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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

DP's emotional affair with friends DP, now 'innocent' photos on fb

212 replies

MudAndGlitter · 11/01/2012 18:06

Bit of background- shortly after I had DS, DP became very close to his best friends pregnant partner. There were texts, facebook messages and they spent most of their time alone together. We split up as he said he had fallen in love with her but maintains all that happened was a kiss. She denies the kiss. He moved out and went to stay with best friend and this woman. They all fell out, he moved back in with me and we went on to have DD.

For the past year or so he's been back to being friends with his best friend and of course this means the woman as well. I've told him it makes me uncomfortable yet he refuses not to reply to her texts, answer her calls or stop going round there. I thought I could deal with it as I don't have any right to say he can't talk to someone.
I've just been on facebook and this woman has uploaded recent pics of her and my DP larking around- her bent over whilst he pretends to shag her (fully clothed) and him picking her up, piggyback and one of her and her friend kissing him on the cheek whilst he grins like a cheshire cat.

I feel really humiliated by it and like he's completely taken the piss. I know its innocent but he knows how I feel about her and everything thats gone on before. He's currently asleep on the sofa whilst I debate emailing the photos to him with the subject- pack your bags now.

I'm completely over reacting aren't I?

OP posts:
abbierhodes · 11/01/2012 19:34

Do exactly what jbuckley said. Strapon a pair and rain down ten tonnes of shit on the pair of them. Find your anger and it will get you through. DO NOT leave your home.

lazarusb · 11/01/2012 19:50

He has treated you with no respect and lets her rub your face in it. Ask him to leave and if he refuses, as others have said, call the police.
I think I would call her (I did when I was in a similar situation) and her dp.
He got away with it once, now he thinks he can do it again.

Btw, how old is he? Pretend shagging photos? They sound like 14 year olds - idiotic ones at that.

NoWayNoHow · 11/01/2012 19:51

The tenancy is in your name - don't you dare leave your own house! I agree with the other posters, ESPECIALLY as you're not married - tell him to get out of his own accord or you will call the police to come and "help" him.

MudAndGlitter · 11/01/2012 19:54

He's 28 this year. She's just turned 20.

Thank you everyone for the advice. I havent spoken to him since he refused to leave and don't plan on speaking to him unless it's DC related.

OP posts:
katkitya · 11/01/2012 19:54

What a vile pair they are.

abedelia · 11/01/2012 20:02

... and hitting on his friend's pregnant partner? I thought I had seen all Heinz 57 varieties of scum on this board but that's a new low. If the tenancy isn't in his name then call the police - it's your home and he needs to shift.

Smum99 · 11/01/2012 20:08

You have the right to be heard and respected. If your P loved you he would want you to feel happy and comfortable. I feel for you - you are trying to define acceptable boundaries to save your relationship and he (& his friends) are happily redrawing them to suit themselves.

Good Luck

lazarusb · 11/01/2012 20:33

Old enough to know better. I think you need to sit him down and make him understand this (if you aren't going to kick him out). I think he will just carry on otherwise.

yellowraincoat · 11/01/2012 20:45

Sorry this is happening. He has acted like a real shit.

Since the tenancy is in your name, I'd get the police to chuck him out.

You haven't over-reacted at all - even with no back story, I'd be pretty fucked off at pretend shagging photos. I mean, that's just gross anyway.

mummakaz · 12/01/2012 14:17

wow talk about rubbing your face in it Hmm the minute he refused to not stop contact you should have booted his arse out then. What twats they both are.

P.s I think it's obvious that I don't think you have over reacted. Good luck op

MudAndGlitter · 12/01/2012 16:19

She's fucking mocking me now isn't she?
Pic just posted of bloke with hat on and coat pulled up around face. Quite obviously DP. Caption is 'this anonymous stranger visited today'

He's told her I'm pissed off I imagine!

OP posts:
Becauseimperfect · 12/01/2012 16:25

What you need to do now, is strap on a pair dump his stuff outside and lock him out.

LordFlashheart · 12/01/2012 16:26

Bastards

QuintessentiallyShallow · 12/01/2012 16:30

Why is she on your facebook? She is shagging your man!

Delete her. You dont need this.

Throw him out and dont let him worm his way in again.

SpikeInTheBasement · 12/01/2012 16:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LordFlashheart · 12/01/2012 16:33

No, don't delete. Stop her from seeing your updates, but atm its useful to see what she's up to.

MudAndGlitter · 12/01/2012 16:36

That's why I haven't deleted her!
It's the only way I know where he is. As he's over there at the moment I've just sent him a message telling him he's not welcome here tonight.

OP posts:
TeeBee · 12/01/2012 16:41

Now send him one saying 'Oops,, I don't know how that eroneous 'tonight' got in there.' Pack his bags, bolt the door, and don't let him back in. Simple!

They are both seriously, seriously taking the piss. What are you going to do about it?

Becauseimperfect · 12/01/2012 16:41

Tonight? I bet he is laughing his head off carte blance to stay out and have a threesome.

What you should have done IMO, is tell him his stuff is outside in binbags, he is not welcome in your house again, he won't be able to get in. Any trouble or force, you will involve the police.

jbuckley · 12/01/2012 16:43

She's fucking mocking me now isn't she?
Pic just posted of bloke with hat on and coat pulled up around face. Quite obviously DP. Caption is 'this anonymous stranger visited today'

He's told her I'm pissed off I imagine!
--
I am so angry on your behalf. It's like they're sniggering behind your back. I dread to think the kind of things he has said to her about you - that she can feel free to put that kind of mocking stuff up on FB.

There is no respect here from either of them.
If you want to stay with this man (and God knows why you would) you have to start sticking up for yourself - no one else will honey. Because long term I see a whole heap of trouble and heartbreak for you if you stick with him. But the relationship can be re-shaped, depending on how you behave in this situation. Don't waste any more time looking at FB and festering over their behaviour - start kicking ass!

TeeBee · 12/01/2012 16:43

And print out some information about STDs and slip into the top of his bag.

mummakaz · 12/01/2012 16:43

Perhaps thats what he/she wants...I would have gone ape shit by now. One of them (probably dp) would have been knocked out by now lol

Seriously throw his stuff out, you have given him a chance to get out, he sounds like a right shithead to put it politely

lauraloveskitsch · 12/01/2012 16:45

This is not innocent. It may seem it but you know differently. If you have told him it makes you uncomfortable and he's still doing this, it's time for an ultimatum. You can't live with the 'what if's' of this situation.

FriggFRIGG · 12/01/2012 16:49
Shock

Tonight?! TONIGHT?!!!

Bollocks to tonight

Surely you don't want this arse in your home ever again?

TeeBee · 12/01/2012 16:50

I don't think one part of it seems innocent. Not one bit.