I fucked up first but he has seriously fucked up too. What a mess.

[dammandblast]

And now I feel dreadful.

My Ex was a knob, he cheated on me and joined sex sites etc. When I met DP I told him how hurt I had been and he always swore he would never do the same.

We had been together a year when I randomly decided to check his phone and in his internet history was the page 'you have just logged out of facebook of sex' He said he had only looked at it that day and that he had to create an account to see the photos on the site - that he was curious. I checked his emails and he was telling the truth. He threw the phone in a sink of water, deleted his email address and de-activated his fb account as 'proof' it wouldnt happen again. It took ages to get over it and I think I would have left him if hadnt been pregnant at the time.

For over a year after that he only had a very basic phone with no internet access and we shared an email address - his choice.

Then he was given a blackberry and set up an email address etc although as far as I knew didn't use it to often.

I had a fit of paranoia and took his phone when he was sleeping to check his emails but couldnt find the inbox so went into the settings and set it up so that his incoming emails very sent to our joint email address. I know I shouldn't have but I just had a nagging suspicion.

And then I did something even worse, I used an old phone and put a new sim in it and sent him a wrong number text saying he was the most gorgeous man in the room, and he replied. After a casual few texts he replied that he shouldn't be texing as he has a partner and dc and he didn't want to lose us. I was really happy that he had 'proven' himself to me.

Until he text again this morning asking what I looked like etc and if I could send him some photos along with his email address. So I sent him some from google, and he sent some back. There were lots of dirty texts and some talking about wishing he was single etc and possible meet ups.

Right now he is upstairs in bed and I have just gotton an email to 'her' account saying he is in bed playing with himself and thinking of how beautiful she is.

What have I done

Name changer due to being ashamed of myself.

Sorry about typing, nursing baby.

You should be a private investigator/honey trap. Ok so you were a bit of a monkey, but jeeze he's taken the bait and you've just had a baby too... so sorry :(

TBH I'd be tempted to see where it lead... x

Bloody hell... now what are you going to do? You

Oh blimey OP. What a predicament huh. Don't know what to advise really, it's a case of be careful what you look for huh. But as you said, you had a gut feeling didn't you.

What do you think you want to do about it?

And chosing the same type i guess.

There would be absolutely no way forward in this relationship for me. No way at all. I could forgive a drunken snog (I think...maybe) but this shows he is a player who cannot help but play. If this is a genuine post.

My insides hurt and I have felt ill all day - and yet I carried on replying to him (and still am) and I don't know why, Everytime he replies it hurts. Everytime he comes to give me a hug or a kiss I feel sick. He has been telling her he is worried about getting caught incase he couldnt see his dc. That he hasnt had a decent shag for a long time, that he loves me but is bored.

I dont know what to do.

Men and their poxy egos!

what a sleeze... agree with baby tho arrange a meet up and then leave him, u deserve much better !

Type back to him "that's odd, I'm downstairs, feeding our baby thinking what a twat you are"

I'd blow him right out of the water and say its you before it goes too far. But then again thats me. It will always be a big fat white elephant in the room unless you do.

It is genuine unfortunately.

I set him up, fake email address, fake photos of someone I knew to be his type, she lives about 30 miles away from us so not to close but not to far away to visit. He doesn't even know the other phone exsists.

Last night he slept with his phone under his pillow.

I have bought all this on myself.

I'd do what Katie said to be honest.

Not sure I'd be able to go any futher with it. It will just eat you up inside.

You wanted to test his fidelity and he failed the test. You did not want to rely on him having restricted access to the internet, etc. You wanted to know how he would react when faced with temptation. And now you know. . Yes, you are guilty of setting him up, but he didn't have to bite did he? He could have ignored the message, blocked the number, told you about it, etc. As you've gone this far, I would continue and see just how far he is prepared to take it. But you would have to prepare yourself for a lot more heartache

How awul. I don't know what to say except that I really feel for you. And you may have provided some bait, because of your instincts, but he's proved all your instincts right. I'd go upstairs now and confront him with all the evidence. See what he says! Don't stew in this anymore. You didn't trust him. He won't trust you now either, but you didn't trust him with good reason.

No you haven't OP. You had an incling, you also go for the same "type"

You have to tell him. It's going to be hard, but you have to do it. I'd be fucking spitting feathers if my DP did the same and I would have no conscience when I confronted him. He will probably say you tricked him but, fucking hell, he fell for the bait.

What do you want to do about this? Do you think you can forgive him? This is the second time he has actively sought out women (by asking for pictures the second time) which doesn't promising. He is likely to do it again. He may not have physically cheated on you but this is still bad enough. How are you feeling?

Also the sim in his phone is from my t-mobile account and has some back up and store thing on it I think on the t-mobile website.

When he said he was worried about being caught, I/she said that as he was using a blackberry only he could read his emails and only from his phone so as long as he deleted them he wouldn't get caught.

She/I even refers to his wife and its still not enough to guilt him.

Personally if this was me I would be absolutely raging and wouldn't be able to keep my cool.

My DH would be a wife and 2 balls lighter by the end of the night.

Lovely you didn't bring this on yourself.... he chose to take the bait. You tested him, he failed.
If some bloke texted you the same would you be wanking on the phone to him a few weeks later!

I know I'd be the same as you, I know I'd keep texting him as deep down I'd need to know how far he'd take it. You had nagging doubts and its these doubts that make you need to know IYSWIM x

He probably won't sus coz his ego head is the size of a pumpkin at the moment!

You might need to consider how he might try to wriggle out of it. He could say he knew it was you all along. Or he had no intention of 'taking it further', etc. How easy would it be for him to convince you? Do you need to get more 'evidence' before you confront him?

I won't ever need to tell him that it is me he is texting as I will just 'find' the emails on our joint email, or on the t-mobile site.

I have been swerving between finding them in front of his mum and dad, saying nothing and everything in between.

He even says in his email that he knows he will be dumped if his GF finds out.

He calls her princess.

I'd have to confront him now. I'd send a text right now telling him he needs to come downstairs for a chat and listen to him absolutely shit himself. I wouldn't need to take it any further. He's upstairs wanking to photos of this 'OW', urgh!!

In the emails I/She sent him she has talked to him by name, area he lives, his dc name, no way he can deny its him. And then there are the photos.

I know I wont let it go, I want to see how far he will go.

I am fuming.

Seriously you trapped him and now have to deal with the consequences.

You life has now changed for ever and you have to decide how to deal with it.