DP's emotional affair with friends DP, now 'innocent' photos on fb

[MudAndGlitter]

Bit of background- shortly after I had DS, DP became very close to his best friends pregnant partner. There were texts, facebook messages and they spent most of their time alone together. We split up as he said he had fallen in love with her but maintains all that happened was a kiss. She denies the kiss. He moved out and went to stay with best friend and this woman. They all fell out, he moved back in with me and we went on to have DD.

For the past year or so he's been back to being friends with his best friend and of course this means the woman as well. I've told him it makes me uncomfortable yet he refuses not to reply to her texts, answer her calls or stop going round there. I thought I could deal with it as I don't have any right to say he can't talk to someone.
I've just been on facebook and this woman has uploaded recent pics of her and my DP larking around- her bent over whilst he pretends to shag her (fully clothed) and him picking her up, piggyback and one of her and her friend kissing him on the cheek whilst he grins like a cheshire cat.

I feel really humiliated by it and like he's completely taken the piss. I know its innocent but he knows how I feel about her and everything thats gone on before. He's currently asleep on the sofa whilst I debate emailing the photos to him with the subject- pack your bags now.

I'm completely over reacting aren't I?

I was going to say afraid because kids are not stupid and do realise something bad is happening.

Anyway why shouldn't he still be responsible for child care still?

Unless the op wants to become a single mother with 100% responsibility?

Oh bless him.

Well,one less problem I guess...and an excuse for lots of cuddles

Sorry to hear he is unwell mud. On the plus side a great excuse to cuddle all day with movies and rubbish food x

star, something "bad" has been happening virtually every day of this little boy's life

time for change, methinks

I hope OP can do it, I really do

Good luck OP x

Yes but I doubt he was aware if it as such- was he mud? But mummy and daddy not living together will be something he will be very aware of and it's tough for children.

My parents divorcing when I was 20 was still awful enough

well, I guess he was aware of it when his father moved out to be with his menage a trois the last time

and seeing daddy "always get his own way" even though he shits all over someone he is supposed to love is kinda noticeable too

witnessing the gaslighting of his mummy can't be too pleasant for him

mummy shouting at daddy to get out, and being told to fuck off is probably on his radar

so yeah, star, keep things "normal for him" eh ?

are you saying that mud should stay with this man ?

Don't be so silly!

I said he should still be doing the nursery run for the sake of the dc, and as it happens mud advantage too as why should he be free of child care responsibilities now?

Children's well being is paramount and that comes from normality, routine and stabilty

How does that equate to telling her to stay with him full stop exactly?!

What do my posts at ths start of this thread say?

I've let him know DS isn't well and he's offered a lift to the drs in the morning. He wont be coming back to live here despite what he thinks but I'm not going to block him out of his DC's lives.
DS has been asking for him and I've just said he's at work tonight and I'll deal with it properly when DS is 100% again.

star, I would see your point if the relationship was clearly over

but it isn't

Op appears unable to give her P a clear message that his behaviour is unforgiveable and that he is no longer in a relationship with her

all that does is drag her down, vindicate her abusive partner along with his ridiculous hangers-on and confuse the children

and this is the second cycle in that particular merry-go-round

the man is an arsehole, and needs to be shown in no uncertain terms he cannot waltz back in like nothing has happened

now I don't believe in using children to prove a point, but don't you think it would give him a clear message for him to arrive back tomorrow morning to a cold, dark house and his stuff in binbags on the doorstep ?

because he has taken fuck-all notice of anything else

and he fully expects the home fires to still be warm and burning just for wonderful-ole-him when he deigns to make a reappearance

mud your ds has a slight temp and a cough

it shouldn't alter your resolve

say you will "sort this out later when he is 100%" all you like

but you won't

From experience with DS he has never had a cold. He starts off coughing and hot and the next day is a drowsy crying wreck who can barely move.
XP's stuff is packed, he will discover this tomorrow. If DS wasn't well then I ideally would be out with both DCs tomorrow but as previous posters have said I shouldn't leave whilst he has a key.

And by sort it out later I meant explain to DS that his dad won't be living here.

I wish you strength, mud, but most of all, I wish you clarity

But it's not all fires lit and cakes baking in the oven, it's just taking ds to nursery.

Two messages need to be made here:

One for the scumbag that his former life is now in a binbag, in all senses

And one for the dc that both parents are still there, for the sake of the dc.

The danger IMO is making the message for p so loud that is drowns out the ones for the dc.

Good luck mud x

I think you are doing really well Mud. It is only a little over 24 hours since you first posted saying you was completely over reacting. Although you knew inside you weren't and that what your now or soon to be ex P was doing was completely unacceptable and wrong.

You has taken on board most of what has been said and are making steps to remove this man from your life apart from in relation to your (and his) child.

He is going to try everything he can to change your mind and you may well find that friends and family will say you are better off together 'for the kids'. You know this isn't right. Stick to your guns. You will get there.

You have!!! Poor english sorry!

Mud

1. How is DS this morning? Does he seem better?

1. What happened with P came over?? Did you throw give him his bagged up stuff?

Hope all is going well xx
x

hi hope you slept MandG. how do things look this morning?

would be very good if you could get the keys back today. any plans re: xp today?

How are you today OP? Have you spoken to your p yet?
Hope your ds is feeling ok.

Evening, quick update on DS first. He's been lethargic on and off all day but now has a temp of 40.1 so he's been dosed up with calpol and will have temp checked in half hour or so.

XP has taken the stuff I've bagged up but has the key until tomorrow as he's got the DCs here whilst I'm at an OU tutorial.
His furniture and that will be gone during the week, he's going to give me warning so I can arrange for DCs to be elsewhere.
He's being surprisingly ok about it all!

I can't believe he has but up no fight at all, like it's no big deal. Is this just a game to him?

I fear because he left and then came back last time he assumes he can again.

Where is he staying?

I think he's staying at his mates. I didn't ask, I don't really want to give him the satisfaction.
I'm not sure if the whole being calm about it is a game. It sounds like something he would do.

That does strike me as a bit odd too. Given his reactions to your previous concerns. Be careful, I don't want to scare you but something isn't sitting right. Has he accepted that he is out of line? That his friend has pushed this to the nth degree to provoke you?

He still doesn't see he's done anything wrong but says he sees why it upset me.