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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband going AWOL

215 replies

ladybird69 · 05/02/2012 21:22

Hi Newbie here, I just need some advice :-( going through a bad patch and husband of 26 yrs keeps going away to get his head together! BUT he takes no clothes with him or brings any back, plus now he doesnt even take his shaver etc!!!! what do you think? i know what my gut feelings are but should i give him the benefit of the doubt as per usual? thanks

OP posts:
ButWhyIsTheGinGone · 05/02/2012 22:57

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

doinmummy · 05/02/2012 22:58

Shine thats how it comes across to me.

ShineYourButtonsWithBrasso · 05/02/2012 22:58

X post.

Do you have anywhere else you can go, Do you have DC?

doinmummy · 05/02/2012 22:59

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

ShineYourButtonsWithBrasso · 05/02/2012 23:00

I really hope I haven't wasted an eveing on this Hmm

serin · 05/02/2012 23:01

......and what if it's not?

You know the policy on troll hunting.

doinmummy · 05/02/2012 23:01

OP has disappeared

doinmummy · 05/02/2012 23:02

Whats Troll hunting ?

SHThread · 05/02/2012 23:03

doin a troll is a poster that makes stuff up to get attention

doinmummy · 05/02/2012 23:04

oh ok...why would anyone want to that ??? Takes all sorts I guess.

serin · 05/02/2012 23:06

Accusing posters of making things up for attention.

OP has stated she is shitscared of him, I am not surprised she has left the thread.

And FWIW, I know several people with multiple cars.

SHThread · 05/02/2012 23:06

This may not be a troll though. We don't know. If it isn't we may have scared off a very vulnerable woman who will need support.

ClaraSage · 05/02/2012 23:06

Strange.

Original poster
ladybird69 · 05/02/2012 23:07

doinmummy on Anti-Ds because of his behaviour over last few months(Dr hates him)
SHthread, um yes he is older, his previous girlfriend was a bitch and he needed taking care of..... fast forward 26 yrs!
Shine your buttons, I have been SAHM so have had absolutley no say over money, apart from begging when the kids needed new clothes!!! I have had light bulb moment over christmas, but just needed to confirm that its not me being too demanding....... as if!
Serin, he has never touched me apart from shoving and grabbing but he uses custody of children against me if I answer him back.

OP posts:
doinmummy · 05/02/2012 23:09

You need legal advice and help to sort your feelings out.

Original poster
ladybird69 · 05/02/2012 23:09

Def not a troll just a very trusting, soft stupid woman! honestly

OP posts:
oikopolis · 05/02/2012 23:10

shoving and grabbing is physical assault and is illegal. you could lay a charge against him for that. you could call the police and have him removed from your home for assaulting you. You are in a situation of domestic violence and need to get out, and ensure that your children are no longer exposed to this.

serin · 05/02/2012 23:10

The children are old enough to make their own minds up re; who they want to live with.

isitmidnightalready · 05/02/2012 23:10

By my reckoning, it's sunday night (and was when OP started the thread) and so she shoud be greeting mister ladybird and sniffing his aftershave... Didn't sound like he was imminent or had just got back. Curious.

ClaraSage · 05/02/2012 23:10

Lady, surely your older children are aware of his behaviour and are concerned.

olgaga · 05/02/2012 23:11

I think OP is genuine, actually, however unlikely it all sounds. I may be wrong of course, but she's certainly not the only woman in the world to find she seems to have outlived her usefulness. Even in this day and age.

Original poster
ladybird69 · 05/02/2012 23:12

SHthread thanks for your understanding
Serin. my hubby is petrol head he lives for cars!!!
He doesnt love me or care about me does he?

OP posts:
isitmidnightalready · 05/02/2012 23:12

sorry OP - cross post - you seemed to have disappeared.

Start using his absences to look through some legal and financial info and try to get you hands on some future security, by way of access to your joint cash.

doinmummy · 05/02/2012 23:12

You must have discussed all this with your GP then so at least you have told
someone in RL. What did GP say ? Did he suggest counselling?

NonnoMum · 05/02/2012 23:13

You have stayed with a man that your children can't stand? And he can't be trusted to look after them????

And he regularly absolves himself of all family responsibilities every weekend without any explanation?

And he spends the household income on luxury items (car) that you can neither use nor have access to?

And he has physically pushed you?

Not sure if this is a marriage...