I fucked up first but he has seriously fucked up too. What a mess.

[dammandblast]

And now I feel dreadful.

My Ex was a knob, he cheated on me and joined sex sites etc. When I met DP I told him how hurt I had been and he always swore he would never do the same.

We had been together a year when I randomly decided to check his phone and in his internet history was the page 'you have just logged out of facebook of sex' He said he had only looked at it that day and that he had to create an account to see the photos on the site - that he was curious. I checked his emails and he was telling the truth. He threw the phone in a sink of water, deleted his email address and de-activated his fb account as 'proof' it wouldnt happen again. It took ages to get over it and I think I would have left him if hadnt been pregnant at the time.

For over a year after that he only had a very basic phone with no internet access and we shared an email address - his choice.

Then he was given a blackberry and set up an email address etc although as far as I knew didn't use it to often.

I had a fit of paranoia and took his phone when he was sleeping to check his emails but couldnt find the inbox so went into the settings and set it up so that his incoming emails very sent to our joint email address. I know I shouldn't have but I just had a nagging suspicion.

And then I did something even worse, I used an old phone and put a new sim in it and sent him a wrong number text saying he was the most gorgeous man in the room, and he replied. After a casual few texts he replied that he shouldn't be texing as he has a partner and dc and he didn't want to lose us. I was really happy that he had 'proven' himself to me.

Until he text again this morning asking what I looked like etc and if I could send him some photos along with his email address. So I sent him some from google, and he sent some back. There were lots of dirty texts and some talking about wishing he was single etc and possible meet ups.

Right now he is upstairs in bed and I have just gotton an email to 'her' account saying he is in bed playing with himself and thinking of how beautiful she is.

What have I done

Name changer due to being ashamed of myself.

Sorry about typing, nursing baby.

I am so sorry :(

Put as much energy into the relationship!

I set a fake honey trap and had an absolute ball with my then ex. His face when i told him I was the fake one! OMG!

This sounds just like the song by Kate Bush. It doesn't end well there either.

maybe he knows its you and is playing you at your own silly game

You poor thing. What a shit. Kick. Him. Out. I feel sick imagining how you must feel.

I'm so sorry for you.

I don't know why you're prolonging the agony though tbh. I hope you et some sleep in the next few days.

Omg! I think you should organise to meet him, and see if he goes....

Bastard. You haven't brought this on yourself - you didn't make him reply!

Unfortunately, due to low self esteem I think that is just what the OP will do Barwithnobite.

OP, don't go there. Kick him out tomorrow and get some councilling.

I would not be able to act normally around him knowing what he was doing, how will you stay calm and not confront him?!?!

You decided to test him and now you know.

I think you should just drop it. You know how far it will go already. He's fallen hook, line and sinker and you'll only end up causing yourself more pain. Confront him.

Be careful, my ex did this to me just after we had split up, I had an inkling it was him and played along, even arranged to meet him! He may know it's you:(

Actually this relationship was well and truly buggered BEFORE you set him up and he bit. All that stuff about him throwing his phone in the sink and not having his own email account: wasn't that admission that he had some sort of problem?

I'm amazed that you couldn't find his inbox, but had the technical know how to go into his email and divert mail to you...

Hmm it's quite unbelievable that anyone could keep this kind of thing up without ripping their feckless, texting partners head off, Ithink anyway.

I can understand, sort of, why she feels insecure after being treated like this by her ex, but going through phones, emails etc is not the sign of a close relationship in the first place imo. But oh Op, this is just awful, feel so sick for you, and tbh I have no idea how you could sleep next to him, I couldn't even bring myself to look at a man who would do this, apart from to check he'd not taken any of my stuff with him as he was closing the door on his way out.......

On the blackberry when you go to the main menu page there is no option for emails, in the general message box there is no option for email inbox either - his texts and emails just go to the general inbox and they only look different by the little sign next to them. I could find the email settings option and went into there and selected to have them forwarded to our email address - I am ok with phones and computers but the email inbox alluded me.

I have felt constantly sick since yesterday morning - when he started the sex talk and intimate details of our relationship came up - he has said he wished he was single, that he hadn't had a 'good fuck' for a while (we do have sex actually!) and all the things he would like to do to her (exactly what we do) That she is gorgeous, he will dream about her, he will 'fuck' his mrs and think of her and tell her about it etc

He doesn't suspect anything, he is to confident, to arragant. He thinks he has been to careful.

He is being very nice to me, he wanted sex when I went to bed last night, he wanted sex during the night, he wanted sex this morning.... I wonder why

No emails from him this morning and I haven't emailed him either.

He wanted sex? Did you actually have sex with him or make up some reason why you didn't want to (other than the truth). What did you say to him. You sound very calm. I don't think I would be able to hold my tongue under those circumstances.

The only reason I haven't kicked him out yet is that I really need to move house next week as my oldest DC has a specific learning difficulty and I need to be in this new postcode to get him into a school that has specialist programmes etc Its only 5 minutes away from where I am now but it makes all the difference. He is my guarentour, if he pulls out then I will lose the house (The house will be in my name only so I will be able to throw him out)

No chance, I bought the baby into bed with me instead!

If you are determined to leave him then it makes sense to think things through carefully and make sure you will be ok. A week is not too long to wait. You can get everything in place, make sure you are settled and then drop the bombshell on him. But you will probably need to get good legal advice, cover yourself financially and get some RL support.

They say revenge is best served cold, so you can take some time to plan how you will kick him out. Be prepared for him to talk his way back in, though. You are angry right now but over time you may start to think you could forgive him. Which, of course, is up to you entirely.

A complete betrayal. There is no coming back from this. is there?

Personally, I would wait util he has gone to work one day, have the locks changed, throw all his stuff out on the doorstep and text him from 'her' telling him you know everything and it is over.

What he has done is vile and beneath contempt.You must stop NOW and face up to this. It is so damaging to continue playing this warped game. You KNOW he is a complete dog. What other proof do you need?

Op he said he told another woman that he would have sex with you, whilst thinking/imagining the other woman?

I think he knows it's you tbh....

What a nightmare. So sorry for you.

WhatstheScenario
"A complete betrayal."

from both sides of the fence.