's great bloke/laugh, yet people who've been around steer well clear.

OP posts:
Original poster
ladybird69 · 05/02/2012 23:25

Doin, I come from broken home, think thats why I've put up with crap for such long time, don't wanna be failure. But can't be abused any longer :-(

OP posts:
Lueji · 05/02/2012 23:25

hes not coming back tonight! because of snow be tomorrow, if i'm lucky!

Lucky?
You should be changing locks and putting all his stuff outside, really.

Lucky you he walked out on you.

SaggyOldClothCatPuss · 05/02/2012 23:27

Call your solicitor first thing in the morning.

ClaraSage · 05/02/2012 23:27

lady, please answer my question about your 2 older children. What do they say about his behaviour?

Original poster
ladybird69 · 05/02/2012 23:28

Lueji, in my dreams I'm filling black sacks and filling garage!!!

OP posts:
doinmummy · 05/02/2012 23:28

I wouldn't worry about what 'joe blogs in the pub' thinks, your frinds and family all hate him and always have as you said previously...they are the ones you should be turning to. I doesn't matter anyway what anyone else thinks. It's what you want that counts.

Original poster
ladybird69 · 05/02/2012 23:30

Clara 2 older children are sons, tbh 1 son doesnt talk about it, 2nd son is a player and his fathers son if you understand!

OP posts:
ClaraSage · 05/02/2012 23:31

My dad used to verbally abuse my mother, went out a lot, left her at home with us kids, etc., However, as we grew up we began to stand up to him and he had to back off and change or risk losing us all. He was fine with us, a very good dad, just awful to our mother. That's why I don't fully believe all you re telling us. Sorry!

TheSecondComing · 05/02/2012 23:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
ladybird69 · 05/02/2012 23:32

Doin, Hubby the one who's ordering champagne any excuse!!! but god forbid kids need anything for school!!! says it all really
time to wake up eh

OP posts:
ShineYourButtonsWithBrasso · 05/02/2012 23:32

I didn't mean to make your cry but I do hope the situation is becoming clearer for you.

I need my bed but I will check in tomorrow evening.

Let us know if you feel safe posting as there are non tracable (?) parts of MN we can go to.

Night.

Original poster
ladybird69 · 05/02/2012 23:34

Clara, hubby abuses me in bedroom!!! tells kids mums got migraineAGAIN!

OP posts:
Original poster
ladybird69 · 05/02/2012 23:34

Bless you Shine will keep in touch x

OP posts:
Original poster
ladybird69 · 05/02/2012 23:36

Clara, he couldnt stand kids when they were babies, now they're older going to clubs he wants to be buddies with them,

OP posts:
olgaga · 05/02/2012 23:38

The kids must know this situation is not right. He is abusive and controlling. No wonder you feel so undermined and powerless.

Talk to your GP if you can't talk to anyone else. See a solicitor. Get help from anywhere you can.

You could also call the Women's Aid helpline:
www.womensaid.org.uk/

ClaraSage · 05/02/2012 23:42

All very worrying.
But it was my brothers who stood up to my dad. So I don't really see what you 2 olders being boys makes a difference .
You say the elder 2 are at Uni, does he support them in any way?

PS; MNHQ gone a bit nutty again deleting posts?
Nothing untoward in them except perhaps comparing OP's comment about wanting a fairy tale life to being more like a Bros. Grimm tale!
Get a grip MNHQ, very random!