Anyone seen the new MN section on surviving an affair?

[Dozer]

The info on there does not accord with the advice oft given on here.

I don't like it, smacks of pleasing-your-man.

I think you are absolutley right snail. Unless you have been there it is very difficult to get your head around what really happens in the dynamics of a relatonship where one partner is having an affair.

The MN 'advice' smacks of being written by someone who has no experience of what they are writing about, with little editorial control from elsewhere.

If MN cant ge the quality right, and it is obvious they are struggling on this, then maybe this just isnt the way to go. Or get 'advice' peer reviewed by a couple of real experts before posting it.

Basil, I think mumsnet should actually use that question when they are next interviewing :o

Yes, and to basically say ' its your fault' when someone is so low, their self estem shattered, self worth disolved into nothing, and their world, which they thought was one thing, suddenly appearing to be something quite different, well... you cant say that.

Added into which, there also might be other issues such as emotional or physical abuse.

You have to be very careful with advice that is given out....

Elastamum:

Unless you have been there it is very difficult to get your head around what really happens in the dynamics of a relatonship where one partner is having an affair.

That's intrigueing. Say more?

I am quite impressed that Justine was here like a shot & listening :)

Will reserve any further judgement until I see much better advice ... as offered by Relate, which is after all the expert body.

Glad that some of this content has been deleted, but some of it is still awful, especially in the 'Is it ever okay to have an affair' section. That still has the message that there must be 'deep-seated' problems in the relationship for an affair to happen, with the implication too that the faithful partner is at fault. And it's still suggesting that date nights and talking about football might solve the problem.

Elsewhere, there's still that poster's quote about men and women being different and this is repeated in the Emotional Affairs section, suggesting that men view no-sex affairs differently. Try telling that to a man who was recently in the Relationships section posting about his wife's emotional affair .

This is as insulting to men, as it is to women.

I'd suggest taking the whole section down completely until you can get someone better to write it.

Justine - I agree with charbon.

Take it down and let AF someone review and rewrite it.

Seconded.

FFS. Why is that shit still there?

People will start to call us Stepfordsnet. Or doormatsnet or something. The shame.

Fourthed (?)

Stepfordnet. Love it!

Fifthed.

I'll write it.

Short and sweet:

Kill him.

Or AF:

Leave him

I also agree with Charbon.

Whilst I'm glad Justine has responded to & apparently taken on board some of the criticisms here I don't think a few minor deletions are going to cut the mustard. The whole piece needs to be removed. MNHQ can then re-evaluate the situation and commission AnyFucker to rewrite it replace it with new copy that more accurately reflects the information, advice and support offered by the Relationships board or decide that it would be better to have no editorial content on this subject and let the boards speak for themselves.

Over several years I've know three women who have husbands who have cheated on them. One was overweight, had devoted virtually all her spare time to playgroups and other child centred pastimes for several years and treated her husband as a money earning nuisance. One had proposed to her husband on leap year day and she conceded he had been difficult to get up the aisle, she didn't like any of his friends. One thought that over 40's shouldn't be interested in sex and felt her husband was unusual for wanting it. I wouldn't entirely disagree with the assertion that men who have affairs are looking to meet a need that can't or isn't being met within the marriage.

I actually don't think Mumsnet as a brand should give any "advice" on relationships. Its not like recipes or weaning or financial or legal advice.

And yes I am stepping over that post from Higgle in much the same way as you would step over a doggy deposit on the pavement.

I don't think anyone should rewrite it. Nothing against af. But her views I mainly agree with. Not everyone will, her advice and words aren't everyone's idea of the right thing. It's just as bad as saying mnhq speaks for a certain board.

Such is the beauty, or was of mn. Not one person has the overall right to try and give the consensus of opinion, or speak for the majority. That's why these stupid articles fall flat. Trying to give a one fits all, stepford wife type advice.

That's not mn. I said earlier. Either written by the press for the press by a journo from the cosmopolitan school of writing. Or a stepford wife in her ivory tower totally missing the whole point of what the site was for originally.

If you don't put anything in to your relationship and make your partner unhappy then inevitably they will be at risk of temptation. I have generally worked in predominantly female working environments and the three cases cited have been of colleagues who just wanted to get things off their chests with people they worked with. Of course we were sympathetic as to the situation they found themselves in, but my views were in each case the general consensus.

How many affairs have you had Higgle ?

None, I have been very happily married for nearly 30 years and have two wonderful nearly grown up DCs. I know that marriage is hard work sometimes and that you need (both of you need) to meet the needs of your spouse.

Sometimes, Higgle, it's just because your partner is a self-centred immature wanker.

soup - yes. it is.

Which is why blanket advice is rubbish and could be so devestating to some women.

Now look, this isn't fair. The poor men are SEX-ADDICTS. It's a condition, innit?