Anyone seen the new MN section on surviving an affair?

[Dozer]

The info on there does not accord with the advice oft given on here.

I don't like it, smacks of pleasing-your-man.

Yeah, it's a disorder. wds: wandering dick syndrome considered by sufferers sexperts to be incurable although castration there is a surgical operation that can miraculously alleviate the symptoms instantly.

That's what I thought too higgle...so I cooked, cleaned, went to work, looked after the children, got preened and plucked, rubbed his back, laughed at his jokes, took his mother and granny out for lunch, sucked his dick and darned his socks. I also stayed slim and fit, maintained an optimistic and interesting persona and offered a superb selection of home cooking, baking and entertainment. I paid for expensive gadgets, foreign holidays and cars, provided an on-call answer service alongside my full time job, gave help and support for every new venture or idea, nursed all his many ailments and was always careful to drop everything for any emergencies that DH might have. I was sensitive to his mood changes and his artistic sensitivities, forgave his ranting, his jealousy and over-reactions and put him first every time. And, of course, it goes without saying, I was regularly decked out in a babydoll nightdress, stockings and sky-high heels (for his eyes only). It was bloomin' hard work I can tell you. But still it wasn't enough...he didn't feel I gave him enough attention...he was flattered that other women were interested in him...he'd been suffering you see from such low esteem. When he was unfaithful my first reaction was to...you guessed it...think up some new recipes, get a hair-cut and offer more blow-jobs. Did this work....erm what do you think???

...but I'm not bitter. If anyone knows any of those 'money earning wankers' that higgle's mates don't want any more...send them over to me!

Eeew it's awful!
Tips for improving your marriage: take up rock climbing together ?

I'm going out this evening so can't respond at length, of course some men are total twunts and behave very badly to their partners, but they are not the only ones who have affairs. I'm merely saying it would not always be wrong to say something is missing at home.

Twatface had many affairs, I am beautiful. Men tend to drop things and stutter & go red in the face when I'm around.

I stayed slender & interesting & worked & nursed him thro his many imagined ailments. I also did everything he demanded. Including having my girls bathed and in bed when he got home from work.

If any future partner ever had an affair on me, I'd walk away, with the entire contents of our bank account. Before he did it to me.

Twatface was also abusive. He is also ugly.

Clearly I should have been the one having the affair in that relationship.

Basically a guy having an affair whilst married does it because he can, because society is conditioned to blame the wimmin, the wife the OW not poor twatface who has problems keeping his dick in his pants & regularly exposes the women he's sleeping with to nasty STD's.

I'm not upset at all being divorced from ex (I instigated divorce proceedings, he kept telling the courts the marriage was fine divorce was not required ).

I do however take massive exception to being blamed for another persons actions. He behaved abhorrently it is totally his fault ain't nobody gonna convince me the autonomous actions of a grown man were my fault, fuck that!

Fuzzy - couldn't agree more!

Funnily enough, since my DH's been living on benefits in a rented flat and OW has blown him out he's really started to appreciate me and all that our relationship meant. He said he never realised what a good woman he had...Awww bless...

@Charbon

Glad that some of this content has been deleted, but some of it is still awful, especially in the 'Is it ever okay to have an affair' section. That still has the message that there must be 'deep-seated' problems in the relationship for an affair to happen, with the implication too that the faithful partner is at fault. And it's still suggesting that date nights and talking about football might solve the problem.

Elsewhere, there's still that poster's quote about men and women being different and this is repeated in the Emotional Affairs section, suggesting that men view no-sex affairs differently. Try telling that to a man who was recently in the Relationships section posting about his wife's emotional affair .

This is as insulting to men, as it is to women.

I'd suggest taking the whole section down completely until you can get someone better to write it.

Hi, apologies for absence, I've been out and about. Yes, agreed, we'll be taking down the "Ever Ok to Have an Affair" for a re-write. Not sure where the evidence re men and women being different stuff is from but we will check and amend if it's unfounded.

I don't agree that we can't produce content on relationships - we've done a fair amount before in the MN Books based on collective wisdom as well as on other controversial subjects in the parenting domain. There is a lot of useful/ true to MN stuff in the Relationships content we've just put up. But the Affairs content isn't right and we will do something about it soonest.

lego why are you namechecking me ?

I don't put myself forward as any sort of expert, nor as supplying any definitive "guide" (like MN has, very badly indeed)

I namechecked you too, but i did myself as well so fair dos.

Nothing personal af, I know you don't. It's other people that were, I was just responding to that.

ok, lego, fairy nuff

They shouldn't do it either ...

I may be a reg on the Relationships board, and rather bossy, but I am quite aware not everyone agrees with me (I would have to be blind an' fick to not notice that...)

I was joking about AF writing it. That's why it was crossed out.

There really ought to be the main reasons for affairs listed on that page, with an uninterested/unloving/selfish partner being at the bottom of the list , it's been shown time after time on here that a marriage doesn't have to be in trouble for an affair to happen.

I will admit that over the last couple of years I've changed my stance, I was one of the (majority of ) people who believed that an affair doesn't happen in a happy and solid marriage but now I see that problems often begin after a person has decided to get into an affair.

As WWIFN always used to say - it's the person who isn't giving to their marriage who is more likely to have the affair and it's not because they aren't getting their needs met.

joking?

joking?

what is WRONG with you?

I must have missed a page of this thread

higgle - while it may be true that some men (and women) who have affairs are looking for something that is missing from their relationship, it is certainly not a valid excuse for having one!

Well Hully, if AF, or you for that matter, wrote the affair section it might end up a leeetle bit one dimentional, a leetle bit unbalanced, and lets face it, fucking short

Oh yes, I know it was all jokey etc. I mainly have the same stance anyway. It's just this whole ridiculous idea that mn seems to have that one size fits all.

What remains of the article, is still very piss poor!

oh great! i know you could put the banner ads for sex toys and the botox adverts at the top of it. any other gems in the pipe line?

there was a woman on here recently whose husband had been unfaithful with a prostitute in order to have anal sex that his wife wouldn't consent to. she was actually doubting whether she'd driven him to it. can you imagine if she'd read that shit?

mnhq - how did this happen - are you saying no one from your team read this? i don't understand how something this offensive could make it on site without a red flag going off. which only leaves the depressing thought that maybe this is the kind of ideology mnhq subscribes to? i really hope not.

please bin the article. you can't polish a turd to put it crudely.

yes, Norma my contribution would be very short "leave the fucker"

as would hully's "kill him"

the best would be WWIFN's

but even that sage and wonderful advice was trashed as shite by a few people

so meh

santa, that thread you are referring to was shocking in the extreme

for that woman to infer (after reading this "advice") that it was her fault her husband shagged another woman up the arse because she wouldn't consent to it, makes me feel physically ill

yes - what could she do to fulfill his needs that aren't being met? pathetic advise.

i seriously do not understand how something that shite gets to 'print' especially when it relates to such a sensitive topic.

advice damn it!!