DP's emotional affair with friends DP, now 'innocent' photos on fb

[MudAndGlitter]

Bit of background- shortly after I had DS, DP became very close to his best friends pregnant partner. There were texts, facebook messages and they spent most of their time alone together. We split up as he said he had fallen in love with her but maintains all that happened was a kiss. She denies the kiss. He moved out and went to stay with best friend and this woman. They all fell out, he moved back in with me and we went on to have DD.

For the past year or so he's been back to being friends with his best friend and of course this means the woman as well. I've told him it makes me uncomfortable yet he refuses not to reply to her texts, answer her calls or stop going round there. I thought I could deal with it as I don't have any right to say he can't talk to someone.
I've just been on facebook and this woman has uploaded recent pics of her and my DP larking around- her bent over whilst he pretends to shag her (fully clothed) and him picking her up, piggyback and one of her and her friend kissing him on the cheek whilst he grins like a cheshire cat.

I feel really humiliated by it and like he's completely taken the piss. I know its innocent but he knows how I feel about her and everything thats gone on before. He's currently asleep on the sofa whilst I debate emailing the photos to him with the subject- pack your bags now.

I'm completely over reacting aren't I?

They are well matched - just as NASTY and CRUEL as each other. I can't believe anyone would think this behaviour was ok. Her friends and family surely question those pictures?
End it now. This can only get worse, they are joining forces to humiliate you.

You sound like a nice person, be kind to yourself.

God this thread is making me angry.

Mud, you sound like an intelligent and kind woman. When did you become this doormat? When did you decide to let this man wipe his feet on you day and night - and mock you afterwards? When did you decide that's your lot in life?

He has absolutely no respect for you, no healthy fear of you after cheating on you (one kiss MY FAT ARSE). My dh would be fucking terrified!!!!

I am sure there is way more to all of this because no woman would accept this unless she had been ground down and made to feel utterly undeserving of respect and happiness.

Keep posting and keep listening.

He dropped DS back and asked what I meant by the newest pic on Facebook. He came up with some excuse of pretending to be a ninja

He then went on to tell me I was being fucking ridiculous and I was the only one who had a problem with it and he couldn't cut OW out as she is his best mates DP. When he was swearing at me DS told him not to speak to mummy like that and DP told him to shut up. I shouted at him to get out and he told me to fuck off.
He's gone now. No prizes for guessing where to and has told me he'll be back tomorrow to take DS to nursery and continue this conversation.

I'm packing his things tonight.

I'd be very angry at both of them,
and kick him out.

Please really do pack this things, Mud, please. This time you have cast iron proof it's affecting your son. It will only get worse, protect your little boy.

Do you have anyone in RL to come round and be with you?

PLEASE STICK TO YOUR GUNS. PUT HIM OUT. DO NOT TAKE HIM BACK.

his things

What an utter bastard.

Well done for getting him out,
now,all you have to do,is just not let him back in.

Really,just don't let the git set foot inside your door.

My mum could but she's at Zumba and would just flap about money etc. she stayed miserable with my dad though for 12 years for the sake of me and Dbro so not the best person for support!

I'm just relieved that he's left tonight tbh. I've got a new roll of bin bags and the petty temptation to mix his dirty washing in with the clean and put heavy objects on top of the breakable bits.

Well done for packing him up and getting rid.

Do you intend to let him take DS to nursery? He seems to be the type of fuckwit to mess you around with not returning him etc.

No one is saying you have to pack it neatly

Accidents do happen.

He won't fuck about with not returning DS. His mum runs the nursery so if he doesn't turn up I'll get a phone call. Plus DS is too much like hard work not to return!

accidents are more likely to happen with 2 toddlers around aren't they?!

Pretending to be a fucking ninja

Those bin bags would be alight when he calls round after a deviant threesome with the other turtles

Fucking ninja, what a total cock.

Out of interest, why wasn't this fine specimen of ninjahood at work?

He's self employed and has only a few days a week this month until new contract starts in feb.

He's a prize prick OP. He can't play that You're-the-one-with-the-problem card and then swear at you in front of a child, swear at said child and then tell you to fuck off when you stand up your DS. He is seriously deluded if he thinks that his argument will convince you that you're in the wrong.

His friend is probably desperately going along with it because hey, if he doesn't say anything and acts like it's fine then there isn't a problem and nothing could possibly be wrong.

Mud, I just had a look on your profile. I dont understand how you have 2 year old and an 18 month old?

YY accidents happen all the time around here...

Yep,2 toddlers = things break

More

Oh thats handy, he can use them to find a new flat. Every cloud OP...

Seriously though OP, stick to your guns. You come across in other posts as a reasonable, confident person. Now is the time to use those traits for your and your DC's advantage. I wish you well.

DD is 18 months and DS is 3 in march. I wasn't sure if it looked a little PFB to put the exact months

Grrr he's a cock. I think I'm slightly in shock that he did actually leave tonight with little drama!

Course your in shock.
It IS shocking.

Especially when it's been dragging on for ages,and then it comes to a head quickly.
But this has been fucked for a long time,tonight is the beginning of a new life for you and DS.

i would see if you can get his key off of him tomorrow. does he put them down somewhere when he comes in and is getting ds's shoes on etc? if there's anyway to just take the housekeys of his bunch without a scene that would be great.

i'm imagining that the council have paid to have a certain quality and standard of locks installed and would not want locks changed except by them but i may be wrong.

he does sound completely awful - stupid excuses, trying to blame you, swearing at you, shouting in front of and at ds. you really don't need this.

Sorry you are going through this Mud this man has no respect for you or his so called best mate.

You know you don't have to have a conversation with him.

You don't have to have a reason to want to end your relationship with him. You do have plenty of reasons to end it though!

It is good that he is out tonight you can use that time to be pro-active.

Contact his ex or his mum and tell them that you are he are separating today/tomorrow and that it is best if DSD is not around as he has already shouted and sworn at your child. Also let them know you love her dearly and would if they like still be a part of her life when everything has settled.

Do think about asking a friend or family member have your DS for exactly the same reason.

Do you think he is likely to be violent? If so contact the police non-emergency number and let them know you are separating and he may cause you problems. If nothing does happen all is good, if he does cause trouble they can be there fast.

If you are just waiting for a cheque to clear, can you write a cheque for a lock smith or pop it on a credit card so you can get it done tonight and then pay it as soon as the money is in your account?

Once he is out, block her FB. It is none of your business any more and you will only upset/hurt yourself realising how little he gives a shit about hurting you.

Don't be surprised if you have the odd wobble or change of heart when he has gone, that is normal. Just come back to this thread/FB and see the way he has treated you (and your DS now!) to remind you why this is for the best.

Good luck and stay strong. You deserve so much better!

Oh and in response to your OP you are not over reacting

The standard councils usually do is the cheapest possible, santa.

Thank you everyone. This thread has helped me realise I'm not being a crazy over reacting cow! I don't know many people in RL so mumsnet has been a bit of a saviour these past couple of days/evenings.
I don't have a credit card or a cheque book but I will see if my mum will loan me the money until tomorrow once she's back from her class and see if DD and DS can stay there tomorrow night.
I did have a slight wobble but more over what could have been if he was still the person I fell in love with (if he ever was!) IYKWIM but now I feel surprisingly free, simple things like being able to decorate how I want to and not having to put up with his sarky comments and toddler style tantrums.

I'm just finishing up my study notes then I'm going to go crazy with the black sacks :)

if you are in anyway handy you could probably change a lock yourself.

And just add a chain at the same time.