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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DP's emotional affair with friends DP, now 'innocent' photos on fb

212 replies

MudAndGlitter · 11/01/2012 18:06

Bit of background- shortly after I had DS, DP became very close to his best friends pregnant partner. There were texts, facebook messages and they spent most of their time alone together. We split up as he said he had fallen in love with her but maintains all that happened was a kiss. She denies the kiss. He moved out and went to stay with best friend and this woman. They all fell out, he moved back in with me and we went on to have DD.

For the past year or so he's been back to being friends with his best friend and of course this means the woman as well. I've told him it makes me uncomfortable yet he refuses not to reply to her texts, answer her calls or stop going round there. I thought I could deal with it as I don't have any right to say he can't talk to someone.
I've just been on facebook and this woman has uploaded recent pics of her and my DP larking around- her bent over whilst he pretends to shag her (fully clothed) and him picking her up, piggyback and one of her and her friend kissing him on the cheek whilst he grins like a cheshire cat.

I feel really humiliated by it and like he's completely taken the piss. I know its innocent but he knows how I feel about her and everything thats gone on before. He's currently asleep on the sofa whilst I debate emailing the photos to him with the subject- pack your bags now.

I'm completely over reacting aren't I?

OP posts:
Starwisher · 13/01/2012 18:46

So sorry mud. Even in the worst relationships it still hurts when it's over.

The one compensation you want is some proof they care too!

RabidEchidna · 13/01/2012 19:37

For the love of God woman do NOT leave him in your house with your child while you go to the OU thing, you could come back and find he has changed the locks and you are the one out in the cold. He is taking it well cause he is up to something would be my guess

FriggFRIGG · 13/01/2012 19:56

YY,he is up to something.

My bestfriends EX broke into 'their' rented house,
(a few days after they had broken up)
whilst she was at toddler group with their son.

He changed the locks and refused to let her,or his son back into the house.

He kept all of their things,gave his sons toys to his sisters kids,took his sons cot to the dump,and burned all of her possessions.

She was homeless,with an 18 month old child.

He couldn't,in fact afford to pay the rent,so when the landlord kicked him out,he trashed the place.

She has been paying of 'their' debts (including the deposit for the house) for 2 years. As because they cannot contact him,they hold HER responsible for the debt he incurred.

It took her nearly a year to get another place to live.Sad

Don't let him into YOUR house.

You CANNOT trust him.

FabbyChic · 13/01/2012 20:00

OMG Frigg your poor friend thats horrendous.

RabidEchidna · 13/01/2012 20:01

DO NOT LET HIM IN TO THE HOUSE HE IS UP TO SOMETHING

SantaIsAnAnagramOfSatan · 13/01/2012 20:02

i'm inclined to agree you shouldn't let him in the house. you should, ideally, have gotten the keys off of him today. he could use his mum's house for childcare?

FriggFRIGG · 13/01/2012 20:06

Unfortunately,that is only the begging of his twatery Fabby

He is an alcoholic drug taking drain on the benefits system,hasn't worked in over 2 years simply because he doesn't want to.tells his son his mummy is and the boy is terrified of himSad

And the courts still wanted to award him unsupervised contactConfused

Sorry mud,I will cease and desist.Grin hope your son is feeling a little better.

londonone · 13/01/2012 20:10

OP - And you had a second child with him.why exactly?

Purplehonesty · 13/01/2012 20:22

Photos of him pretending to shag her on fb? Ffs How old is he and how long would it take you to chuck his stuff out on the street?

NoWayNoHow · 13/01/2012 20:36

frigg that's AWFUL. Disgusting to think such revolting people exist.

OP, I agree with everyone else - he is being too nice and calm and agreeable with all of this. He has a plan, and I'm fairly certain it involves being in YOUR house tomorrow with your DC whilst you're out. Please, just email/text someone on your course, plead sick, and ask them to take notes for you.

Then when your XP arrives tomorrow, tell him there's been a change of plans and you require his keys immediately.

jbuckley · 13/01/2012 20:50

I suspect hon that he feels fenced in by domesticity and that this woman represents freedom and youth for him. However I think the novelty of that will wear off within a couple of weeks and he'll be back begging you to take him back and promising all kinds of changes. Be prepared for a bumpy ride mud!

AnyFucker · 13/01/2012 21:02

goodness me hon because he's been fenced in, you should overlook all of this

and take him back

make a clean slate, it's not his fault he is a twat and his disrespect of you is completely understandable since you tricked him into having babies

< ahem >

jbuckley · 13/01/2012 21:09

AnyFucker, I'm not suggesting for one moment she should forgive anything he's done. I am stating that I reckon this is how the selfish twat is feeling - doesn't make it right but it might explains his actions.

My answer would be to boot his backside out of the door and tell him to be on his way. But he will be back and Mud is gonna have to decide how she wants to play this, ok hon?

AnyFucker · 13/01/2012 21:12

there is no explanation for his actions that doesn't involve "he is a useless twat"

why try to see his side ?

there is no "his side"

trying to analyse "his side" legitimises it, makes it real

it isn't real, it is shit

hence, brook no "explanations" for such ridiculously immature behaviour

SantaIsAnAnagramOfSatan · 13/01/2012 21:12

who's hon?

RabidEchidna · 13/01/2012 21:29

No what this woman represents to him is she is a dirty slag who is disrespectful to her own partner (who is clearly not right in the head to put up with it).

OP please listen to the sane people her and DO NOT LEAVE HIM IN THE HOUSE WITH THE KID(S) EVER....GET THE KEY CHANGE THE LOCKS AND GET LAWYERED UP A FAST AS YOU CAN

SpikeInTheBasement · 13/01/2012 21:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RabidEchidna · 13/01/2012 22:04

DO NOT LET HIM IN THE HOUSE DO NOT LET HIM IN THE HOUSE DO NOT LET HIM IN THE HOUSE DO NOT LET HIM IN THE HOUSEDO NOT LET HIM IN THE HOUSE DO NOT LET HIM IN THE HOUSE DO NOT LET HIM IN THE HOUSE DO NOT LET HIM IN THE HOUSE DO NOT LET HIM IN THE HOUSE DO NOT LET HIM IN THE HOUSE DO NOT LET HIM IN THE HOUSE DO NOT LET HIM IN THE HOUSEDO NOT LET HIM IN THE HOUSE DO NOT LET HIM IN THE HOUSE DO NOT LET HIM IN THE HOUSE DO NOT LET HIM IN THE HOUSEDO NOT LET HIM IN THE HOUSE DO NOT LET HIM IN THE HOUSE DO NOT LET HIM IN THE HOUSE DO NOT LET HIM IN THE HOUSE DO NOT LET HIM IN THE HOUSE DO NOT LET HIM IN THE HOUSE DO NOT LET HIM IN THE HOUSE DO NOT LET HIM IN THE HOUSE DO NOT LET HIM IN THE HOUSE DO NOT LET HIM IN THE HOUSE DO NOT LET HIM IN THE HOUSE DO NOT LET HIM IN THE HOUSEDO NOT LET HIM IN THE HOUSE DO NOT LET HIM IN THE HOUSE DO NOT LET HIM IN THE HOUSE DO NOT LET HIM IN THE HOUSEDO NOT LET HIM IN THE HOUSE DO NOT LET HIM IN THE HOUSE DO NOT LET HIM IN THE HOUSE DO NOT LET HIM IN THE HOUSEDO NOT LET HIM IN THE HOUSE DO NOT LET HIM IN THE HOUSE DO NOT LET HIM IN THE HOUSE DO NOT LET HIM IN THE HOUSE DO NOT LET HIM IN THE HOUSE DO NOT LET HIM IN THE HOUSE DO NOT LET HIM IN THE HOUSE DO NOT LET HIM IN THE HOUSEDO NOT LET HIM IN THE HOUSE DO NOT LET HIM IN THE HOUSE DO NOT LET HIM IN THE HOUSE DO NOT LET HIM IN THE HOUSE

Oh and one more thing DO NOT LET HIM IN THE FUCKING HOUSE

jbuckley · 13/01/2012 22:07

Mud for your wellbeing it will be helpful to try and get a handle on what is going on in his mind and what has led up to this. Knowing why he has done this will help you be able to predict what his future actions will be - you need to be one step ahead of him for the sake of your children as well. I too agree that you need to be careful of letting him in the house.

BustersOfDoom · 13/01/2012 22:14

I agree with everyone saying DON'T LET HIM IN THE HOUSE!

Appuskidu · 13/01/2012 22:24

You asked him to leave and he refused, yet now he's absolutely fine about it!?

Please don't leave him in the house with your children; if he changes the locks-you are in a rather tricky situation. He's lied before-it doesn't sound like he can be trusted at all.

ballstoit · 13/01/2012 22:30

So agree with the not letting him in.

He 'always gets his own way' until yesterday...he is not going to stop getting it now.

He's going to have to have contact with your DC elsewhere in future, he needs to start that tomorrow. Either he needs to have them at his Mum's or you need to get someone else to have them. Or ring OU tutor and rearrange.

Really, one way or another, he should not be left alone in your house without supervision.

NoWayNoHow · 14/01/2012 15:55

mud any update today? I'm sure I'm not the only one worried about what may/may not happen re: your XP staying with your DC in the house while you're out. If you can, please just let us know that we were all overeacting, and that he's come and gone...

FriggFRIGG · 14/01/2012 16:32

YY I have been worrying a bit too.

Please come and tell us we are overreacting.

MudAndGlitter · 14/01/2012 16:59

Hi sorry I didn't update. DS made DD ill so I didnt go out and XP has been to visit but was perfectly civil Hmm

OP posts: